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I do not remember the exact details today, only that it struck me as odd how those long held MB principles and philosophies were being thrown by the wayside so quickly and effortlessly. I'm a "talk the talk and walk the walk" kind of guy. Disappointed in how those sessions were handled. LG, with all due respect, I don't see any principle at all that was thrown by the wayside. Can you be more specific?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Lawful Good, just a question...why were you on a marriage builders website if you wanted to go straight to D? Were you trying to work on your M and then just decided to get D..or you wanted a D right after Dday....I am not being sarcastic, I just dont know your whole story...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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I'm not saying its wrong, it's MB's ball game and they can play by whatever rules they choose. It just helps to understand that the site takes a "marriage at all costs" approach if you want to participate in the community. Nope, it does not have a marriage at all costs approach at all. That is inaccurate. Some of the greatest successes here were counseled to divorce BY the Harleys. There are newsletters titled "When to Call it Quits." We have many participants here who are divorced, there is even a divorce section. The Harleys do recommend divorce in certain instances. Just because Steve saw hope in LG's marriage and tried to sell him on giving it a chance, does not mean this is a "marriage at all costs site" or that ANY principle has been dismissed. Steve does this very thing every day with disenchanted waywards, so I don't know why it is a problem when he does it with a BS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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LG, I'm disappointed in you. To sit there and tell me i made a mistake by heading to Plan D confounding. I appreciate that this is a "marriagebuilders" site, but it's attitudes like your post here that really make me question the integrity of some of the people on this site. LG, I fully respect your decision to get divorced. You are a man who has paid a dear price and you don't have to explain or justify yourself yourself to anyone. But I want to remind you of something. Many, many BS's show up here in shock and distress who claim they want a divorce when their marriages CAN be saved. I always ask them to cool their jets because a decision to divorce would be a permanent action based on a temporary state of mind. Maybe Steve thought the same thing about you and was worried you were making a decision under duress. He knows your marriage could be saved because he has probably seen much worse than yours come back from the dead and wanted to make sure you were clear in your resolve. I know I would feel that way. Just consider SMB and tst. She was in here every week wanting divorce and her marriage is happily recovered today after going to a MB weekend and counseling with Dr Jennifer Chalmers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Lawful Good, just a question...why were you on a marriage builders website if you wanted to go straight to D? Were you trying to work on your M and then just decided to get D..or you wanted a D right after Dday....I am not being sarcastic, I just dont know your whole story... Head back and read my OP... DDay#1 (OM#1) 14 years ago...worked on marriage DDay#2 (OM#3) Dec 26, 2008 - found MB.com shortly after and worked on marriage for five months, until... DDay#3 (OM#4) May 6, 2009 - I had enough, d-papers served days later. Please remember, between DDay#2 and DDay#3 I asked her countless times if there were ANY other skeletons in her closet, any other affairs that I needed to know about. She repeatedly said "no, nothing else..." Mel: I'm sorry I cannot recall the exact conversations with Dr.H. I will try in the coming days to access my meeting notes.
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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LG, I fully respect your decision to get divorced. You are a man who has paid a dear price and you don't have to explain or justify yourself yourself to anyone. Thank you for saying that...
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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LG, I dont think I would have made it through 3 Ddays, so you have every right to D...But I dont think you have a right to say that Dr Harley threw MB concepts to the wayside...I mean what is the proof of that.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I KNEW IT!! BUSTED. Good job Revera..I should on that TV show the mentalist...DUDE
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LG, I fully respect your decision to get divorced. You are a man who has paid a dear price and you don't have to explain or justify yourself yourself to anyone. Thank you for saying that... I think he is regretting the PLAN D. I can sense it in his posts. I've been there, done that. You need some serious time away from your stbxw and I predict you go to her wanting to try and date her. Its not a weak position. If you love someone, you just do. If she is done w/ the adultery/MLC, then maybe it will work next time. IDK DUDE
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She got thumped pretty bad when she posted, and she kept coming back. IIRC, she came back for a time, but never could quite empathize with Lawfulgood's pain and never really could see past her own "needs". Also, she quit posting some time before the Great Crash. In the end, she gave up before she really got started. -ol' 2long
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I KNEW IT!! BUSTED. Good job Revera..I should on that TV show the mentalist...DUDE Dude, I just got my Publisher clearing house winning number in the mail...Will I win the ten million? 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I KNEW IT!! BUSTED. Good job Revera..I should on that TV show the mentalist...DUDE Dude, I just got my Publisher clearing house winning number in the mail...Will I win the ten million? I am PREDICTING you will NOT WIN!! So, if you do, I don't have the powers I believe to possess..DUDE
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I KNEW IT!! BUSTED. Good job Revera..I should on that TV show the mentalist...DUDE Dude, I just got my Publisher clearing house winning number in the mail...Will I win the ten million? I am PREDICTING you will NOT WIN!! So, if you do, I don't have the powers I believe to possess..DUDE Yeah, thanks... 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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LG, You're decision to D is not a lose situation. Even Dr H has said that getting beyond multiple affairs is almost imposible. But he has stated that he will try to do so and counsel folks who wish to try. The good Dr has stated that in the case of multiple affairs, he does not believe it would neccesarily be a good idea to attempt recovery with a person who has demonstrated such unworthiness of being trusted again. You made no mistake in my book for what its worth, you decided to make a sane life for yourself and your children. I applaud that. If, on the other hand, either husband were to have another affair, the association would be much harder to extinguish. In fact, when a couple goes through a recovery after an affair, and then experience another affair, the resentment is often more intense and more persistent after the second recovery. With multiple affairs and recoveries, resentment is almost impossible to overcome. But then, in those cases I usually feel that the emotional reaction of resentment is not irrational at all. Emotions are telling the person that it's not a good idea to continue the relationship, and I would agree. All Blessings, Jerry
Last edited by shinethrough; 01/08/10 06:56 PM.
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**edit**
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 01/08/10 09:31 PM. Reason: TOS = disrespectful
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I think he is regretting the PLAN D. I can sense it in his posts. I've been there, done that. You need some serious time away from your stbxw and I predict you go to her wanting to try and date her. Its not a weak position. If you love someone, you just do. If she is done w/ the adultery/MLC, then maybe it will work next time. IDK DUDE Make no mistake Dude, there will be no recovery, no reconciliation, no "dating" the STBx down the road. If you knew me personally you would know that once I make a decision of this magnitide there is NO turning back. What's done is done. When I talk the talk I WALK the WALK. And by the way, I have it on good authority that she started seeing someone a few months ago...about the time she stopped begging me to take her back and stopped promising me everything in the divorce settlement. She did in deed turn the "180" and moved on with her life. Am I sad that my marriage is over? Yes. Am I sad that my family is broken up? Yes. Plan D sucks and I would never wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I will do my best to take the high road with the STBx, and treat her with civility and respect, especially with regard to our DDs. She will always be their mother and for that she will always have a special place in my heart. But she will never again be my wife. Period. End of sentence.
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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LG,
Sounds like a plan to me.
JL
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LG,
Once a man reaches a point where his heart is dead with a WW after not one, but four betrayals then it is completely understandable to say that they have had enough.
4 is a lot to handle and forgive and there is a track record of betrayal after betrayal.
You've paid your dues and it is ok to get to where you want to move on. I also don't think it's right for others to ask why you're in a marriage building site when you intended to D when this site is full of waywards and betrayed spouses wrestling with that question in a very real way every single day.
If you're heart is dead for her, then it is dead. Odds are high you have literally suffered heart damage from all of this (I did).
I can also understand why a person would never want their spouse back at all. Once you've had enough, you've had enough.
There's plenty of people who divorced and still post here and contribute to both those trying to save things and those trying to navigate the trecherous legal waters of divorce.
Don't feel bad for anything.
The only thing I will respectfully disagree with is the expectation for SH to simply say, "Oh, you're convinced you want a D? Ok. That's what you should do."
If that was his standard he wouldn't deal with waywards at all since most of them say that.
So I think he was just doing his job.
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Thanks helpthelostdads. I appreciate your words!
I would not have had issues with SH if he had...
1. Honored my wishes to only counsel with him to help my STBx and myself heal, instead of trying to talk me in to recovery
2. Held true to MB.com principles and philosophies.
As I said before, SH was a very intelligent and articulate man. I continue to have the utmost respect for him. I am just disappointed our sessions turned out the way they did...
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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helpthelostdads, I was asking LG why he was on a marriage building site because I didnt remember the first post had said that he had tried to save the marriage, but it didnt work out. I had mistakenly thought he wanted a D right away...I beleive LG has EVERY RIGHT to be on this site, I never said he didnt.
LG I apologize if it came across that way.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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