Did you add this for more drama?

No one here would support your MIL's attitude Ottert.

So why have you started this thread, which attacks her, ottert? She is making an effort to rebuild, and you have said elsewhere how much improved your marriage is today, with Dr Harley's (and I think Kim's) direct help.

Why, if this improvement is so evident, are you publicly rehashing this lost-standing grievance you have had with her?

I recall some people blew it off as no big deal.

His wife clearly has.

All of the above.


Thanks for the support but I won't be doing this. Tempted? Yes! I am going to pray that her conscience will somehow be pricked some day and the realization will hit her. Not likely, though.

Is this the approach you take in your own marriage...give him a taste of his own medicine?

Has that proven to be a successful approach?

Has it created the intimate, passionate, caring marriage you desire?

If you cant understand cheating
You will risk it repeating
Put your marriage in the dumps
While your ego get some pumps

Your heart is with another
And your spouse you would gladly smother
To be with your new love
Your family you would shove

Never will you be forgiven
Until you can see what you have been given
And what you nearly ruined
I hope it will be sooooon!

The hurt you have wrought
Will follow and damage every thought
Until you are living in blindness
Why not get back to some kindness

Face the truth every day
Face the truth every way
Dont lie anymore
Take your spouse and tell them more

Ask forgiveness for your sins
Dont continue to be so dim!
Your actions hurt like loss of limb,
But you think it is tiny like a pin.

Smash and destroy your precious marriage
Forget that you once pushed a baby carriage
You loved your spouse a long time ago
Now you are acting like a big DODO.

Am I the only one here who finds this thread extremely painful to follow? I've taken to just marking it read...

Yeah, you are the only one, Fred. You are ever the individualist.

SMB, well now that you mention it, yes I did do that. It did solve our issues. Just because you give them a taste of thier own medicine does not mean you have to be mean, abusive selfish or unpleasant about it.

You can give them this TASTE in a TASTEFUL wonderful clear and kind way. Do you see this? This is exactly what I did.

{{{{Fred}}}}

No, you are not the only one. IMO it was an insensitive thread topic that risks causing many BS's here a great deal of pain and triggering.

Not terribly dramatic, IMO. But, it is good info as it may show your WW's mindset and where she gets her values on this subject.
Apparently her folks were okay with secret communications with exs. No surprise, then, that she feels the same.

SMB I want to add, that was merely ONE of the tactics I used to save my own marriage. One of MANY that worked to increase our love for one another and strengthen our marriage.

* It is not by any means the ONLY way!!!!!LOL!!!!

That approach is deceitful and not a great foundation for a marriage, especially one being REBUILT.

Ottert, I'm glad you see the flaws in that approach...to your marriage and to yourself.

SMB you do not understand what I was saying. You dont even understand. I would never be decietful.

I push people to THINK . Of ALL THE OPTIONS

OUTSIDE THE BOX.

If you can learn to think outside the box, then you can manage a marriage (which is very very complex) very well. So both people are happy!

SEE SMB.....SAY WHAT YOU WANT.... YOU ARE NOT GETTING ME DOWN TODAY!

It is nice that people can think of different options. Even if they say NO to some of them. It enlarges the mind to think of every possible option. And REFUSE some and GO WITH OTHERS and BRAINSTORM about others.

OPTIONS ARE GOOD!!!

I understood perfectly.

You suggested he make his wife think he is having an affair through FB.

That is deceitful.

MB is based on openness and honesty.





Yeah, that'll help them create a loving, intimate marriage.

It is painful for me to watch ottert invite people here to fan the flames of this argument between him and his wife. He did this before the board crashed, and his wife moved out for a while. They only just made it to the MB weekend in October. Since that weekend, and with the help of the coaching available on the private forum, the relationship between them has improved. It is not perfect, and Mrs Otter does not acknowledge that what she had was an EA, but the relationship is much improved, according to ottert in his recent posts.

I recognise your dismay, ottert, that your wife still does not see her behaviour over the emailing as unacceptable and dangerous. I agree that if she does not see the danger in what she did, she might do it again. Conversely, though, she might never do anything like it again because she is learning from Dr Harley NOT to be the source of her spouse's unhappiness.

She is still learning from Dr Harley, as are you (I hope) ottert, and it is disloyal and, I should imagine, hurtful for you to seek public condemnation of your wife, behind her back, at this critical time.

I see no disloyalty. Simply a request for some validation re his perception of what his wife did, in the face of her repeatedly avoiding responsibility.
Many BSs need support and validation in the aftermath of affair trauma.

Bubble, my intent has never been to get you down.

But when you are giving poor advice, and advising someone to set up fake FB accounts and pretend to have an affair IS poor advice, I will certainly speak up and say so. When I give poor advice, I would hope someone would speak up and redirect the poster.