Separation will not help your marriage, it will make it worse. Separation increases the odds of divorce. Most couples who separate never get back together. She will love you much LESS in 6 months obviously because out of sight means out of mind. She has fallen out of love and separating will make it worse.

If your wife honestly wanted your marriage to work, she would work on your marriage.

Which is why she has fallen out of love with you. She is completely emotionally detached. And will stay that way until this changes. [/quote]

So Mel, Fred speaks highly of you. I am a professional and there is no way I can quit my job, there is not work like this where I live. So you have darkened my spirits.

Which is why she has fallen out of love with you. She is completely emotionally detached. And will stay that way until this changes. [/quote]

So Mel, Fred speaks highly of you. I am a professional and there is no way I can quit my job, there is not work like this where I live. So you have darkened my spirits.

RW, do you want to sleep on this and think about what we have told you?

So Mel, Fred speaks highly of you. I am a professional and there is no way I can quit my job, there is not work like this where I live. So you have darkened my spirits. [/quote]


Sorry...

Its your career or your marriage.

Im just got to point something out.
We said not to confront her but to snoop, and you post back that you just asked her on the phone, did you miss that advice or just chose to not follow it?

....You know... Im a FBH/FWH with a FBW/FWW and I see red flags all over the place.
Your wife is using sins of the past to justify current inappropriate feelings.

My money is on a OM in the wings, and you just shot yourself in the foot by tipping her off to your suspicions.

I never thought my W (back then) was capable of such cruelty and deceit, and I thought she was a person of high morals... but she didnt have any boundaries in place.

All the morals in the world won't do any good without bounaries.

What say you?

Sleep whats that, havent been getting much these days. But thank you for your responses, they have helped me come to reality.

I say I was on the phone with her last night prior to finding this website today, shame on me. But I appreciate the advice, just a little late.

I wanted to say that you shouldnt have to quit your job at this point, but it certainly is a obstacle in your goal of marital recovery isnt it?

Snoop, get some answers, if you have no clue where to start, I can help you.

And I really dont know all these acronyms where is the list, FBH FWW FWH ??? I am new here.

Acronyms...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2282858&page=1

Just so you have something to chew on....

My wife and I are recovered, it was not something I thought would ever happen to me.

I would believe whatever my wife said no matter how stupid or insane it sounded.

I DID NOT want to believe back then.. just too painful to face.

I look back with remorse at how easy it was to find what I was looking for once i opened my eyes and took stock of all the clues.

RW, how old are your kids? Are they both at home?

11 and 13 yes both at home.

All the more reason to fight for your marriage, my friend.

Would I be better off doing a phone in with Mr Hartley or to go to a local marriage counselor?

I would recommend a phone consultation with Dr. Harley.

Its 185.00 but its cheaper than divorce.

IMHO, most marriage counselors just try to keep the peace.

Dr. Harley offers help restoring love.

You would be better off getting a pedicure than going to a local counselor because they don't have the slightest idea how to save a marriage. Steve Harley can achieve in one session what most can never achieve. He is the best in the business, IMO, and won't waste a minute of your time. If you decide to go that route, which I think you should, I would ask for STEVE HARLEY instead of his sister, Dr Chalmers. Just my 2nd hand opinion, but I think Steve is good at busting up affairs and Dr Chalmers is good at guiding recovery afterwards.

But, you are going to have to find out if there is an affair no matter what. No amount of counseling or coaching in the world will be of any effect until you find out WHO, WHAT, and WHERE. You have to find out the truth, RW.

Dr Harley does not do phone coaching, but his children do. Steve Harley is a licensed therapist. His sister, Dr Jennifer Chalmers is a licensed psychologist.

First of all, based on my own personal feelings about my M (I'm the BS, my W is the one who strayed), I wouldn't be so quick to jump to the conclusion that your W has strayed.

I'm also reminded of "6Yearsleft", another poster here who chose to remain in his M for some time until he couldn't take it any more and D'd his FWW.

Sometimes it takes us BSs years to come to the conclusion that what we wanted to save on D-Day is not something we want to continue saving.

I do suggest that you snoop however, just in case your W is involved in some sort of extra-marital activities.

He needs to rule it in or out before he can move forward. However, I would reiterate the words of Dr. Harley, who has been doing this for 35+ years now:


This also smells just like an affair to me. Only an investigation will reveal the truth, though, so that needs to be the first step. Don't take anyone's word for it, just find out on your own.