It's that little flitter in your stomach that races to your heart and proceeds to crush it.

I remember.

Thank GOD that's over.

This is why I'm still around. I wanna help others who suddenly "know". You too, I suspect.

You're an angel in disguise around here, along with several others who will remain nameless for now, lest I leave someone out.

(((Pep)))

That is a HEROES story.

Ah, Christmas 1995. My first XW decided that she would not attend Christmas at her sister, with her entire family, as she "wanted to go to a local mission for the homeless to help feed the homeless". She had never done anything like this in the past.
I took my two young sons to the festivities and her entire family was aghast that she was absent. My boys were the only ones there without their mom. All the other cousins and aunts and uncles were there.
Of course, she did not go to homeless shelter, instead meeting one of her OM. She showed up in the wee morning hours drunk, as ususal.
Shortly after this, she had to fly to Chicago to visit museums. She shared a hotel room with one of the guys she met in AA.
My dad had just died. So, as a present to me, when she came home, she began pressuring me to move out and find my own place. She was a true pillar of strength for me in my grief.

Thanks for sharing that Pep.

When you read back through those dark days, does it no longer cause the wretching pain?

I'm so not there.

You rock Pep! You had MB instincts before you ever knew anything about MB!!! We are lucky to have you around here sharing your wisdom....

Mindshare

UGH! Christmas. It was Christmas Day 2006. XWH was taking too many trips to the local convenience store for coffee. He left after Christmas dinner for yet more coffee (didn't like mine) and the phone rang. Caller ID said nothing more than "city,state" (the city and state where he was on temporary assignment). I answered "hello"....."hello"...CLICK.

Then "I knew" too.

Christmas will never have the same meaning for me. Looking back, I wish I would have done what you did Pep and just tell him to get out. Instead I did too much Plan A and went through too many false recoveries. A year of h3ll for sure.

{{{{{{Chai}}}}}

Ah, Christmas 2001. H was so distant; everything was wrong; I was so unhappy. I'd given up my high-paid job in an effort to give more time to the marriage, but I knew it wasn't changing anything. On Boxing Day, I blurted out 'Is there someone else?' He said nothing, just stared at me. I said 'This training course in New York you're going to, is it really a course?' He said,'Don't you trust me?'. I was ashamed of myself for accusing him. Thought it was something wrong with me.


That same Boxing Day, he emailed OW to say 'TA is being a b*tch. Can I come to yours next Christmas?'

Of course, the trip to New York was really a holiday with OW.

I found this all out on July 28th 2002, when he finally came clean. He made me feel like I was an insecure witch for seven months after I asked him for the truth.

The selfishness of infidelity is unspeakable.

TA

No pain.
It took at least 5 years before I could say "none".

That's good to know, Pep. Thanks.

I just came across this in a stack of my papers. It's from Apri, 1994. It's called, "And God Said, 'NO'"

:MerryChristmas:

Thank you Pep for this.....it is a gentle reminder to all of the pain you have walked through in order to pass on your wisdom to us....

:MerryChristmas:

not2fun

7 YEARS for me. XWH slept with my young cousin and proceeded to deny it for 7 years. If not for the keylogger I installed (at the urging of MB people) I would still be wondering and he would still be calling me crazy for wondering. I hate liars.

Yes.
The lies are the real poison arrows.

Thank you, Pep, for sharing your experience.

Yes, yes, I tell my son that the main reason I divorced his father is because he lied and continued to lie, that omission of the truth is a lie. I don't budge on this one. I will not tolerate lying from my son. He's got to have an example to follow. That has to be me. Honesty may temporarily hurt, but lying leaves marks on us forever.

It really is a form of PTSD, isn't it? It took me 5 years too to get over my first PTSD, and I guess this is my 2nd one now. Time really does heal all wounds, as long as you let it.

:HappyHolidays: to everyone!

Christmas 2009.....the most awful Christmas ever experienced in my life. Feels like just another day. The magic is not here; everything is very hohum and "fake". Here's hoping this is the bottom and there are many, many bright Christmases in my ("our") future.

Cheers! :wavingsanta:

Migsamac, some days are all about survival...just surviving the day.

{{{{{Migsamac}}}}}