My son went today for the first time with estranged husband. My husband had come to pick up the dog and two of our cats. He also wanted our wireless internet card and it seemed that was his biggest concern.

My son came home and told me that he needed to tell me something. He said the first thing my husband did was to hook the internet up. My son said he went to give him a hug and saw the screen. It was some girl on facebook wearing a jersey and panties, My husband minimized the screen.

He also asked my son a bunch of questions about me, "am I doing okay?", "he loves me but we are divorcing because I'd never do anything with him", "it's okay, I'll get over it in a few years".

It's funny because the dog and cats immediately started peeing all over his new place. Geez, I shouldn't be so hateful, but the thought of the OW coming there and sleeping in the smell of dog and cat pee just puts a big smile on my face.

Okay, so obviously there is someone else; I figured. What is the right move now???

EaM, it's probably best if you keep all of your posts in a single thread (I'm passing on the advice I was given, trust me!). That way we can refer back to things like your son's age...

You can click the "Notify" button below, and ask the moderators to fold this thread into your original.

Having said that, here's what I think:

The first thing you should do is tell your son that daddy is not living at home because he has a girl friend, and that it's not right for married people to have girl friends or boy friends. Tell you son that you love daddy very much, and hope he can come home, but he has to break up with the girl friend first.

You husband was manipulating your son, which is a horrible thing for anyone to do, affair or not. He is in "the fog" and is doing and saying things that help him justify to himself his bad behavior.

It's not appropriate for you to say negative things about your husband to your son, but if you think your son will be subjected to unhealthy experiences while visiting your husband, you will need to establish some healthy boundaries. You might even get him a disposable cell phone so that he can call you if he gets uncomfortable during his visits.

That's just a beginning. The folks who have dealt with similar situations will be here soon with solid advice. Until then, stay calm, stay focused, and know that help is on the way!