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Living in the moment seems hard to achieve, but when I put my mind to it, it is easier that I think. All we have is the now. We do not know if we will be alive tomorrow. We truly do not .
Situations that seem irreversible turn around at a flick of a switch. Desperate scenarios turn into something totally opposite.
When we think life is totally against us, a sudden and unexpected turn of events surprises us and makes our lives worth living.
Lets not under-estimate the immense power of life.
We are like a speck of sand that twirls in the wind and then settles on the beach to enjoy the hot son. Till the rain comes. And than the sun again...to dry us and shine us.
Did you all see the Cohen's brothers movie: A serious man. OM dies. Then....other things happen/
Who are we to know? All we have is this...moment/
blessing
atena
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Fred,
Thanks for that story. Very similar to mine. I am not putting OW down here or saying that I am better, but she is really the polar opposite of me in every way. Just know that I've nicknamed her Miss Mullet because of her chosen hair style. I'll leave it at that.
I would like to know how your mom recovered. It is very difficult after 36 years. This I know...
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Posts: 2,390
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One more question Fred,
How long did your dad stay married to the bumpkin?
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Posts: 2,888
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My mother passed away from cancer only a few years after they divorced. I remember her calling my father her "assassin."
Dad stayed married to the shrew until he died in 2005. She passed away last year. The were married 28 years.
I'm convinced that he was enticed by the "charms" of a woman 18 years his junior. He was on the brink of retirement and felt old and "out to pasture."
Marrying him actually cost him the possibility of a dream job out of retirement. He had to turn it down because of the "image problem" resulting from his remarriage.
I think he stayed with her partly because he had made his bed and now had to sleep in it, and also because he didn't want to be alone at his stage of life (I can relate. But then, I'm his son...).
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Thanks Fred. It's all so tragic.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Posts: 11,245
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Not quite the same, but my dad left to find as many women as would have him, but also to find a "June Cleaver." My mom wouldn't quit work to be a SAHM (she was a nurse, long before she met him). She basically did a Plan B because she wanted nothing to do with him, even when he begged to come back home.
Anyway, he married an evil, evil woman who made all our lives hell. On his deathbed, he admitted what a mistake he had made, acknowledged we all hated her guts, but said that he 'needed' her because she took care of him. After all his life, all he ever wanted in it was a woman to take care of him (i.e., to replace his mother). And that need overwhelmed everything else.
Point is, if you can figure out what his #1 need is, you might have a way back together.
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If my H #1 need is to be taken care of...there is no chance of doing that on plan B. Actually if is #1 need is sex...or anything for that matter...there is no way to meet that in plan B.
blessing
atena
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I agree with Atena. In Plan B we cannot meet those needs, but I think most of us did a good job of meeting them when we did Plan A. I know that I did for almost an entire year, but in the end OP won out anyway.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Posts: 2,531
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Oh, well. Merry F'n Christmas. Waaah. (((Mulan))) I swear I say this every year now. Should change my name to Scrooge or Grinch or something! Anyway, I completely hear you Mulan. I am also done with WXH but consider myself in Plan B. Plan B doesn't have to end just because Plan D takes effect. It's actually not a bad lifestyle. Christmas is always the worst because it's filled with constant reminders of your former life. Honestly, I would almost prefer to go away by myself and come back when it's all over. But if it weren't for Plan B, I'd be a wreck. On those odd occassions where I have no choice but to contact WXH, or be in his presence, the emotions come flooding back, usually along with fresh anger. I can't imagine feeling like that all the time.
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