I hope I'm not posting in the wrong section. I haven't been here (MB forums) for over 8 years and notice a lot of affairs being fueled by the internet and texting. There's a whole set of tools for lack of a better word to aid affairs that really weren't that advanced 8 years ago.

My question is has there been a rise in the number of affairs in the last few years because of this? because it sure seems like their would be. I wonder if anybody has any hard numbers on this?

i do not have any hard numbers but i too would suspect that it is.....

O_H,

I caught part of a news clip on ABC's local affiliate in the Dallas, Tx area about how Facebook is involved in so many marital problems (infidelity and divorce). It was a study, or survey done in the UK.

I didn't catch the whole story because I was reading from this forum. Anyway they said that 1 in 5 marriages are affected by relationships started on facebook. I don't know if it was just in the UK, or worldwide or whatever.

I tried to find the same story on the internet, but I couldn't.

To partially answer your question, Yes the internet, etc. has become a real threat to a lot of marriages. It is really shocking to discover how bad it has become. I wish that someone would nuke facebook.

I think that in most cases FB etc. are not the cause of the infidelity, but they sure make it a lot easier. There are also a lot of cased where the social networking site are very much the reason that As happen.

For example, a beautiful woman puts a picture of herself on her profile. She then starts adding former co-workers, and former classmates to her "friends" list (male and female). Some of these were actually friends, some were just people she just knew, and some she didn't even remember.

It's just a matter of time before some sleezbag trolling for a hookup starts telling her how beautiful she is, and all of the things he knew she would like to hear to appeal to her ego. He starts probing with questions about how her happiness, and her marriage, and pretending that he "cares" about her. Then BAM the affair is off an running.

Factor in the fact that his timing was perfect because this beautiful woman was pissed at her loving husband about an argument they just had about parenting/discipline, and it's a done deal.

Exactly how it happened to my FWW on Twitter. The moment I became aware of how much time he was trying to spend with her was the moment of our first D-Day in March... and she was already too far gone for me to pull her out of it. The tearful "breakup call" when I demanded it of her was 100% sham...

What made it work? My FWW was very cautious about getting "hit on"... but someone seeing her posts and "asking advice" about her child-raising techniques totally slipped under her radar.

It seems like the perfect platform for A's. They can slip into their virtual romance stay connected almost 24/7 which I assume could make them get involved deeper and faster.

I know I'm stating the obvious but like I said the game has changed and given the dark side of human nature that we here are well aware of...it's scary

Too bad someone doesn't have a Youtube video about the subject. Some kind of short educational piece to make more people aware of the problem and how it can easily happen to just about anyone. Pass that around Facebook

There is really a lot of information out there about all of this, it's just that the people that fall in to it aren't looking for that kind of info. Once it starts, the last thing they want to read, or hear about is that what they are doing is dangerous, and wrong in so many ways.

They are getting a thrill, and havin fun. They don't want anything to interfere with that.

On the other side, there are the BSs who foolishly don't suspect a thing, and unaware of the problem until it's too late.

I think that various internet programs definitely make access to OP easier to get and earsier to hide. Free email addresses, FB, myspace, etc. These advances can be used to further a lot of insideous activity.

I would be willing to be that when cell phones became common, affairs went up too. And regular phones. And email. And cars. It seems that each new advance that makes it easier for man to live makes it easier for man to live badly. It really is sad.

ITA and it is sad very sad!!!!

There's always the other side of the coin, don't forget.

The Internet has made it a lot easier to track and discover a WS activities, too.

At this late date, I could still monitor my WW's computer and cell phone usage, even from afar, and know what her intentions are.

I choose to not do so because of Plan B, and doing so keeps me in the focus of her abuse, even from afar. I have learned all I need to of her activities and do not need to remain on Ground Zero.

Two words
Ashley Madison


The enternet can be a wonderfull tool when used responsibly. But when abused, it can be a horrable, horrable thing.

Really it still boils down to extraordinary precautions to protect your marriage from an affair. Avoiding situations (like internet hookup sites, talking with old "friends" on Facebook, etc.) that are tempting because you value your marriage and your spouse enough to do so.

OH, you mentioned you were here over 8 years ago. What was your name then? What's your story? BS? FWS? What brought you back to MB?

Well, for those of us who know MB, there's also a whole set of tools to PREVENT affairs, if we choose to use them.

Are you and your wife protecting your marriage? Your thread makes me wonder...

People with character defects (waywards) will find a way to cheat on an uninhabited island!

Its not the rising of the technology, its the lowering of the moral value system.

[/quote]

Really it still boils down to extraordinary precautions to protect your marriage from an affair. Avoiding situations (like internet hookup sites, talking with old "friends" on Facebook, etc.) that are tempting because you value your marriage and your spouse enough to do so.

OH, you mentioned you were here over 8 years ago. What was your name then? What's your story? BS? FWS? What brought you back to MB? [/quote]



I can't remember my old username and have long since changed ISP's here's my story in condensed form.

My wife had a 3 month EA/PA in 2001. I found out from the OMW calling me. At the time I didn't have a clue anything was going on and was devastated. It tore me apart hearing all the details things that she did with the OM that she would never do with me, hearing that they both said they loved each other. I never felt so much hate in my life as I felt for the OM. She broke it off fairly quick with the OM and we started our long journey of recovery

I consider myself lucky because she committed to the marriage fairly quick after the A, nothing like I've read about other people are put through that's not to say we didn't go through hell to get here. She had a couple week fog period where she was talking about moving out didn't know if she could love me like she use to blah blah

It took us a long time to recover but the two things that really stick out that made recovery possible for me we're her giving me a safe platform to vent all the poison out and the deep regret and sorrow I felt and saw in her face time and time again as we worked our way through it.

We also worked on ourselves a lot. We both has miserable role models for parents and although we wanted a solid loving marriage neither of us really knew how to obtain it. We didn't know how to communicate, neither of us were really that aware of needs in a relationship

Why am I here? By chance actually, I was home bored and sick one day surfing the net and for some reason decided to visit here. I didn't think I would return again but it's done me some good to reflect back and see where we were and where we've come and it's also reminded me to keep up with the "relationship maintenance" don't take too many things for granted. And tbh visiting and reflecting back it makes me even more proud of her that she was able to turn it around.

I also feel an empathy to those going through this, it's kind of like we're all part of this big club that only we can understand. I don't know how long I'll stay around but I hope I can say a few things of substance to help someone along the way....Paying it forward if you will.

Now getting back to topic I was just commenting on how some things have changed is 8 short years. Social network sites,texting etc.

Exactly what happened in my sitch. The sleezbag was a childhood friend of my wife. We were having issues with each others ENs (although in my wife's mind it was just me not tending to hers, of course). He took advantage of it, being the POS that he is. Lucky it was caught early and we're recovering.

It wasn't the OM that my wife loved, it was the affair. She became addicted to it. FB made it easy to get her 'fix' - that's the power of the internet.

However, as has been pointed out, the internet has also played a key role in getting us back to this point where we are recovering and things are getting better because I found this site, this forum, and these great people. Without FB she probably would not have had an EA. Without MB, I'd be in the divorce process.

The internet taketh away, and the internet giveth.

Linus,

Amen brother, to all of that.

We were having issues with each others ENs (although in my wife's mind it was just me not tending to hers, of course).

Same here!!

As the WH, and dealing with my wife's rebound / revenge A. Boy does the internet and wireless communication make it so easy. And at first, you can rationalize it, "it's just an e-mail" or "it's just a text". Then, "it's just a naked pic, it's not like we're having an affair."

The internet and text make it easy to get caught up in the entire fantasy of it all. But it still takes a certain amount of weakness to allow yourself to cross the line.

That is why I think that we need to add vows which explicitly say, "your passwords are my passwords", "your cell phone is my cell phone", "your browser history is my browser history". There is never a legitimate reason for being possessive and secretive about any of it. It is always a big, huge red flag..

DT

This is true and most of us would not be here if we all followed the bolded part

I don't know for sure if the internet/technology is causing a rise in affairs or not. On one hand, it certainly seems to be opening up more avenues of contact. However, I guess it's hard to say whether those that use those new avenues wouldn't have found another way even without the internet.

There are a couple of things I do think the internet has changed with regards to A's.

First, I think it's leading to more A's where the OP is a "long lost" friend, versus a random stranger.

Second, I think the internet/technology is allowing people to get further along in an A before they actually feel like they've done anything wrong. Texting and chatting with with a person of the opposite sex online is essentially having a "date" with them, although many would not recognize it as such.