Scotland, I knew you knew the truth; you're one of the most amazing BS's I've seen here. But it always helps to have reinforcement of your position, you know? I was just trying to reinforce your choices, so you'd feel secure in your decisions, on the one day he'd try to push you the most.

Well, I called around to my family and the first one that called back I said "Hey we are coming for a visit." they said "Ok" and we went. Then I took the kids to McDonalds and we came home.

Since the answering machine was unplugged, no messages. I talked to my sister about actually feeling better this week than I did last week and she said that of course it does because I am not spending any time checking up on him. You know what, she is right. It frees up time in my day not checking up on him. I also have more energy to focus on what is really important.

I am feeling sad sometimes still but it isn't as bad as what I was feeling before.

There are even times when I think that maybe I won't want him back, but those are few and they scare me when I have them.

Just being honest about my feelings in case there are lurkers who are feeling some things I am.

Thanx again for your support everyone. Without you I wouldn't have made it.

I also would like to thank the people with whose opinions I may not agree with. Both sides need to be presented and I need the practice in not using LBs like AO, and DJ.

The first thing I think of is, you are teaching your children NOT to accept pain and suffering when you shouldn't have to. You are teaching them a good lesson by being proactive.

This is such an important lesson.

I also love the fact that Scotland gave her sons permission not to be nice to OW.

You're a great mom, Scotland! You really have your head on straight!

This has gotten to be a really long thread so I thought for some new watchers of my thread I will post some details about my sitch.

On September 20, 2009 (My 12th anniversary) my WH had a "TALK" with me where he gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. He then told me he had thought about leaving me. I reacted calmly(inside I was DYING) and just talked to my WH. He said that there was noone else and that even though he was going to leave me it didn't mean it was over. He informed me 2 weeks later that he would be moving in with his "friend(OW)" from work and stay in her extra bedroom.

When he was living there he wouldn't even think about dating. He wouldn't date ANYONE else until he knew for sure there was no chance for us.

Then this was HIS plan.

He would move out some time in February(no exact date). He would continue to put the pay cheques in the bank and only take out what was needed for basic living. He would come here when I had to work and watch our children for me while I took our truck and drove to work. When I came home from work, he would go home. This would have him coming to my house 3-4 times a week and staying in my house while I was at work. (Oh don't worry you'll LOVE this part.) As far as what I would do about grocery shopping. He would take me. Yep that's right. We would all go to the grocery store like a big happy family and shop together.

Now, what have I changed? I asked for NC. I want him to take the kids somewhere else and not come into my house. I asked him to leave a month and a half earlier than he intended. And Groceries, I will be getting them myself.

Scotland, here is a "fill in the blank" separation agreement you can use as a guide. You can add or take out anything you want.
http://www.candivorce.ca/download/separation.doc

Scotland, do you only have one car? What are you doing about that?

We do only have one car. He has taken it because he works in one city 20 minutes away from here and lives in another city 30 minutes away from here. I work in this city and the kids go to school a block away. We don't mind taking the bus(actually the kids LOVE it) and we can walk to most of my family's houses. All of their friends live close. The only thing is the IMs. They live closer to WH than me. But I do have a lot of people who are willing to drive us around places. We have always made due.

The truck is in WH name and we have 4 more years of payments (which he has agreed to make, and since the loan is in his name only that was fine with me).

It sucks not having a car but whenever WH was at work, we didn't have a car anyways. It makes it a little more difficult but I have a lot of support in that matter.

Yep very wise

Well, I am having a sad-ish day today. The kids are holding up well, I believe that is a testament to my efforts. DS9 did say it was like Daddy is on a vacation though and that makes me think he hasn't accepted it yet, but it is still new.

DS6 said to me "Mommy, I know what your wish is for Christmas. You wish Daddy would come home." I said "yes buddy I do." then he said "Me too." Breaks my heart.

I will be okay but I think it is just the withdrawals form WH not being here and the fact that Christmas is on FRIDAY. Well, I will keep on trucking and get through this just like everything else.

Tonight the kids will be sleeping over at my sister's house and i will come home to an empty house. That is what I think is bringing me so down today. I am sure it will be fine but the anticipation is so much more difficult.

Scotland,

I so admire you, you are a rock star! I know it must be hard, but hang in there. You're sons are very lucky they have you as a mom, when they are older they will look back and look up to you and how you have handled everything.

You are definitely having a life well lived, not just living life.

Have a happy and joyous holiday season.

Best,

BA

Bath-time Scotland!!
Don't forget the bubble, candles, and scents and a good book. And a space heater. You deserve it.
Feed your taker and take advantage of the peace and quite.
opt

lol, I just turned our air conditioner on. (I'm in Houston)

Is it ok if I hate you for this? I'm in Canada!

Sure, if it makes you feel better, tabby, lol.

But you have to promise to stop sending that arctic cold blast down here to Massachusetts.

opt

unfortunately no bath time for me. I was at work and it was CRAZY. I just got home and it is 330am. WH talked to kids tonight while they were at my sister's. They actually talked to him for 15 minutes which is better than they have yet.

I miss them a lot already but I am taking advantage of them not being here so I can wrap and hide the presents. I think I spent 40 dollars just on chocolates. DS6 asked Santa for 1 million chocolates. I didn't buy him nearly a million but probably close to 1000 of those stupid little balls. It is better than what he originally wanted, he wanted Santa to make all of his dolls and stuffed animals to come to life.

The kids are awesome and they keep me smiling. I borrowed a book from my friend on creating a great family. Even if WH doesn't come home I want us to be the best family ever(by US I mean the kids and I).

I am bracing for Xmas day and WH knocking on the door. If it is anything like the rest of the stuff I have braced for it should go fine. I am NOT leaving my house that day just to avoid him. If he knows that we are home I don't care. He made his choice when he walked out the door(he actually made the choice the day he started sleeping with OW but that's another thing). WH decided to give up his family moments.

Sorry just had to vent a bit. I am securely in the ANGER stage of grief I think hehehehe.

I'll do what I can, but my part of Canada generally ships this stuff directly to Buffalo. Perhaps they are passing on their leftovers to you.

Hang in there Scotland. Christmas will be fine. Your kids will love the chocolates (who doesn't?). Is anybody else coming that day?

Scotland, have you prepared your kids for the possibility of him knocking on the door? I can't imagine a worse scenario than him pounding on the door, and them crying and begging you to let him in.

I really hope you will warn them of WHY you will not be able to do so. Tell them that it is a PLAN to get him back permanently, so you know it will be a little painful tomorrow, but you are counting on them to help YOU help HIM.