My husband recently admitted that he got herpes from his lover. He disclosed this last week...the affair was revealed several months ago. I had been wondering why he didn't want to have sex...

I'm glad he was honest but now I feel like I trust him less... I wonder 'why didn't you tell me before?' and 'what else are you hiding?'

Am wondering how others deal with this sort of thing...

Is he still seeing OP?

My W & I were so caught up in the trauma caused by my affair, that for 10 days, I never even thought of the STD risk. Our marriage counselor brought up the issue in, I think, our 2nd session with her.

Upon this, I went & got tested asap, and showed the results to my wife (which were negative, thank God).

If I were you, I'd be wondering exactly what you're wondering -- 'why didn't you tell me before?' and 'what else are you hiding?'

If he's got one bug, he could have others. Your H should be getting a full battery of tests for the whole range of major STDs, and showing you the results asap, as a minimal step toward regaining your trust. If he expresses any reticence about doing this, then I'd have big trouble trusting a word he says.

Hi Diva! Wow, that really stinks! It's funny how karma works; it really got him! I know it must hurt you a lot. I'm sorry! I'm struggling with my current husband's dishonesty and infidelity too; I think I hate dishonesty the worst of all!

A similar thing happened with my first husband. He was a serial cheater, but like an idiot I always seemed to take him back. He'd even create fights with me so that he could say we were over and go cheat only to come back crying saying it wasn't really cheating because we were broken up; so stupid, especially on my part for taking him back over and over and over.

Anyway, one day he found out he had contracted venereal warts from one of his escapades. I think at this point I had already been fed up for a month or two, so we hadn't been having sex; thank God!

My response: I smiled and said, "don't worry honey, I'll drive you to the doctor". I think I smiled all the way there, through the appointment which was very painful, all the way home and for the next week as he suffered in misery. I went to the doctor myself and got checked out; I was fine. And after sticking around for about a week I left and have never looked back. He disgusted me. I'm really an empahetic person and maybe it sounds mean that I enjoyed it so much, but he put me through so much misery for years, that having the one week of watching him suffer as a result of his own actions was priceless.

I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying that you aren't alone. I've been there too.

[quote][/quote]go cheat only to come back crying saying it wasn't really cheating because we were broken up[quote]
Boy, does this line sound familiar! Where do they get that idea! What a bunch of morons!

The OP is in Mexico so he doesn't see her. Just recently I discovered that he has email and phoned contact with her (not sure to what exact degree).

He says she contacts him...

I told him that ALL contact must stop. He tells me not to focus on stuff I can't control and just work on making our relationship better.

LOL! I know! They are idiots! It's like thier brain was abducted by aliens!

Yeah - talk about instant karma! The crazy thing is that I told him when I found out about the affair (months ago) that just because he used a condom he could still catch stuff like herpes!

Isn't it weird how that works! I'll tell you though, my first husband and I divorced about 15 years ago; he still tries to get me back and has not been the tramp he previously was. But, I feel like I need to care for my health, because who knows what else he contracted that I could get. If you are considering taking him back, I'd be sure to get a full STD screening from him first like GloveOil said above.

I have that fear with my husband now. I love him still, but if he got a STD; geez I just don't know what I'd do.

This is your call entirely. IS the marriage worth saving in your estimation? What will your future sex life be like now that he has this disease? You need to consider this aspect, as well as his character.

Methinks he's lying about the condom....and lying about other stuff too.

So what have YOU done to end this affair? Have you exposed it to his family and her family?

I dunno... if my partner acquired an incurable sexually transmitted disease as the result of infidelity, I'd be hard-pressed to have any desire to stay in the marriage. There are consequences of her affair I can live with, but acquiring an incurable STD is not one of them.

I'm having a hard time not seeing OM as an STD.

Yeah, well I think it's justice that OW's irl initials are VD.

LMAO! That is too funny! VD? He should've known and you even called it!

Hi Catperson,

I exposed to his parents, who happened to be visiting relatives at the time, so both his immediate and extended family heard all about it. Boy was he mad at me for that!

I also shared with my parents & siblings.

I haven't disclosed the affair to all of our friends yet. Maybe I should...

Oh yeah! Especially HIS friends.

How long have you been M'd?

Any children involved?

We've been married 3 years - one child (boy, age 1.5 years). We co-habitated for 4 years before getting married so we've been together for 6 years.

I didn't know herpes was what they REALLY meant when they referred to the 'Seven Year Itch'!