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I would consider it a betrayal of trust, infidelity in other words, to secretly conduct an e-mail exchange with an old lover, never mind continuing to e-mail after the guy was clearly sending out feelers. I agree with most of this. It could be defined as "infidelity" in the strictest sense of the word if you define infidelity as "disloyalty." I don't disagree it was a betrayal. I couldn't stay away after reading this gem. You do understand, don't you Mel, that MrsOttert DOES disagree it was a betrayal? Nevermind "affair", "infidelity" or whatever descriptor you say doesn't apply. I have conceded multiple times here and to MrsOttert that what she did was not an "affair" in the strictest definition, so you can drop that canard. She will not even cop to the concept that she betrayed my trust. She has SCREAMED that she did not betray me in any way. As recently as October, in Steve Harley's presence in Minneapolis, when Steve asked her, "Do you understand why (ottert) feels you betrayed him?", MrsOttert said "No, I don't." Love ya man! Your choices for 2010........ File for divorce! Let go of your resentment! Continue to kick the dead horse! Marriage build!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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As recently as October, in Steve Harley's presence in Minneapolis, when Steve asked her, "Do you understand why (ottert) feels you betrayed him?", MrsOttert said "No, I don't." So what?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just don't understand folks that don't apologize for their wrongs. I think they are cowards. In the worst possible way.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Love ya man!
Your choices for 2010........
File for divorce!
Let go of your resentment!
Continue to kick the dead horse!
Marriage build! Amen!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I dont see how recovery could ever happen if a spouse who has any kind of affair...is not remorseful. If a spouse is remorseful,,,then they are SORRY and they APOLOGISE.
If they do not care enough for thier husband or wife to be sorry or say they are sorry then they should be served divorce paperwork. Perhaps in Otterts case, the wife feels she "has enough over Ottert" that he will not dare to divorce her. Maybe he feels if he pushes the issue, she will withhold sex and other things for the remainder of thier marriage.
I know that some women are hostile, very hostile, and refuse to give in or GIVE ANYTHING in the marriage that they do not want to give. I am sure part of her resentment has to do with her wishing she could have married that other man.
Then she has to twist this and blame Ottert in her mind.
It is so sad to me that people who marry and are supposed to be loving to each other....are acting that way.
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Ottert cannot push the truth in his marriage because the wife will then torture him by silence, lack of sex, and other things until he cannot stand it anymore. It all has to do with the power balance in the marriage. She has a lot of power over him due to her STRONG inner hostility. Of course this is just my own opinion.
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As recently as October, in Steve Harley's presence in Minneapolis, when Steve asked her, "Do you understand why (ottert) feels you betrayed him?", MrsOttert said "No, I don't." So what? Well, that is f'd up, that's what.
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Love ya man!
Your choices for 2010........
File for divorce!
Let go of your resentment!
Continue to kick the dead horse!
Marriage build! Amen! He could choose a combo platter. File for divorce with let go of resentment on the side.
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Some spouses play that "power balance" thing in thier marriage...for all it's worth. You can almost draw a diagram of the power in the marriage and who HAS it and what areas they have it in and how they wield it over the other spouse and in what ways. And what makes that power balance TEETER.
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Brrrring! Ottert confronts the wife
BRIINNGGGGG! THE WIFE IGNORES HIM AND IS HOSTILE TOWARD HIM AND BANGS STUFF AROUND IN THE HOUSE AND HAS A TERRIBLE GLARING FACIAL EXPRESSION TOWARD HIM BUT IS NICE TO EVERYONE ELSE FOR THREE TO SIX MONTHS.
Guess who wields the most power in thier marriage????
(It is usually the case that the more aggressive angry, or hostile partner has the most power in a relationship)
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sorry no torture today
Last edited by Bubbles4U; 12/30/09 07:11 PM.
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[sorry again
Last edited by Bubbles4U; 12/30/09 07:11 PM.
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who has the hawg tyin rope? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Love ya man!
Your choices for 2010........
File for divorce!
Let go of your resentment!
Continue to kick the dead horse!
Marriage build! I hope you really mean that, tst, 'cause I love you too, man. No kidding, at least as much as you can love a cyber personality. You've smacked me around some but you and smb have been encouragers to me. Yeah, I've done/thought about doing all the above, sometimes all in the same day. I'm probably just going through a rough patch with our D-day (not a "real" one like all of you "real" BSs had, of course, but that's what I call it) anniversary on Dec. 17 and the memories of the hell that ensued in the following days, weeks and months. I hate this time of year now. I really do think I'm marriage building. We're planning 15-25 hours of UA each week, and hitting about 15 most of the time. We've had some good days, even good weeks. I don't make selfish demands, angry outbursts (can't remember the last true outburst), or disrespectful judgments. It's up and down. MrsOttert goes through her moods when she's loving and trying to act like she cares. Most of the time it's cold as ice for the slightest of reasons. Kim tell us every week to expect ups and downs, that it's a long process. Is this all on me or does MrsOttert have a part, too? Just wondering.
Me - 45
Her - 47
Married - 23 yrs
4 chillun: D18,D14,S12,D9
Separated since March, 2010
Divorce proceeding
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"UNADULTERATED" TORTURE!!!!!! What the....?
Me - 45
Her - 47
Married - 23 yrs
4 chillun: D18,D14,S12,D9
Separated since March, 2010
Divorce proceeding
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who has the hawg tyin rope? That'd be Boss Hawg(Mr Boss Hawg, to Texans).
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"UNADULTERATED" TORTURE!!!!!! Torture? I'm in. Who brings the whips?
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sorry
Last edited by Bubbles4U; 12/30/09 07:12 PM.
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I am ready with whips and clubs. 
Last edited by Bubbles4U; 12/30/09 06:37 PM.
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I must have been bad, the mods only gave me those two smileys to use. NO clubs or anything. No brick wall icon.
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