Jen,

You need to verify that NC is in place and continue to verify that it does.
Have you figured out what his top 3 EN's are yet?
Admiration is most likely right up there, what are the other two?

How are you being the best wife that you can be?

I check cell records everyday, still NC. His top 3 EN's I think are admiration, Sexual Fulfillment, and Honesty and Openness. He says I don't listen and I only hear what I want to hear.
Well Ive been wearing make-up everyday and dressing in nice tight jeans(well as tight as I can right now) ya know the d-day diet Ive lost 13 lbs which is not a good thing Im 5'6" and now I weigh 103lbs. but anyway. Ive been staying off the computer while he is home and hanging out with the kids trying to be happy, something he metioned about OW, "shes always happy." we didnt have sex as often as he liked he would always make comments...however since d-day the sex has been amazing,and at least once a week,before d-day it was more like once a month, yeah I know bad on my part, it kills to me in a way to make love to him and I end up crying but it's the only way to be close to him right now. I've made him lunch a few days for him for work...some days he seems ok and others I feel like a stranger in my own home, it's weird Ive been with him so long and he has not ever been like this..it's hard. but Im not giving up. I love him too much.

I certainly hope that you are keeping in mind the deal about STD's...and, I certainly hope that you don't come down with one. You should have made him go for testing as was suggested to you very early in this thread but, so far, you have not mentioned having him do that (that I have read anyway).
You do seem to be doing some of the right things but there are many, many suggestions that have been made to you that you COULD do if you were willing to find a way but, you have not done them (again, as far as I have read) like the gps or recorder in his vehicle, etc.

This guy is doing what is called "gaslighting" to you and you want it to work so badly that you are being a little naieve IMO.

I do hope that this turns around but you do need to be a little more vigilant and protective of yourself.

What have you done about your check and the checking account? Did he ever return the documents that he took out of the house? Did you ever consider contacting a debt relief place to help you sort out the debts? Please, protect your self and do not let this man pull the wool over your eyes.

Hmm well it has been a long time since I have been here....well the documents that he took out of the house were for a lawyer (i got them back)...who essentially told him wether he stays or goes he is responsible for us he took me to dinner and explained this...great...I plan A'd my heart out and he says everything is ok and going fine and I am finally telling him how i feel but he still thinks what he did wasnt an affair...and he never tells me how he feels...which leads me to think he is settling which I dont want....I deserve more...what in 3-4 years when my youngest is 18 what then? im at the point where i am angry...I deserve and want more than someone who is settling for me...any advice?

He probably sees your affair as a free pass for him to do the same. Poor girls.

Jenn,

The overall tone I get from reading your posts is that you have never understood what effect your affair had on your husband. It seems you would like just to brush it under the rug.

Since, I would guess, it was never resolved or explained to his satisfaction at the time of occurrence, your husband feels like he has 8 years of suffering to atone for.

Were you entirely honest with your husband about your affair, or are you still keeping the OM identity secret or something of that nature. Just because a man is silent does not mean he has recovered.

God Bless
Gamma

No I understand what effect It had on him no there were no secrets he knew who he was and he and I were seperated for a yr and a half while it went on and ended. we didnt get back together until it had ended about 6 months later....he never said anything until he was sleeping with someone else right before thanksgiving this past year and my affair occured in 2000

9 pages and 6 months later the story starts to unfold. You left your H to carry on an affair for a year and a half, and, when you and OM broke up, ran back to your H like nothing happened and expected him to just pick up where you left off?
Your words above show you have no idea of the pain you inflicted.

That poor bas_tard.