Amazingly, I have reached the point(maybe my testosterone has finally dipped to eunuch level) that I doubt I will ever date , again.
I recently returned from a golf trip to Pinehurst. Of the 7 other guys on the trip, 3 had just been through brutal divorces and two others told me their wives hated them and they were bailing as soon as the kids got out of school(I'm sure their wives feel the same way about them).
After two marriages, where both wives had multiple affairs, I am completely aware that there is just too much risk/pain in going down this road again.
I am planning on getting a dog, soon, though.

Yes, get a dog. They always love you, even if you forget to take them out sometimes.

You're killin' me, here, UC - what happened at the party??

DITTO

You are MORE than welcome to mine......

FWIW, on your theory to how people are with animals, you would rule out my ENTIRE dad's family. My grandmother was mauled by a dog as a child and as a results HATES all animals. She is deathly afraid of them. She passed that onto her children.....they just don't like them. BUT if you talked to any one who knows them they would tell you how great the clan is........ So I de- bunk your theory....

Not2fun

And on the flip side of that.....

My mother's side of the family LOVES animals. They had cats, dogs, ducks, even a monkey.....

My grandfather is the picture of EVIL. He beat his children with-in an inch of their lives, molested 2 of his daughters, and continues his emotion abuse to this day.....but his dogs he spoils like mad........

not2fun

You and NC are crackin me up

Cat, I allways told my children they really had no idea how little sex had to do with a happy marriage and that to be a true Boy/Girl"freind " you had to qualify as a freind first. I also told them that love was not a feeling. It was an action. I can only white-knuckle it untill my boys 22 and 18 learn to understand the tender trap. Dang good lookin boys egos!!.
I am proud of all my children for not letting drama run thier life and they have found a way to end puppy love relationships without bitterness. remaining freinds with past people they dated.

I am constantly in thier business about how they treat their girlfriends and tell them they need to read on this site.
Of course they ..."allready know dad". ,,hence my white-knuckles

I also agree that good looks does not automatically mean shallowness....but it helps...

Wheres UC? What happened at the party? Inquiring minds want to know.

Wow. That brought a huge moment of sadness to me.

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with." - Mark Twain

What I have done is hold myself responsible for my own happiness. So I don't NEED a woman, not to be happy. I am already immensely happy. I just want someone to say "HEY LOOK AT THAT!" with.

I think with what I have learned here, I have the skills and wherewithal to connect with someone REALLY deeply. So I am looking for her. You really should reconsider karmasrose. Maybe not today, but be open to it.

I have not posted on this site for a looooong time. I'm breaking my silence to offer my two cents of advice as a man who has been in your shoes.

I too was a BH. I too was afraid of my WW. The greatest weapon she had against me was her anger. If I did, as you have done, anything which was remotely against her master plan she would go ballistic, threaten me with divorce and the fact that we'd never be together if I didn�t do as she wished. What was my response? I would tuck tail and back off and do as she wanted.

What did it get me? Nothing. It got me terribly deep debt from fighting a custody battle, separation from my children for a long time, and high blood pressure. (Things are much better now, on all fronts)

Fear is your greatest enemy in this equation. Fear will control you and will be what she uses against you. You've already been told what her reaction will be to you not going along with her program and what it is that she will say.

So what do you do?

Everyone here is giving you great advice, but my number one piece of advice to you is this: man up. Be a man. Let your testosterone show that you have some backbone because that is your greatest weakness right now. She doesn't respect you because you haven't given her reason to respect you.

If you went to this party, then great. I commend you.

If you didn't, then you've lost one battle.

I'm surprised no one (from what I was able to gather so far) has told you to do some basic things. You need to snoop. The affair is ongoing. How do I know this? Because she is a WW and WWes lie. If their mouths are moving they are lying. I know this from experience. I too was told "just friends". It too was told, "there's nothing going on".

So how did I get the truth? I installed a keylogger on my computer and got into her accounts. I learned the truth that way and it was 10 times worse than what she was leading on.

You should do the same. Snoop and get into her email if you can (including Facebook, Myspace, etc..)

I can't emphasize enough how important it is that you act cool. Think James Bond (the Pierce Brosnan one). Unflappable. Unshakeable. Cool under pressure and under fire.

She rants and raves and your response should be cool, as if you're dealing with a crazy person (because you are).

But there is a major stake at play here and that is your one year old. You are a man who is going to have to choose what is more important: your wife's anger, your daughter's family.

As far as your wife goes, it will help if you think of her as a stranger who is not your wife. She isn't at all the woman you imagined her to be. This isn't an opinion. This is a fact. She isn't and the fact that she is having an affair shows she isn't at all who you thought she was.

Your rights as a father are under major threat. This is why you have to wake up. Every BH is a potential victim here and I speak from experience. My WW filled me with fear that if I fought hard to stay in my kids lives I would ruin any chance of us being a family again someday. So I cowered and agreed to everything and had a mountain to climb by the time I woke up and decided I was going to fight for my rights as a father.

So this needs to become your number one focus. Protecting your rights as a father. Understand that you can't control her one bit. You can't control her emotions. You can't control what she does or who she does. You can only control you.

You need to draw a line in the sand that lets her know that if she continues down this path that you will not make it easy or pretty for her. Any attempt to take your daughter from you will result in a declaration of war where she will face a man hell bent and determined to lawyer up and protect his rights as a father and who WILL NOT simply back away and let her live out her little fantasy plan.

You see, she is living a fantasy where she wants OM while keeping you in the background. This is what you need to fight.

I will post more later, but will simply give you this much so you can digest it. Fear is your greatest threat and the only way that you will save your marriage and rights as a father is counterintuitive. Doing so involves getting your wife angry and even enraged. This is the normal response from a person who is protecting an addiction or is in a state of delusion.

Greet her anger with indifference. It will drive her crazy and let her see that she can't use that anger against you as a weapon.

I'm very interested in hearing how the party went.

Stay strong. Be cool. It's the best advice I ever got in my situation, but I never followed it.

U-C:

Saving the lost Dads is right. He is text book what you shouldn't do.

Your WW went to the party alone so she could spend hours alone with OM, either in one of the resort rooms, or somewhere else.

Start fighting from your Fury.

Just Learning said it best.

OM may WANT your wife, but he doesn't want the problems.

So, make it a problem to have her.

LG

This comes under the "Monkey exception rule". I will not date old men who have monkeys, even if they are nice old men.
The beating the kids thing, I could make an exception for, if he is really good looking.

Hey UC,

What happened to you?

It's my theory that he didn't like what he was hearing, and simply quit posting, but I could be wrong.

Maybe he pulled a Mike?

nah we got to him, he was talkin about firing up the Enola Gay lol The plane that dropped the A-bomb.

UMMMM well i was sure he said that. maybe It was another post

Dated 12-12-09

cant find any referance to enola gay must be my mistake

maybe he crumbled? It would be sad cuz he seemed like a nice enough guy.

Karma:

About this:


Maybe he showed out at that party, and watched as his WW and OM were covered in pigs blood....

LG

I think he's in a lot of pain today (no matter which way the evening went). I hope he comes back.

Gg