ive been watching on here for advice,til now . ( WELL THIS IS A VERY ABBV VERSION ,SO BARE WITH ME) wife had an A 2 yrs ago with coworker i know him and he's been to my house for supper with my family( he got fired before D-day) after dday i got the same old line ( he's my soulmate we think alike yada,yada,yada)well i was pretty much devastated the i got kids involved she was pe-ed about that too g12,g16,b19. big drama it pretty much tore my heart out, at that time i begged her to try again so we went to counciling couple times she said it was a waste of time,so i talked her into a vacation together and after that for a 6 months things seem to be better good. at the time her father was fighting lukema but getting sicker in november of 2008 he died.in that spring i dont recall how i found out about the A.never really ended she told the kids this time and that she was leaving to be with om she packed some of her stuff left the next morning,and then for the next 2 days she stop by to see the kids make supper.well the third night i was out in the yard and i see her car pull into the garage her and OM big fight about she can't stand to be away from kids so she comes home says this is where she belongs so things are good for awhile again ( in the mean time OM man stocking her sending threating messages following her to work - she worked nights I drove her to work switched cars with her sister i even chased him down once she didn't want to get the police involed with any of it it seemed she wanted to try and work on the M we even took a cruise last winter well the other day i looked on her phone and there was a couple i love you messages on there from him to her and her to him i knew something was up before hand she was getting more distant and a few months ago she told me ,when we where having a down spot in the M.that she told me she was here to just rise the kids .well tonight i get a call from OMs friend telling me the A'S going on yet so i confront her about it she admit it but thats it's not an A that just been chatting with him.ya right,now where to go from here? i'm kinda against the wall on other fronts too I'm on the cusp losing my job to down sizing do to recession and she carries the benefits.I had to take a demotion and cut in pay which are going to make things tough around here also next stop will be lay off M-24 3kids

Sorry you have been put through this.
Look, you've caught her any number of times now, right. SHe just keeps on cheating and lying.
What kind of life can you have with someone like this? Do you want to have to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life?
I think the folks that are repeat offenders are fundamentally different than the one time cheaters. I am not sure she is fixable.
Why not talk to a lawyer or two? You sound like a decent guy, hardworking etc. The kids will be grown soon and you will be free to enjoy life and , possibly a new relationship, if you so desire.
Frankly, I think you could do much better than your WW.

I am so sorry for you. I agree with the above poster. She is a serial cheater who continually cheats on you and puts your health at risk for STD's. It seems like there has never been any consequences whatsoever to her behavior. In fact, you take her on vacations after she cheats on you. It seem she is being rewarded for cheating on you. You need to see a lawyer to see your options. Good luck.

ya i know.she says she doens't want do anything til the kids are rised,and out of the house.my life sure feels like its in a real tailspin right now on the professional side and personal

Sorry you are here...
The problem is WW keeps getting away with it - waffling between you and OM. She's a cakeater. When there's problem in your M she runs to OM. When she has problems with OM she runs to you. You need a solid plan to follow. Right now you have not direction, no compass. Read up on Plan A/B.

Gg

thanks for your thoughts,and good lucks well ive been talking with sister inlaw shes been helpful over the past couple of years. financially right now i cant do much maybe in the spring ,I'll have a better view of my options. i did contribute to a lot of problems to the marriage.i always had a slight pessimistic view on life and things in general,not overly but i was one to see the glass half empty not half full .well to make things worse
in 2004 both my parent died 4 month apart my mom suffered with alzheimers for years my dad was not in good health either hypertension bad kidneys well he broke his hip at home and end up in the nursing home ,before this point we(3 of us siblings) where fighting him in court over mom to keep her in the nursing home( it got so bad that he would call me almost everyday to come find her she would wander off continually and she also became violent with him ) to say the least we didn't end things on good terms with my father he died of pneumonia in august and my mom died in november of that year.
well i never really dealt with loses and never really reconciling with my dad i went into deppression i didn't know it at the time later was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder but before that I was a awful person be around i shut down,yelled at the kids all the time very distant with everyone a bascially hated my self no sex drive( i should of know right there that i had a problem)and around that time my wife got new job and in a few month the rest is history .up til then she did daycare for 14 years
i did seek help was on meds for a time and doing alot better aleast now i see the glass a 1/3 full.

first off sweetwater......This is not your fault, yeah the M partly, but not her affair....There is NO excuse for cheating. Did you read up on the plans?

I also had depression...so I understand how this horrible situation can be made to feel even worse. But your children need you remember that, okay?

And, please, keep posting, okay? we want to help you. What you said on the other thread scared me a little, but it is a normal feeling for a lot of people in this situation....I want to help you...I know what you are feeling, you will be okay!