Look at his credit card activity for his trip. You have an address and name of OW...I'm not sure what you are waiting for him to admit. You never answered my question...is OW married and what do you know of her?

The phone bill isn't quite enough... it took a voice-activated recorder to nab my wife.

It's easy.

1. Go to Radio Shack with cash in your hand -- around $100 should do it -- and order one of their cheaper digital voice-activated recorders. You want digital because analog ones make noise when they start recording. They have the Olympus brand recorders as cheap as $30 most times.
If they don't have it in stock, they have a site-to-store option that gets it there pretty quick. The Olympus vn-5000 is your cheapest option at $30 most times. You can record around 300 hours with it, and the batteries are typically good for 25 hours. Buy a handful of rechargeable AAA batteries and a cheap charger, too.

2. Charge the batteries and use some Velcro to mount the VAR somewhere near the steering wheel. Most cars have a "false front" just above the pedals where you can stick the VAR. Practice with it to make sure that the Beep setting is off (it can be set to "beep" when it's recording), that it records silently, and that you know it's turned on.

3. Here's the scary part: setting up some kind of schedule to swap the batteries every day. You need to be able to get into his car, change the batteries, and escape unnoticed. If he's up at 4:45 AM, that means he probably goes to bed fairly early. Do you stay up? If so, that's a perfect time.

4. Once a week or so, download the VAR audio logs to your PC or Mac and listen to them.

Look, a voice-activated-recorder in a vehicle typically nails them the first time, almost every time. They are never expecting it, particularly in the car. But it also takes some work on your part, because you get to listen to a lot of radio time and random chatter.

In some cases, it's even caught the lovers having sex in the car!

dang, Barnboy, that is an awesome post! Can you post that on Spying101 if I bump it up?

thanks! Mel

I know that she is not married. She was married and had an affair with a co-worker, he was married also, they both got divorced and continued their relationship. I recently learned that around sweetest day she kicked him out.

Why isn't the phone bill enough? And just to be sure we are all on the same page, enough for what? To confront? There may be no smoking gun of a PA but WH is still in an EA at the very least.

Cherry doesn't need to confront WH and shouldn't. He doesn't not need to admit to anything when she already knows he's in an inappropriate relationship. I agree with you that she should keep snooping but am unclear where we disagree. KWIM?

Would you mind checking out the Olympus vn-5200pc digital voice recorder and let me know what you think. He does not go to sleep early, he is usually up till 11 and sometimes later. I am guessing since these are not voice ativated that the batteries must be changed everyday is that correct? I am guessing I will have what I need in a day or so.

Olympus vn-5200PC is OK. The "PC" designation means that it comes with a USB cable to allow you to transfer the files to a PC or Mac.


Having a PC sync is VERY, VERY worth it. You can then just email the critical conversations to a private email account with a large quota (think "gmail", for several reasons I could go into but won't) in order to store them forever.

Downside to that recorder: while it's cheap, it's not voice-activated. Which means you're going to get hours and hours of silence in every recording, and you still need to change the batteries every single day. I bet dimes to donuts you have all the evidence you'd need to convince a jury he was having an affair within a few days, but some waywards are more circumspect about conducting their affair anywhere accessible to their betrayed spouse.

VAR gives you much better battery life. Depending on drive-time of the vehicle (which will activate the VAR for sure), you may get days or weeks of recordings on a VAR in the same space you'd have one day on a non-VAR recorder.

If it's a problem doing it when he can't see, then no problem. Gather your velcro and scissors and whatnot and just drive to his work to install it there, some time when there aren't many people in the parking lot. But I bet you'll find a time when he's napping or otherwise unavailable that you can make an excuse to take the 5 minutes required to plant the VAR behind the false front.

You may get some bad recordings to start, too. People have had success in many other areas of the vehicle, too... just make sure it's somewhere he's not likely to check.

There is also voice-activated recording for PCs, too. You can just plant a laptop in a room he tends to use to conduct his affair conversations when you aren't around (usually his favorite spot in the house), make sure to disable all the power-saving features, and then you have a VAR with virtually unlimited recording capacity.

An iPhone or iPod Touch left in a convenient location can do it, too. I used a product called "mVoice" for some of my recordings. It has trouble picking anything up further than a few feet away, but it's still useful. Particularly for when you expect a confrontation with the spouse and need evidence for later...

Yes, Melody, I'd be glad to post some tips on VARs.

Upon hidding the recorder in his car, I received conformation of his affair. I was praying that he would end this on his own but he did not. I finally confronted him on Saturday and he again denied it. He is telling me it was just infatuation. I know this is a lie as I herd everything. He moved out and I am just a mess. I wanted him to come clean and tell me everything so we could move on and I could begin to heal. I asked him waht the ow said and he said he did not tell her he did not want to get her involved. Well, I received the phone bill and he called her the second he left the house. He is still sending me I Love you more than you know text messages. What do I do now?

Did you expose?

Did you Plan A until he moved out?

OF COURSE he says it is infatuation. It is. But it's deep. And anyway, why is he infatuated with another woman when he is married???

EXPOSE, if you haven't done it already!

I exposed to him and all my friends, I also exposed to his sister, I was planning on confronting his parents this weekend. I have set up an appointment on Monday to meet with a lawyer. If he will not admit it how can we ever begin to fix our marriage? I found out about this in October of 2009, I confronted him over a dozen times. Do I respond to his text messages? I do love him very much but I can not take him back until he begins answering my questions and telling me the whole story.

I know everything there is to know about this woman, I have not exposed her yet. Although she knows I know.

Next step.....expose the OW. Sounds like she is a serial adulterer, having affairs with married men!

And expose to other friends of your WH who might have influence over him.

I am so scarred. Will this feeling ever go away? I know I sound like I have no backbone but this is my life. 12 years and I am afraid of the backlash I might have to put up with by exposing her when I should not give a hoot!

I was scared too. And yes, there will be backlash. WH called me every name under the sun and told everyone I was a complete psycho. Turned it around on me so badly I regretted it......for about a day!

Now, I don't regret it at ALL. My marriage is nowhere near fixed, but it would be MUCH worse if I hadn't.

Think of it this way:

OW has no scruples about wrecking your life and your M. What backlash are you afraid of you - your WH's or hers? Because why are you protecting her from her mistakes? And if it's WH's - well, I'll tell you what many have said to me. Your M can withstand his anger. It CAN'T withstand infidelity. And I have read posts of FWHs being thankful for the exposure.

I know your right. I also have another issue, I know who her live in boyfriend used to be but I was told that there was another individual in the mix along with my WH. What do I do about that? I dont know who it is but I am trying to find out.

I am having a hard time as I keep looking and waiting for some type of text from him for some love or hope or something. Do I text him at all? Do I tell him I still love him or do I just not communicate at all? It is so hard, I am feeling really low today!

Does OW have a FB page? Can you find all of her friends and expose to them as well.

You should do exposure at once to have the maximum effect.

Why haven't you told your WH's parents? What do they think is going on?

Yes she has a facebook page but it is private, how can I expose her? His parents do not even know that he left the house. I confronted him and kept asking him to stop, lost 115 lbs tried to fill up his love bucket in hopes that he would stop.

I unfortunately went into plan B in a way that is not supported. I had a melt down, I threw the recorder at him and said I was done. I tried to then talke with him and said that in order for me to begin the healing process I needed to have all the details. Thats when he went into the BS about it being just an infatuation. He said they had made a deal...the deal was that he would leave her alone. The phone records show different. Also they are incoming and outgoing. She used to be his employee and has been transfered to another store.

This gave me some hope that he was trying to end it but really it just allowed them to continue and for him to keep his job.

I guess the reason I worry about exposing this is because even though they do not work together now he could loose his job and if that happens I know there will not be a chance that we would make it, and I would not be able to financially survive without his support.

Okay, I don't really understand what help I can offer you. What plan are you in? You say that you went into Plan B but that you are talking to him? I don't understand.

Have you read all of the info on here? What do you need help with?

I guess I need to know if he is supposed to know about Plan A and Plan B. And in Plan B, is there supposed to be absolutely no contact? How does that work with children involved? How will he know that I still adore him, that I am sad and lonley and I miss him terribly?

What have you read on here? Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

You need to read. You registered here 3 months ago. These questions you are asking are basic. It leads me to believe that you haven't done the basic work of READING.

When you have finished reading and you know what plan you are in, ask questions then and we will be happy to assist you.

He doesn't need to know about Plan A or Plan B. If he doesn't know about MB and the fact that you are on here, I wouldn't tell him yet.

Plan B is ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT.

When you have children together you get an Intermediary and deal with each other that way.

He doesn't need to know that you adore him, are lonely and that you miss him. HE DOESN'T CARE.