JCB mentioned
in another thread:
Barnboy,
I just read your signature line, "Plan Doormat", haha, I thought I was the only one!
I could start a marriage builders forum, Plan Doormat in 10 easy steps!
Here's your Plan Doormat in 10 Easy Steps!
1. Spend plenty of time away from your spouse. Work long hours so that you make plenty of money so he or she can go out with her friends -- and without you -- regularly!
2. Pretend you don't notice the odd hours, secretive behavior around their mobile phone and computer, and the new "friend" that your spouse has been seen with regularly or spends a lot of time with on the phone or computer.
3. Avoid all conflict with your spouse. Agree with what they say, take the blame for everything they do, and recognize that all of the consequences of their actions are really your fault.
4. Help pay for stuff. Like trips your spouse takes "alone". You know, he or she has promised that "alone time" will strengthen your marriage! If your spouse needs a lot of money, give it to them without question, as much as they want.
5. Let your spouse berate or guilt you out of the home so that they can introduce their special friend as your kids' new "Daddy" or "Mommy".
6. Remain totally silent about the affair with friends, family, and your spouse's place of employment. Silence is your only friend in Plan Doormat. If you do decide to talk about it with ANYONE, beg that person to keep it a secret so that your spouse doesn't get mad at you for tattling on them!
7. Believe your spouse when they say that your marriage problems have nothing to do with their new "friend". You're just not loveable. Or you really were a horrible person for all those years your spouse told you how wonderful you were and how grateful they were for you. They were just telling you that to avoid conflict. Or the marriage really was "over" already. Or maybe you just weren't meeting your spouse's needs, and you should meet those needs for the rest of your life out of fear of losing your spouse.
8. Don't bother with snooping into your spouse's life. It's unnecessary. You know your spouse is being honest with you because they tell you so! If you do decide to snoop and find out your spouse is having an affair, for honesty's sake go tell them exactly how you came by this information as soon as possible. They'll promise the affair is over, and you'll know it because all the stuff you used to snoop on them won't return any useful information anymore!
9. If your spouse tells you the affair is over and they are "just friends" now, don't insist on any sort of permanent separation. Birthday cards, occasional phone calls, working together... it's all good! Just make sure your spouse keeps that affair partner in your life where you always know they are there.
10. Whatever you do, don't insist your spouse make any changes. They are perfect just the way they are, and to try to make them change is like trying to change the wind or the tides. They are who they are, and you just step up there to be with them on the ride, or step aside and let them be happy.
Follow my 10 simple steps for Plan Doormat recovery from an affair, and you too can have the amiable divorce you always wanted!
Now, I'm sure I'm not the only person who knows and has implemented at least a few steps from Plan Doormat. What are some other tried-and-true ways to make sure that someone else will be your kids' new step-parent real soon?