It has been one year and six months since I found out that my beautiful DH had an A. The pain I experienced on that day in late June was the worse pain I have ever felt. I went a little nutty and at times my DH literally had to feed and clothe me in the aftermath of D-Day. We followed MB principles in rebuilding our M. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and at times I felt I had become bi-polar. I lost all respect for my DH after finding out. I thought he was the most honest and caring man I had ever met. We had been M for 16 yrs when I found out and I just wanted to lay down and die. For months I became a shell of a woman. An angry, confused, bitter woman who trusted and believed in no one. I remember looking at him after D-Day and being repulsed by lips that were once so beautiful to me thinking that he had put them on some wh*re.
Today I still love my DH more than anything. When he holds me at night I feel safe and warm and I love his touch. I hated the XOW for a long time and I have still moments where I think I would run her over with my SUV if I were to see her. Thank God I will probably never see her again because we left her in a foreign country where we were stationed. I am better today, our M is better (sometimes). I still think about the A every day and sometimes I need to talk about it. My DH has been so remorseful and loving and has helped me through my pain.
I still wonder if he thinks about her. He tells me no that he is repulsed by the person he was during the A and he is disgusted by her. I do believe him because I can see the passion in his eyes when he looks at me. I have started to gain trust for my DH and I am very glad I chose to stay M to him. I can't imagine spending my life without him. After D-Day, I packed my bags so many times and contemplated leaving but what made me stay is that I need him and love him more than anything and I know that he loves and needs me just the same.
It is our love that helped us make it through the trauma of his A and it is our love that will keep us together forever.
Last edited by cobol_girl; 12/23/09 04:06 PM.
