Keep that documentation to yourself for now. I would not even tell DD- addicts can spin as bad as WS.

I can not imagine what you are going through. Your DD needs to wake up. OMG! she still may be preg and Dr's are giving her all these meds?

I say go for it. You never know who can turn into a good friend.

So sorry you are having to go through all of this.

Having dealt with addicts a lot in my life, I think taking pictures was a good idea.

Hang in there. ChaiBaby will do just fine. He has YOU watching out for him. It is tiring and stressful, but will be worth it in the end. I promise you that.

Just read the rest of your thread. OMG Chai, you need to cut your DD loose completely. Dark, dark, dark. She has your number (she thinks) and it's time to show her your number has changed. Poor ChaiBaby... at least he has a loving grandmother! I wish there was something I could personally do for you but the only person that can change things for you (now) is you. KWIM?

Love you Chai. 2010 is going to rock for you, I just know it.

CL,

On behalf of Chaibaby....I THANK YOU!

...and for your own well-being, CL, a dark dark plan B for both xWS and DD!

Chai,

You will find that your life with have much less DRAMA when you detach from DD and go DARK. You can then focus on what you will do about Chaibaby. Follow the rules and stick to your guns. It's not easy, but let that guilt go. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If you had given your DD drugs and opened that gateway for her, THEN I'd say you were culpable, but that's not what happened. She made a choice, a very destructive choice, and you have to gain the strength to allow her to live the consequences, otherwise, she will never heal.

when/if DD gets her head on straight and SHOWS you that she can take care of herself, then you can slowly open the door to her again. Do not sacrifice yourself for her, Chai. She is grown now; you have equipped her with what she needs to live a grown up life. It's now up to her.

Love you, take care. Hope to see you the weekend.

Chai,

Well, well, haven't you been through it these last few days. Yet, I can HEAR the strength in you, despite your feeling of losing steam. You are SO very strong.

Not much need for me to confirm what you and everyone here knows and has said in regards to DD. The only way to save her is to cut her loose, as SHE is the only one that can save herself. And obviously, that is the only safe option for Chai Baby.

Enough said about that.

So, you saw a movie? Good! When you didn't think it possible to LAUGH, you did. See, you are better off than you imagined, aren't you?

Get ready for that trip. Leave the drama behind. Enjoy every moment. Concentrate on the the "R"s while you are gone. Rest. Relax. Recharge.

Have fun!!

The vile voice mails and text messsages finally stopped last night at about 11:00pm. Not sure where she ended up. Maybe she went back to the half way house, I don't know.

Yes, you all are right. I guess Plan B works for any sort of addiction and that is what I have to do right now to protect myself. It's very sad. I know that they don't want to be that way, but I guess the pull is so strong. I don't understand it at all because I've never had the problem with any sort of addiction.

Anyway, I have given the last year of my life to all of it and now am finding myself sinking so it's time to grab the life boat for me.

The last couple of days at the store have been really good. Everytime I get my brain wrapped around the fact that I will be shutting down, sales increase just enough to keep me floating for a while longer. Is this a sign? D@mned if I know. It has happened since I had that really bad month in May. In July I was ready to bag it, then sales went up. Then down again in Sept, up in Oct. Down in Nov and most of Dec, now there is a spike. I'm thankful for the spike because I still have not found a job. I will be able to pay myself a little extra this week. Yeah!!! Just in time for my road trip.

I am leaving tomorrow, so I will keep you all posted on my progress. I am going to be logging a lot of miles, but more importantly my goal is to log "attitude" miles. My plan is to come back with my Vision Board complete and ready to start 2010 a new and recovered me.

The movie last night was a good thing for me to see. It reinforced the fact that waywards crash into reality eventually. They do. And most of the time it is too late.

OK, so off tomorrow to Charleston, WV. The first leg of the trip. Spending two nights with an old friend and co-worker who is now a college prof. She just got a litter of standard poodle pups, so I will be walking into a bunch of puppy poopy.
They are ready to go now, so if anyone wants a puppy let me know.

Then on to Charlotte......

Bugsy,

Good to see you. Looks like we were cross-posting!!

I hope all is well. Give us an update....

Chai, remind me: what kind of store do you have?

Cat,

It's a retail store and without giving too much away I sell fibers for crafts.

I LOVE YOU....

Love you too Queenie.

I just spoke with the case worker. Seems XWH gave her a hard time yesterday. He was at the hospital with DD (he didn't know it but this was her 3rd hospital in the same day). Case worker told him this, but don't think he believed it. Anyway, I am going to let him take over from here. Once he gets pulled into the drama, maybe he'll see what I went through and quit taking pot shots at me.

He told the case worker that he refuses do fingerprints etc to see his own grandchild. His options are to let me bring chaibaby to a public place, which he won't do because he doesn't want to have to look at me, or he can go to the other grandparent's house to visit. He didn't like either option. Case worker thinks he's an arsey. Much as he likes to think he can, he can't boss the state around. He was blaming me until she set him straight.

Guess he won't be seeing chaibaby....

DD got kicked out of the program and now the state is filing for custody anyway. The other grandpa said that he would file, so at least chaibaby won't have to go to foster care. This is a permanent thing though, so I hope that they always let me see him.

Very sad. DD just lost that precious little guy.

Have you spoken to the other grandpa?

What is he like?

Hopefully he is like MY grandfather. My grandfather before he passed was a hard- @$$ who would not see me living with my mother because she was...she didn't have the problems your DD had but she was a very bad mother.

But he sounds like a good enough guy if he is filing. Maybe give him a call?

Oh, Chai, that is so sad.

Chai&Chaibaby

All you can do is the best you can do. And you have done that in spades.

I don't have any advise, just know that many of us are so proud of you.

Fox

Yes Karma, I speak to them often. The other grandpa loves that baby. Even though at first they weren't 100% sure that Chaibaby was their son's child, he still called me almost everyday to see how he was doing. XWH NEVER EVER called or inquired as to how chaibaby was doing.

Everybody is now convinced since chaibaby looks exactly like his dad when his dad was a baby. Chaibaby looks like their family so there is no question at this point.

The only issue that I have with the other grandpa is that he drinks too much, and even though both kids have addiction issues, the family is extremely close. In fact, the parents are divorced but live together so that they can care for their daughter's baby too. Actually they have all had issues at some point. It's a weird set-up, but you can't help but like them.

DD and I went down for Xmas Eve, and the house was beautifully decorated, the table was set and looked like something out of a Pottery Barn ad (which is his favorite store btw) and the food was outstanding. He used to own restaurants and is a good cook. We had a prime rib, twice baked potatoes, beets, salad, glazed carrots, sauteed green beans, cranberry salad, different breads, and 3 desserts. They are very gracious.

So I feel like chaibaby is better off there. He has his cousin (she is 2), and there are always people around. With me he had just me.

It sounds good, but see if you can get some visits in too.

And it's good that he has someone (near) his own age to play with when he is big enough to.

CL,

Get LEGAL visitation with chaibaby. I would never rely on the kindness of others if it came down to not seeing my granchild.

Thanks FF. I didn't even think of that. I will definitely call CPS tomorrow and ask what steps I need to take.

Hope you can get legal visitation. Some states don't allow it for grandparents.

In the case of my grandson, I DO have visitation, but only at the pleasure of his parents.

His mother, and sisters and brothers don't. They have not seen him since he was taken away in 2001.

But I do know that he is in a loving home, safe from abuse and drugs. That is all I care about.