Timothy, can you give some background on the reason/cause for the separation? It might help us put things into perspective. You say there isn't movement toward divorce, but only separation. I don't know where you live, so the law may be different, but in Virginia, the law does not recognize "legal separation." My wife and I have a Separation and Property Settlement Agreement, which is a legal document, but the law only recognizes three states of matrimony:
- Married, living together,
- Married, living separately,
- Divorced (single)
My wife and I are married, living separately, and her adultery is the reason why. Adultery is defined as having sex with someone other than your spouse. There is no "wiggle room" in that regard ("Oh, we're separated, so it's OK to sleep with someone else").
What ages are your boys? Are they adults and not living at home? If not, has your wife taken them with her or are they with you? This is important, as mothers who leave their children do so under very extraordinary circumstances. Very often, women who leave to "sort things out" or to "find themselves" are really doing so because they have already found someone else. If you do not know under what conditions your wife left, you might suddenly find yourself blindsided. I hate to be the possible bearer of bad news, but you have to consider all possibilities.
You say it was your fault that caused the separation. What did you do? What are you doing now to remedy it? Have you read the articles on this site? Have you purchased any of Dr. Harley's books? This entire site is about building strong, passionate
permanent marriages. Becoming familiar with the concepts and principles espoused by Dr. Harley is vital to understanding this site and working with the people here.
Take advantage of the resources here, identify the issues that you can address (you can't force your wife into looking at hers) and give us some more info to let us help you. Deal?
