Reply to helpthelostdads:

To what end? There's no child support involved. Even though she's going to be receiving some money soon, she owes so much that I can't sue her for damages. What would be the point, except to help put my attorney's kids through college?

I'm beginning to believe that. I have something along that line written and posted in front of me as an affirmation. And unlike some here, I can escape relatively unscathed. I own the house, the cars and keep them all. All I suffer is a broken heart (and they heal, I'm told).

So I've heard. But I need to recover from this first, before I even consider another R.

I am my WW's 4th husband. We used to laugh and say I was her "LAST" husband. As you observe, she's now heading for (another) disaster. Well, I guess two cheaters being together is somehow poetic justice. I wonder which will be the first to leave the relationship?

Amen.

You're her 4th husband, and she cheated on you, too? EPIC !!

tl

{{{Bowing head in shame}}}

In my desire to have a long-lasting, loving M, I chose to believe that WW's entry into and participation in A.A. would enable her to become a healthier person.

Not everyone who stops drinking is sober, however.

And I had to learn this the hardest way possible.

NO shame to you. You're not the first man--nor will you be the last--to be snookered by an alluring facade. One of the best friends I have, a man who's as much of a son to me as my own two biological sons, became the 3rd husband of a troll concealed in sexy, magnetic packaging. Her previous husbands were all bad people (that goes without saying, of course!). So he became stepdad to her 3 daughters, and the father of her only son. I'm not sure if she began cheating on him when she was pregnant, but if not, it was shortly thereafter.

He was bitterly disillusioned. I knew her long before he did, and knew what she was like, but her superficial appeal was incredibly strong...and what guy pursuing a woman in heat is going to listen to a woman old enough to be his mother? And besides that, the mother of the young lady she had hoped he would marry. I have, ultimately, been completely vindicated in my opinion, but what a wreck she made of that man's life. Not exactly your scenario, I realize, but there are some similarities that strike me forcibly. I sincerely hope you recover and heal your wounds... and then stay the heck away from the lady who wielded the ax!

tl

Must rephrase. The estrogen-based alleged human life form.

tl

Um...did you tell us that before?

Don't recall it.

If you had, we probably would have given completely different advice.

My old BFF's mother was married 7 times - at least that's how many when I knew her, when I was in 7th grade. God knows how many more men she went through after that. Her daughter...well, what a sad soul she was. Her mother was ALL about herself. I'm sure she wished she had never even had kids, they were just in her way.

I haven't re-read my entire thread, but I thought I'd mentioned it before.

The different advice would be what? Cut and run?

Thanks, Ms. Beatle. I have no intention of leaving any time soon (although truth be told, I think too much reading here can get depressing).

After all, I still own 50% of the problems we had. And that I wasn't consciously aware of them is the lesson I've learned from MB.

That she doesn't recognize her 50% is what has confused and confounded me. I think she may not have it within her. As I mentioned before, one of the "elders" I know told me that until she gets honest with herself, she'll never find what she's looking for.

And I now know why her FxH and her "brothers" want nothing to do with her. "Damaged goods" may be a charitable way of describing her.

To repeat myself (I guess ad infinitum, at least until I get tired of saying it), my fault was in believing A.A. recovery meant "personality recovery."

And that's on me.

No more rescuing damsels in distress.
The initial "high" is there for you, but later on, she's still distressed.

I luv the Beatles.

I never thought I was rescuing her. I was blind to some of (okay, maybe all) the , but she wasn't a helpless, hopeless sort. She struck me as being determined, bright, caring and strong. If she had been otherwise, perhaps the A wouldn't have hit me as hard as it did.

My attorney admonished me that I couldn't have a girl friend for a least six months (the required minimum separation period), as I was still legally married. My own history, and gun-shy reaction to this is likely going to keep me single for quite a while more...

Speaking of my attorney, I just received a call from her. Apparently the new-found cash she's been expecting has come through, and now she wants to move her stuff out of the house.

She wanted to bring the moving van over January 2, but my attorney knew I was going to be away for the holiday. WW asked if perhaps my DD27 could be there in my place, but even my attorney knew that wasn't going to happen.

So we have set January 9, 2010 as the first possible date. Since I work during the week, I do not want this to happen during a work day. Sorry, WW, but those are my conditions.

You know, I really don't feel so bad about this. The memories will go with her then.

Someone I was speaking to recently explained relationships as needing 200%. 100% from both parties.


It becomes a lesson as opposed to a mistake provided you learn from it, and do not repeat it. Which sounds like where you are at. A good thing.

There is an old (Jewish?) saying: Too soon we grow old, too late we grow wise.

I thought it was an old German saying: "Too soon old, too late schmart." Whatever--it's true no matter who thought it up. Also true is the saying, "Youth is WASTED on the young."

Fred, check out a website called "shrink4men". Lots of good articles by a woman LCP about red flags in dating this type of disordered woman.
Also, read some of Marc Rudov's stuff on his site.
I was fooled twice by the packaging. But, in hindsight, the flags were everywhere.

Fred,
I too wish you well. I also hope you stick around and offer advice and support. You have so much to contribute. Your plan B was really something. You remain an inspiration for the betrayed spouse.

Optimism

That is a very interesting and informative site.