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Of course, I don't mean to contact her - I'm going as dark as possible.
But WW is a Facebook friend - if I update my status, she will likely see it. I'm planning on taking a trip for a couple of weeks without her and wish to share photos from the road with friends.
Should I delete her as a friend or let her witness that I'm living life carefree without her?
BS (me): 40
WW: just turned 33 (ACA, possibly Bipolar II)
Together: 6.5 yrs
M: 4.5 yrs
D-day 1: 4/28/09 - Revealed ONS
D-day 2: 5/30/09 - Revealed addl ONS and 2 A - one active (there are/were four OM)
Suspected A 1/09 and started Plan A
False recovery: 12/4/09 - 12/10/09
Moved her out and switched to Plan B 12/15/09
WW met Plan B requirements 2/10/10 - recovery has not begun
Thankfully, no children are being harmed by WW's selfishness!
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Delete her as a friend. I struggled with the same issue, and the "pros" here advised me that DARK MEANS DARK.
I still wish I could post about the things I enjoy that WE enjoyed. But the pros are right -- any connection with WW is harmful.
Plan B is about removing the WS from our perceptions. That way, if the WS never comes out of the fog, we will have grown used to life without them.
It's rough. Believe me, I know it's rough. But it's good advice. Take it.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Very sound advice Fred.
Yep, Plan B = NO FACEBOOK
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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It's rough. Believe me, I know it's rough. But it's good advice. Take it. It's done. I thought I was moving forward, but the feelings I now have from deleting her show me I have a long road to travel. I've read your story Fred (and Queenie). Thanks for your support.
BS (me): 40
WW: just turned 33 (ACA, possibly Bipolar II)
Together: 6.5 yrs
M: 4.5 yrs
D-day 1: 4/28/09 - Revealed ONS
D-day 2: 5/30/09 - Revealed addl ONS and 2 A - one active (there are/were four OM)
Suspected A 1/09 and started Plan A
False recovery: 12/4/09 - 12/10/09
Moved her out and switched to Plan B 12/15/09
WW met Plan B requirements 2/10/10 - recovery has not begun
Thankfully, no children are being harmed by WW's selfishness!
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Good job inLA.
Good job Fredo. (he's wielding the MB flyswatter for me)
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Part Two of the question - delete all of her family members, too? Her three sisters, mom and BIL are Facebook friends.
BS (me): 40
WW: just turned 33 (ACA, possibly Bipolar II)
Together: 6.5 yrs
M: 4.5 yrs
D-day 1: 4/28/09 - Revealed ONS
D-day 2: 5/30/09 - Revealed addl ONS and 2 A - one active (there are/were four OM)
Suspected A 1/09 and started Plan A
False recovery: 12/4/09 - 12/10/09
Moved her out and switched to Plan B 12/15/09
WW met Plan B requirements 2/10/10 - recovery has not begun
Thankfully, no children are being harmed by WW's selfishness!
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Use the block function effectively. Go to the page of the person you want to block. Scroll down under their profile pix you will see a link that says: Report/Block this person (if you are friends with that person you will not see the link) Once you open the link: You are about to report a violation of our Terms of Use. All reports are strictly confidential.
If you're reporting someone for an inappropriate group, message, post, etc., please do so through the report link on the page where you see that content.
Block this person
If you block someone, they will not be able to find you in a Facebook search, see your profile, or interact with you through Facebook channels (such as Wall posts, Poke, etc.). Any Facebook ties you currently have with a person you block will be broken (for example, friendship connections, Relationship Status, etc.). Note that blocking someone may not prevent all communications and interactions in third-party applications, and does not extend to elsewhere on the Internet.
Report this person Check the box that says "block this person" Do not hit "report this person" Do not fill in the "reason".(which is for reporting a violation) Hit "submit" ... and that person is now listed in you privacy section under "block list". Block People
People you have blocked will not be able to interact with you on Facebook. Any Facebook friendships or relationships you currently have with that person will be broken. Note that blocking someone may not prevent all communications and interactions in applications, and does not extend to elsewhere on the Internet.
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I wouldn't unfriend all the friends & family of your wayward if they are your friends, too. It's fine for the wayward to be reminded that you are doing fine without them... it's just not fine for YOU to be drawn into the wayward's drama!
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Not only do you need to remove her from FB for YOUR sake, but also so she can't get any BetrayedInLA's fixes either.
It needs to be pitch black on her end too.
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Part Two of the question - delete all of her family members, too? Her three sisters, mom and BIL are Facebook friends. I would delete them as well. You don't need to catch glimpses of her in pics they post or info they write. And WW shouldn't get any glimpses as to what you are up to too. Pitch black...both ways!!!
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And WW shouldn't get any glimpses as to what you are up to too.
Pitch black...both ways!!! So you're also suggesting my family members delete WW from their friends list, right? I deleted all of her family and friends from my list. Frankly, that was a lot easier - and a little fun!
BS (me): 40
WW: just turned 33 (ACA, possibly Bipolar II)
Together: 6.5 yrs
M: 4.5 yrs
D-day 1: 4/28/09 - Revealed ONS
D-day 2: 5/30/09 - Revealed addl ONS and 2 A - one active (there are/were four OM)
Suspected A 1/09 and started Plan A
False recovery: 12/4/09 - 12/10/09
Moved her out and switched to Plan B 12/15/09
WW met Plan B requirements 2/10/10 - recovery has not begun
Thankfully, no children are being harmed by WW's selfishness!
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So you're also suggesting my family members delete WW from their friends list, right? It depends on which family members. I wouldn't suggest having your children delete their mom's page. And as long as your birth family knows you don't want to hear any of WW's activities and they respect your boundaries, I wouldn't ask them, either. But make it clear to them that THEY ARE NOT TO TELL YOU if they read something the WW posts. NADA. NOTHING. ZILCH. Got it?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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It depends on which family members. I wouldn't suggest having your children delete their mom's page. And as long as your birth family knows you don't want to hear any of WW's activities and they respect your boundaries, I wouldn't ask them, either.
But make it clear to them that THEY ARE NOT TO TELL YOU if they read something the WW posts. NADA. NOTHING. ZILCH.
Got it? Thanks Fred! FWIW, there are no kids.
BS (me): 40
WW: just turned 33 (ACA, possibly Bipolar II)
Together: 6.5 yrs
M: 4.5 yrs
D-day 1: 4/28/09 - Revealed ONS
D-day 2: 5/30/09 - Revealed addl ONS and 2 A - one active (there are/were four OM)
Suspected A 1/09 and started Plan A
False recovery: 12/4/09 - 12/10/09
Moved her out and switched to Plan B 12/15/09
WW met Plan B requirements 2/10/10 - recovery has not begun
Thankfully, no children are being harmed by WW's selfishness!
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If you have her blocked, you won't see anything she writes on other people's walls, even if they are mutual friends. I suggest you treat these people as individuals rather than as connections to her. If they are cheerleading her affair, unfriend them immediately as you would with anyone doing such a thing. If they have been helpful and supportive to you, keep them. If you find they do talk or write about WW, you can ask them not to.
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***Deleted***
Last edited by Fred_in_VA; 12/22/09 02:04 PM. Reason: Deleted: Started New Post
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Betrayed, where did your other thread go? I haven't seen it lately?
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