Chai:

Have you read When bad things happen to good people?
Rabbi Krushner tells it like it is.

He lost his own son after years of battle to a terrible disease that they knew was going to kill him anyway. He has had to deal with the fact, face on, on how normal everyday people can handle enourmous ammounts of emotional and personal pain.

and he does not look down his nose at people who feel they can not handle everything. It is not a "'cmon and blow sunshine beams out your fanny" type of book, but it leaves you feeling somehow, at peace.

The book is a quick read, it has sold millions and Rabbi's points are wonderful and healing.

Have fun on your trip. I am so happy that Chai baby's GP's are willing to have him.

Thanks Believer. I am always relieved when you post to me. Our ages and situations are so similar and you always have great words of wisdom having travelled the path directly ahead of me.

Barbiecat, I haven't read that book but I have heard of it. I will get a copy as soon as I can. Sounds like it could be a good read for me.

As I mentioned before, I am pretty sure that XWH got married this past weekend. It looks as though he and Miss Mullet came back to town to close down his apt. here. I assume that he will move to her state now. Anyway, DD said that Miss Mullet called her to tell her that XWH became very ill while out shopping and was taken to the hospital with a possible heart attack. DD is very upset and feels that I should do something, but I am his XW now. His new W needs to deal with it. I am sorry that it happened to him, but I am out of the picture now.

I wonder if the stress of the A and D is causing his health problems. He was never sick in all of the years that we were M, and now this is his second attack in 18 months.

I wonder if she will take care of him after she drains him of all his money. Maybe she will. He always told me that she was so much more affectionate than I am and is the nurturing type. May be, but with a gambling problem and a couple of bankruptcies due to it, I have my own ideas about how this will end. Very sad. Looks like the fantasy will start to come to an end at this point.

DD has been kicked out of rehab, and now the BF has relapsed too. D@mn, he was doing so good. It must have been something about the holidays that caused them both to go down again. Sad thing is, the BF will probably end up in prison now. DD has been leaving messages for me all day begging me to take custody of chaibaby. Realistically, I just can't do it in my situation though.

So I am in Charleston today visiting a long time friend who I've worked with at 3 different companies. She is now a college prof.

We are getting ready to go out for Chinese food. I was looking for a Starbucks here so fired up my Starbucks app on my iphone, and guess what? - there are only 2 Starbucks here, and one is in the hospital. She told me it was a little backwards here, but only 2 Starbucks????? As you can guess, we didn't go to Nordstrom either....

Take care, CL. And he getting married? -- looks like God intervened with a health crisis. Guess it's not meant to be.

Both my WH and Hope's are in Vegas. I'm thinking of calling Hope's WH and asking why he isn't meeting me at the bar yet. That'll throw a damper in he and PP's trip. Yep -- I'm gonna do it!!

And my worthless WH? -- DS was in a traffic accident Monday night. DS's OK but his vehicle was damaged. I called FIL to go with me to the scene and texted WH about it. The next day he inquired if DS was OK -- I text "yes" and then inquired about the vehicle and I text "damaged." That's it. That's the genuine concern of an AMAZING FATHER.

WTF is wrong with these waywards? Priority is obviously Vegas and sin and not kids and responsibilities. And we're left -- as usual -- holding down the fort.

CL -- I know this pales in comparision to what you are going through. Log in those miles of fun and mental well-being and concern for YOU. A recharged YOU will go a long way in 2010. Keep us posted.

I know it's hard to hear, but prison is probably the best place for BF to sober up. He has to stay sober there, and every month he spends there gives him another month of sobriety under his belt. Six months in jail turned out to be what sobered up my xWH.

Any chance of putting Chaibaby up for adoption... a semi-open one where you could stay in touch and be a grandma... and not have to be a mom?

Chai,

Have you inquired with the case worker about possible fostership of grandchai?

In the state where I live they have a distinct preference to place foster children in SAFE relatives family homes. And they will help financilly and daycare / healthcare resources.

Just a thought.

My wife and I have done foster parenting for the state we live in.

God Bless

Neese, my Dd will not even consider adoption. We have tried to convince them that it would be better for chaibaby, but she and the BF will absolutely not consider it.

walking, I have not asked that question. The state gives the other grandparents a very small amount ($300+0 per month to care for him. It isn't much.

I am not sure what will happen at this point. The BF is gone, nowhere to be found, and DD is now back with the old guy she lived with before.

According to DD, XWH is still in the hospital with another heart attack and she thinks he has to quit work now. I really don't know the full truth, but the old guy that she lives with knows XWH and he did verify that he had the attack, so that much is true.

My trip was good. Smartie and I had a great time on New Years and I spent the last couple of days in DC with old friends that XWH and I met in Europe 35 years ago when we were in the Air Force. They are very upset with XWH and just don't understand his choices. Welcome to the club....

So I am back and ready to move into 2010 with a focus on me. I have to let go of the old marriage and XWH and make my way forward now. My "replacement" will have to take over. I'm not sure she got what she bargained for.

Looks like karma's catching up to him and kicking his @$$.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round...

((((Chai))))),

You sound wonderful and beautiful as always.....I love that about you...(Miss Mullet???... )....

I'm sorry to hear about DD though. It must be hard as a mother to watch this.

loves ya muches.....not2fun

Chai, have not been on the board for a few weeks but it was good we kept in contact in between.

One day at a time, breathe, one step at a time. Find another Alanon meeting (without a stalker) and keep it up. I find peace when I attend them.

As for Ms. Mullet -- my feelings she is still a black widow. just my 2 cents.

{{{{{{{CHAI}}}}}}}

I havent been on the boards for over a week and you just keep goin thru soooo much. I am so sorry. I am just praying for God to give you strength to do the things you need to do. And so far everyone is giving you great advice, I agree with everyone on everything (and there is so much goin on, Jeesh). You need a break, baby, Plan b with both WH and DD will help you have that break, guilt free, Chai, guilt free.

I watched this movie last nite called Dear Zachery...it was gut wrenching, a must see. Sad, but helps you see that good people go thru tremendous tragedy and somehow make it through. Long story short a women kill this couples 30 YO son and she was pregnant with his child, then she ended up killing herself and the grandchild of this couple. The couple only had the one son and one granchild (that was the spitting image of their dead son).

OMG, there is a lot more to it. The movie was made by the dead sons childhood friend. It is just a must see to make you realize that there are still people than have it harder than you(and goodness, you have had it hard, Chai) and make it somehow.

Love you, Chai...you are doin spectacular, keep your chin up, K?

Hey Not, thanks for stopping by and giving support.

Hope and Still, same to both of you!!! We are all in the same boat here and we will not go down!!

And yes, Plan B with both DD and XWH is in effect. DD has already tried to draw me into her drama and I just won't answer the phone. She got beat up and called the police on someone blah blah blah. The police hear her name and roll their eyes. I can't even begin to count how many times she haas gotten "beat up" in the last 5 years.

I spoke with the CPS case worker this morning. She said that all of the area hospitals have been put on alert not to treat DD. Guess she is going to have to go to another state. It is amazing how quickly one's life goes down the tubes when they start using again. It is almost immediate.

Anyway, I told the case worker that with my situation I cannot take custody of chaibaby. I am trying to keep the business going until I get a job, and it is too difficult alone at my age. She agreed. The other grandparents don't want to do it, but they are going to file for custody. It's just a no win situation.

I am a survivor and will be OK. I am now focused on me because if I don't do that I will go down too.

The last thing to be done is that I have to sign the order to move funds to XWH. I will do that today and as far as I am concerned, he is gone. He will have to live with the choice that he made. I guess it is good that legally, I am not connected to him anymore. I think his life is about to become a little unpleasant and much more difficult than it would have been with me.

Here's to a better 2010!!!!

Hi Chai,

Keep yourself protected in Plan B. when an addict starts to use again they go to the same level where they left off so the addiction starts off intense. Maybe with D you can do a NC letter such as MB suggests. Saying that you will have NC till she goes into treatment and set boundaries. Will keep the drama down.

I know this is cynical but I would drag my feet on moving funds over to XH. Is he still in the hospital and if so how is he doing? I would not give mullet head a chance to dip into those funds while he is out of commission.

Don't trust her. Rent Arsenic and Old Lace. She could star in it. Just a thought.

I will drag my feet on it as much as I can Hope. My thought was to just get it over, but you may be right.

I actually agree with Hope on this. If you don't have to transfer the money yet, DON'T.....

((Chai)))
Your story is both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time.
It also serves as a cautionary tale to both waywards and addicts.
I'm sorry your daughter is in so much pain (mentally) that she needs to take drugs during her pregnancy. Can't she be incarcerated for the safety of the child? What about a mental health inpatient kind of thing?
As far as POS WxH goes, fuggetabouthim!! You're right--let his new wife deal with all of this. It's time for you to take care of yourself and do whatever you can for the chai baby and soon-to-be chai baby II.
Your daughter has my sympathy, but she's a grown woman and she's endangering her child and her soon-to-be child. She needs the state to permanently step in.
You are doing so well, though, based on your posts. I hope the business keeps up, at least for long enough to find other employment. I'm not even a crafty person, but I'd shop there, just to help you out!!

Ima,

Thanks for your kind words. I am by nature a survivor and a fighter, so while I might let DD and XWH go, I will still fight for me and little chaibaby.

A guy who my DD used to do drugs with called me on Sunday to ask about DD. He said that she called him and asked for a ride, but she sounded high. He has been clean and doing well for 18 months and did not want to get near her if she was using again. I told him to stay away, that it was exactly what she was doing. He said that he just couldn't be around anyone who was using anything. He agreed that when someone starts using again, their life deteriorates almost immediately. He has been there.


So yes, this is very true.

Not sure if the state can do anything about DD except take the baby at birth. It's sad that she doesn't seem to care about the baby, but since chaibaby appears to be so normal, she doesn't believe that the drugs are a problem. Justification.


That's exactly what I intend to do. And, she has now experienced the wrath of DD. Sounds like the two of them got into it while I was gone.

At this point, I consider myself lucky that the legal part of this is over. XWH is going headlong into a buzz saw, and I am now not liable for anything that he does. Miss Mullet will have her hands full. We'll see if she sticks around. She will at least long enough to drain him of any money that he has.

Business has been OK, but not anything near last year. Hanging on until I can get a job.
I had an email from the company where I had the really bad interview. The recruiter wants to give me a status. I am expecting a rejection, so when I talk with her tomorrow morning I will find out. Geesh, I wonder how many rejections I have to go through before I get a YES. If only we knew......

I never did understand why men would pick unattractive gold-diggers, like Miss (Mrs.?) Mullet.

Honestly, if I was a man and you were marrying me for my money you would HAVE to be gorgeous.

Yes, you are a surviver. And we are all proud of you. You are headed in the right direction... up. And the rest of them are headed.. well...down. And the weird thing is they still don't get it. That YOU were the glue that held this family together. YOU. And when they tear you apart, toss you aside, take your money -- their world falls apart.

So much for appreciation. And you are not gloating about the messes made by WH or DD or those associated with them. You are sober. Maybe that's the key. Staying sober and watching the rest of them fall apart.

And as much as you tried, you can't push sobriety on any of them.

So here's to staying sober and surviving.

Hi Chai (JT waving from the very wet, but mild PNW)


This is absolutely true! You are so much more of a survivor than you even know. 2010 holds wonderful things for you I'm sure.

I hope that one day you take a vacation out our way.

Love ya'