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My wife and I were sitting here watching some TV. A commercial came on and it was a spot for 'Inglorious [censored]' coming out on DVD.
My wife says do I know who Brad Pitt looks like when he smiles, and I said, umm, I dunno, not really. She said he looks like Jay,(our best man at our wedding).
I was like, oh thats nice, so every time you see Brad Pitt and see him smile you think of Jay? Or when you see Jay smile you think of Brad Pitt? I mean I wasn't mad, and we didn't have a fight, I just told her what I thought about her observation.
She said I am totally over reacting and being silly. I don't know, I just didn't feel good over hearing that. If I didn't have a Dday I am sure I would not have thought twice about what she said, but I am pretty insecure and sensitive now....do you guys think I over reacted?
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My wife and I were sitting here watching some TV. A commercial came on and it was a spot for 'Inglorious [censored]' coming out on DVD.
My wife says do I know who Brad Pitt looks like when he smiles, and I said, umm, I dunno, not really. She said he looks like Jay,(our best man at our wedding).
I was like, oh thats nice, so every time you see Brad Pitt and see him smile you think of Jay? Or when you see Jay smile you think of Brad Pitt? I mean I wasn't mad, and we didn't have a fight, I just told her what I thought about her observation.
She said I am totally over reacting and being silly. I don't know, I just didn't feel good over hearing that. If I didn't have a Dday I am sure I would not have thought twice about what she said, but I am pretty insecure and sensitive now....do you guys think I over reacted? I don't think I'd put a lot of worry into this one, cod. I've seen people before who remind me of other people and I've mentioned that to my H. No biggie. Unless, of course, she's talking a lot about Jay in other contexts. That's your flag.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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"My wife says do I know who Brad Pitt looks like when he smiles, and I said, umm, I dunno, not really. She said he looks like Jay,(our best man at our wedding)."
And your point is?
Was Jay the OM?
Did the OM look like Brad Pitt?
My point is that there will be triggers. If Brad Pitt is in a movie then don't watch it. Don't trigger yourself.
Next point, when WW triggers you tell her what she did so she won't go there again.
Last point is there are too many stories to keep all the identies straight so poster's have to help out with a touch of detail.
Last edited by TheRoad; 12/15/09 08:54 AM.
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No 'Jay' wasn't one of the OM, I should have mentioned that. He is just my best friend and spent a lot of time with us early in our marriage when we were stationed overseas and out on the West coast.
My FWW has never mentioned 'Jay' in any other context along those lines, but it did trigger me and she did say she was sorry this morning.
It's just weird how some things cause a trigger. Probably from her perspective it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it did hurt me. I know she didn't mean to hurt or cause a trigger.
Thanks for your comments.
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It's just weird how some things cause a trigger. Probably from her perspective it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it did hurt me.
"Honey, I know my Brad Pitt comment made no sense. Let me tell you what's really going on. I am currently very insecure when you notice other men. Yes, even when it makes no sense. My insecurity is emotionally driven, and has no IQ. I just wanted you to know what I am going though. I'll try to recognize this sooner next time, so you can give me a reassuring hug. Can I have one now?"
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Thanks 'PB', and you're exactly right. We are supposed to be doing that, using I statements and expressing how we feel when something comes in us. I have been getting better but it is work.
My wife knows I am uber sensitive in areas such as that, and she totally understands, its just her trying to remember before she makes a comment, or I see her doing something. I also have to do my part by explaining to her what I feel and why.
That is a good example, thanks.
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It's just weird how some things cause a trigger. Probably from her perspective it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it did hurt me. I know she didn't mean to hurt or cause a trigger.
Thanks for your comments. My FWH didn't click the remote button fast enough to open the passenger door for me Friday night. And I LOST IT. I mean as in screaming banshee, pounding on the window on the way home, threatening to break it with my shoe if I EVER had to wait for him to open the door for me again.  All because I triggered from the knowledge that he always opened the door for OW, and now here I am, chopped liver, waiting in the snow and pulling fruitlessly on the handle while he is settling himself in the driver's seat. Sigh. I'm better than I used to be, though. (But I'll bet it'll be awhile before he forgets to click that remote twice to get that passenger door open.)
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Yup 'MB', I hear you...I'm sure we can all list a million triggers, and when I do bring some up when they happen my wife is totally clueless. Some of them she totally is waiting for me, some, totally blindsided. Just yesterday she was making some sort of moaning sound in the car before we got out to shop, totally unrelated to sex but the sound set off a trigger. She may not realize what the trigger is about, initially, but she is very good at picking up my mood change, even before I say anything. I told her that moaning sound she made had me wondering what kind of moaning sounds she made when she was having sex with those guys. And I also said I wonder what kind of sounds the dudes made...shortly after I said that I went ahead and 
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Yup 'MB', I hear you...I'm sure we can all list a million triggers, and when I do bring some up when they happen my wife is totally clueless. Some of them she totally is waiting for me, some, totally blindsided. Just yesterday she was making some sort of moaning sound in the car before we got out to shop, totally unrelated to sex but the sound set off a trigger. She may not realize what the trigger is about, initially, but she is very good at picking up my mood change, even before I say anything. I told her that moaning sound she made had me wondering what kind of moaning sounds she made when she was having sex with those guys. And I also said I wonder what kind of sounds the dudes made...shortly after I said that I went ahead and Oy, I know.  H has a sound that isn't related to SF that does the same thing to me. It gets better, though, cod, I promise you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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