I joined marriage builders last year in October. I was in an affair and was not ready to listen to anyone about OM in my life. I was married for 15 years, lived my life for my husband and family but was never appreciated or treated right. My husband was married when we met, kept this secret from me and told me half truth 2 days before we got engaged. He told me that he had done a paper marriage to get green card for USA. I am from Pakistan and so is he. 3 months into marriage, I recieved his X wifes letters, intimate pics and a lot more in the mail. I digested that without telling anyone as he had asked me to. His family came over from Pakistan, lived with us for 3 years and I was a maid to them. I kept on going and tried my best to keep our family together and happy. I worked 16 hour days plus doing house work taking care of 3 kids and doing 90% of all work and making 70% of money to run the house. This was not appreciated. He would not listen in making financial decisions and would tell me that he knew what he was doing and if we would get into an argument, he would say " iam done with you, my way or Highway or you are a woman and know your place, donot try to take my place." I felt humiliated and small and this resentment grew in me unknowingly until I met this OM.
Now saying all that, my husband is not a bad person. He has a good heart and we had some really good times together. He has anger and controll issues that made everything look worse. Anyway, I met this OM at work. We both liked eachother and started seeing eachother. WE knew this was wrong and kept on trying to stay away from eachother however could not and got emotionally and sexually involved and started thinking to divorce aour spouses and get married with eachother.
Om lied to me several times but I would not see it. He left his house several times and than would go back to his wife who he said was very disrespectful to him and decieved him by saying that she was pregnant by him, to get married to him but the child was someone else's.
I was already ot a point in my marriage where I felt suffocated. After a long 11/2 year of OM lies that he wants me, he and his wife filed a restraining order against me trying to prove that I was an evil, mentally disturbed person and I am the one not leaving him alone. He was able to get that against me in June however he has sent me a couple of face book and email invites and recently I recieved another chat invite from him with his actuall name and email address. ( he used other names and emails than his own before).
He is not leaving me alone. He knows that he has a court order against me and it feel likes he wants to trap me. I am so disturbed and don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
Me and my husband are getting divorced in 2 weeks and are separated from 7 months and I have the kids and am doing everything for them myself.

Cancel all FaceBook accounts. Cancel all phone numbers and get new ones and give these only to your immediate family.
Cancel all email accounts and start one new one. Cancel everything else. NEVER have anything to do with OM again.

I assume you're in the US? Go to www.unitedway.org and find the office closest to you. Go to them and ask them for help. They have dozens of agencies that can help you get through this.

I would have cancelled everything however my problem is that I am in real estate and so is he. If I even change my phone number, agents can go on the NWMLS site and find any other agent which office they work with and what is their phone number, in a matter of 30 sec. I do not want to have anything with him anymore.
Thanks for the web address. I will definitely try that.

Your choice, but if you're in legal trouble, NOT changing your numbers will look like you were trying to stay in touch with him.

What does your attorney say?

Take the evidence that he's contacting you to your attorney and let him/her handle it.

Don't respond, just give the facts to your attorney and walk away.

I did that, took it to my attorney and would have him take care of it.
Thanks

New update!

The OM has stopped sending me messages.

I also got divorced last week. I thought I would not have major regrets or grief however I am totally devistated by this. I cried the whole time we were in court and held my X H hand. He was very sad too.
I just feel very depressed. I know deep down inside me that if we would have stayed together, it would have not worked out but still I feel going into depression. What shold I do?

Get up and get moving in life. Every day. Eat healthily. Exercise. Enjoy your children. Get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of water. These are things that work for me. If you do not feel better in a few weeks go see a doctor.

(((LL)))))) I know it is tough. It is a chance for you to start over and never. do. this. again. Ever. Remember this pain. You do not want to do this again.

Just be strong and stand behind your decisions, even when it's too hard!

If you weren't grieving the loss of your marriage, I would be more worried about you than I am. Depression at this point is not only understandable, it's expected.

Do things to get yourself out of your head. Lunch with friends, take up a new hobby or pastime. Volunteer (this is a great time of year to help at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, etc.). Take a trip, join a club... the point is, you have a life. GO LIVE IT.

Thanks, I have started my life again. I am back to work and are focusing on my children. Its getting better everyday!

I am doing better. I think I am slowly moving on. Thanks