This is really good advice. I know it is hard and uncomfortable to change your approach, but realize that unless you do, things are NOT going to change.

You can do it.

I am in agreement with this. You need to find a way to exert pressure on him so that the pain of the consequence is more than the pain of losing his extramarital EAs.

No I would rather see you away from him, At least for now because he doesn't seem seriuos about plan A. It would be better to Plan B right now if he has been pulling this for 4 years.
I was saying that "IF' he was complient, sorry I was not clear.

You definatly shoud keep the kids and be the one who keeps the house.

Do you live with MIL or in your own place? Will you be able to survive without his $ for support? Those were the issues I was addressing.

Of course he knows! H has no doubt that it is unacceptable and even for himself, it is not acceptable. I'm not worried about him running off and getting married to a #2. I have been with him 15 years, I know him. Even though it is accepted by the religion, the culture, it is not accepted by him. Now, the women on the other hand just don't care. I can't take my children away from him, that is drastic and they love him. Besides talking to girls, he is a good father, always at home, spends time with them, takes them out, very loving. I wouldn't do that to my kids. H is a good man. H is a wonderful man, when he thinks straight. The thing I think that matters to him is me and his kids. I just have to hold my ground, continue NC with him, even if we're in same house, insist he go to IC, and not waver until he does. Yesterday he sent me sms, asked if I wanted to go with all the family this weekend to the camp, I didn't answer. When my son asks me, I will tell him I don't want to be anywhere around your dad until he can change his hurtful behavior.

he has been so secrative about this. How will you know when he has stopped? You know about 4 OW,

Ok . If you can hold his feet to the fire in a way that gets him to comply with counselling, and its what you BOTH want. I guess you are on the right track.

God bless

H left yesterday, didn't come home, I went out with friends, H sent me messages, asking where I am, told me to have fun. He tried to call me, I was on the other line, he sent a message saying "who are you talking to??" I ignored him. This is really hard, out of the blue I have to stop myself from crying, how do I handle my emotions?! H hasn't even tried to talk to me, don't know if he doesn't know what to say, or just doesn't care.

Justsad, I think you're doing fabulously! The fact that WH is attempting to contact you means he's conflicted and wants to keep you close. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU RESPOND.

In fact, you are better off NOT READING HIS MESSAGES. You are now in PLAN B. This means ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. This goes both ways: You don't receive anything from him, and you do nothing to find out about what he's doing, where he's going and so on.

THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD as well as part of the process to rescue your marriage. BE STRONG. Post here and we'll help you through this. WE ARE NOW YOUR SUPPORT.

Stay strong. You CAN do this!

Thank you Fred, just when I find myself ready to give in, I read a post like yours, and feel stronger.

Fred is right . You are in our prayers

Are you out here Justsad and doin ok?

Muslim women are evil.... My husband's "2nd wife" - of course he went out there telling me that was a biz trip and married her behind my back and kept it away from me for almost 2 years. (We live in US and my H is an American born and raised who converted to Islam from Christianity right after our child had been born)

She composed two "tell-off" letters and forwarded them to my H telling him that the had come from me trying to make me look bad and desparate. They are impossible.

JustSad, I am in the very similar situation as yours... We have started to go to joint marriage counseling but I am seriously wondering what good will it do with my H still communicating with OW (she lives very far away in a different country and they e-mail and sms each other) My H doesn't want a divorce but says he can't all of a sudden stop communicating with her. What a bullcrap. Should I tell him (again) that I won't go for another joint session before he terminates the relationship (which I already did)? Need an insight. Thank you,,,

JustSad, I will be praying for you.

bibsviv,

Please start your own thread in Surviving an Affair forum, you will get much more specific advice about your WH affair.

And you are right - marriage counseling at the same time your WH is communicating (in any form) with OW is total waste of your time and your money.

recon6mo,

Thanks for your feedback and I will create a new thread of my own.

And Pepperband (and everybody else here), I will take back what I have said. There are many good & nice muslim women and I should never say things that label people.. I was only referring to this particular person I have had a misfortune to deal with. I guess I was a bit too carried away.... I apologize.

I think itssafe to say we all getcarried away sometimes. NP
I will be looking for your thread