hi im really new to this just discovered mb forum today h had ea with ow from work due to current jobs crisis he still there but is lookin for something else we are awaiting mc where hopefully we should be able to talk all about it but while waiting for that i keep asking what h and ow talked about laughed about h says he cant remember but i feel i need to know is this normal?

Perfectly normal. The level of detail we need varies between individuals. It is also normal for your husband to say that he can't remember. He can and is just protecting either you or him.
I suggest writing down your questions as you think of them and then setting aside a time where he agrees to answer your questions honestly.
Read all the material here, order the books and make sure your MC is familiar with the concepts. If they are not, please consider counselling with the Harleys.

Good luck

thanks for that i do know it but sometimes need others to say it would love to have mc with the harleys but i in the uk lol

apartbutnotover,
Your screen name is interesting. Do you feel that it is not over because they still work together or because they are still friends? The current economy does often make switching jobs very difficult; however, you must be assured that your H is taking EPs (extraordinary precautions) to protect himself and you from further association with the OW. He should be willing to share those measures with you to give you some peace.

How long ago did you discover the EA? You appear to be a BS who needs details, as I did. When the MB posters here tell you that he remembers what they talked about, believe them because they truly do know. We have all been on the end of the "I don't remember" line.

What a BS learns about the affair lingers a long time, but I think unanswered questions can hold on in the BS's mind forever. As both our private mc and Dr. Harley have advised, transparency about the past is the only way to recover.

Goldenyears

Just so you know, being in the UK does not prevent you from calling the Harleys. You just have to pay for the call in addition to the session and the times are a little different. I have done it.

TM

sorry for confusion screen name is because we agreed for h to move to his dads for while but we are not over regards to ow i think they still friends i found out about ea in oct 09 was in shock but thought we get through it then i needed time to heal so he moved out see him lots though waitin for mc to move forward

What has he done to protect from furthering the EA?

Has he given you all his passwords? Do you have a keylogger installed on his computer? Do you check the phone records daily? Has he written her a No Contact letter (that YOU send her)?

You should ask the Harley's about using Skype so you wouldn't have to pay the long distance charges.

Ditto what catperson said above.

((((apartbutnotover))))

If you want to save your marriage, I'd suggest that you get your WH to move back home. You think they are still "friends", so his living away from you just gives him more freedom to carry on with her.

Get your WH back home ASAP and do Plan A. Read up on the principles here, buy "Surviving An Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs". There is a post somewhere on this site about the Carrot and the Stick of Plan A. You need to let your WH know that his continued contact with OW is very painful for you, and a job change is essential for your marriage.

Another thing...and the most important! Have you exposed his affair to family, friends, his employer, the OW's family and friends? This needs to be done ASAP. Do NOT warn your WH or the OW that you are going to expose. You simply make your list of people to whom you plan to expose, sit down and do it all in one day and at one fell swoop.

Also, do not tell your WH about this website until you are sure you are in recovery. This website will be YOUR support, and people here will help you. However, if he is reading here, he will learn all your affair-busting plans.

abno,
You are in a much worse situation than your first post on this thread indicated. Living apart--still friends!!! I would be very surprised if this affair had not gone way beyond emotional. DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS ABOUT HAVING ENDED THE AFFAIR UNTIL HE IS HOME WHERE HE SHOULD BE. Waywards lie, and most of them will lie until the truth is dragged out of them. Get him home right away and get to the truth.

He can never e friends with her again. And he needs to step up the job search. The others are right about exposure too. It will keep him more accountable.

My H also wanted details about my A. It was hard to give them, but he deserved them, as do you. We finally agreed that I would write down everything he needed to know, he would read it, and we would talk about it as muchas he needed to. Once it was talke out, he threw the paper away so he wouldn't dweel on it endlessly. It helpedkeep the conversation focused.

I also agree with him oving back in. He does't need "free time" as long as he is anywhere near the OW. And if you can swing it,try to counsel with the Harleys. When I win the lottery the first thing I am doing is schedulig an MB weekend!

i understand what your all sayin about gettin him home but he was at home for about 3 weeks after i found out and it was too hard he was not really sorry for it he said sorry but didnt really seem to care about my feelins we were havin hard time before that lack of affection,conversation etc.... and i was tryin to say i was not goin to put up with this behaviour and our relationship really needed to become more equal and he didnt get it untill he moved out because i beleive he thought i would sort it all out because in the past he creates a mess and i used to fix it this time however its got to be both i think he realises this now.. i just ordered his needs her needs should get it in a couple of days