Fred,

Indifference is in order. What are you supposed to be doing during that time?

Open the door and then go about your business as if a repairman came to your house to fix something.

You cook, watch TV, read a magazine and speak if spoken to. When asked something, be non chalant and factual.

I know you may not feel it inside, but one day you actually get to this point for real.

It takes years, but you eventually get there.

Nice jeans.
Clean shirt.
Clown nose (j/k)


As if you were meeting a stranger. Polite and non-committal.



No. And to help you along, think of her a a very damaged person. One you cannot help.

You can always use the Yogi Berra quotes if you get stuck for a response !

Thanks, folks. She's been here for about an hour now. Brought along her oldest DD, who came from eight hours away...

I greeted her at the door, showed her where I put things, and the things she's asked for I've just said she could have.

My friend and I are hanging new curtains in the TV room. But I swear she is nit-picking over every little thing. She wants the outlet cover that matches the tissue cover in the hallway bathroom. Good grief. I showed a little exasperation over that.

For the most part, I'm being detached and indifferent.

But it sucks.

Nitpicking over plastic crap, eh?
<~~~ WW

Think of it as her getting the outlet cover as opposed to her getting any part of your 401k! Also, as long as she doesn't know you think it sucks, you're free to think and feel whatever you like behind your impenetrable facade!!

tl

I have followed your journey and am praying for you today, Fred.

God's Blessings,

Say

I almost lost it a moment ago. She went into the master bedroom without first asking (a written requirement) so I followed her in there and reminded her of my boundary. She started to get upset, and at one point, said to me, "Trust me."

"That's the last thing I can do," I replied.

She really is going through things with a fine-tooth comb. Considering most of the stuff is going to wind up in storage, this is more about making a statement than anything else, I think.

I have given her everything she's asked for. Some things are absolutely mine (there is a portrait of me and my two sisters painted over 50 years ago that was "given" to her by my folks before they died. She even asked about that, and I insisted it was mine. Go figure!).

She really is a piece of... art. Not.

Wow. She wanted to keep a family portrait of you and your sisters? That is too weird.

Hoping she gets out soon Fred.

I've done such a good job preparing for it, and her movers don't work on Sunday, that I think she'll be done today. She also told me she'll be giving me back the Jeep at the end of March (cake eating all the way)...

It must be very hard, but now you have nothing else to share with her.
I was reading in your profile that you have been in plan B only for a month. Wow! and she is already claiming her stuff!
Is she living with OM?
You did very well today, I would have not been able to even see my WH without starting to shake or cry.
blessing

Hey Fred-O,

Nice job. She's just tryin' to get under your skin. You're doing great. Hey, if you ended up holding onto that dinky, plastic outlet cover, it would probably be the very next thing you replace.

After all, who needs to be triggered by an outlet cover??

TB

There is such a thing a women's intuition.
Women tend to pick up non-verbal cues quicker.
But, I'm bad at math.

The movers are here. It's hard at times to believe this isn't the woman I married, but an alien. But she is an alien.

I have three friends here, and we're watching TV, eating soup and sandwiches, and chatting about all sorts of things. I check periodically to make sure the stuff that's being moved is what's supposed to be moved (although I'm not really worried about it).

Sigh. She asked about the 'no contact' stipulation. I maintained that she should reach me through the IM if she needed to contact me. She insists she is not going to do so, as she doesn't know the IM. She asked if my friend would be suitable. I said no. I don't want my friend to be any more involved than he already is (I told him separately that I did not want him to be a relay even if she asks -- which she has and will).

Yes, she is truly more than just a wayward wife. She is a very personality-damaged wayward wife. I am going to remind her of the way she can resume contact with me. It's spelled out in my Plan B letter.

I don't foresee an affairage coming out of this, although it seems that she does, considering the extent to what she's packing and taking with her. She's got a storage bin somewhere, so she fully intends to take everything -- wall plates and more -- to her next "marital home," no doubt.

She's leaving my heart here, though.

She's going to press your boundary HARD about the IM, so make sure you stick to it.

My friend is here and I have asked him in no uncertain terms. I have told him that if she contacts him to relay any messages that I do not want to hear them.

She knows how she can contact me directly, and I have told her the IM is the only other way.

How has the whole visit gone, by the way? Has she become angry that you had friends there, etc?

The Leopard and her oldest DD left at around 3:00 p.m. today. They had to go with the moving van because they had to go to her storage bin as well as to her new apartment. She'll be back again tomorrow for the remainder.

I can't see how she'll get "the remainder" all removed tomorrow, though. Just the crap left in the garage will take multiple trips, and she still has closets full of clothes and other odds and ends. She has from 10:00 - 6:00 to finish her move. Actually, according to our agreement, she has six months to complete her move out, but since I've specified that I don't want her appearing at my doorstep all too frequently, she needs to make the proper arrangements. Maybe next time she'll rent a van.

A couple of observations (I'm sure I'll mention more later, but I want to get this out and done and not drag the whole thing out in one laborious post). When she first arrived she told me rather grandly that she "hadn't told all of our friends about what was going on." I didn't answer, but felt like telling her that oh, I had, alright. The friend she had asked to be there was there when she arrived, but when others started to show up, she got a little miffed. One fellow (who just left -- we've been talking for nearly two hours) said he saw her with tears in her eyes at one point. I'm sorry, but that doesn't cut it with me.

Another time she got angry with me because I had mentioned euthanizing (sp?) the cat, which got DD upset (hell, it was bought for DD in the first place -- why didn't she take it when she left???). Leave my kids out of it, she demanded. I told her she should have thought of them earlier.

She seemed genuinely pleased that I had gone through the trouble of packing and moving so much of her stuff into the garage, but she also has nit-picked every freakin' thing (see my earlier post about the wall plate).

One time, she was out smoking (I asked that she smoke at the sidewalk and not the front porch) I mentioned to her DD that I still found it unsettling to see her smoking. I said this wasn't the woman I'd married, or maybe she wasn't this woman at the time. DD's reply to me was, "Life's full of surprises."

After the cat incident (DD said she'd pick it up the next day, but WW said no) I asked DD if they were coming back tomorrow (the movers don't work on Sunday). She said most likely. I then said it probably wouldn't be a good idea to invite one of OM's old girlfriends over then, would it? I did say that I'd talked at length to one who told me she dated him a couple of years ago when his divorce would be happening "any day" and that he dumped her finally because she was "too old" for him. I didn't wait for or expect a reply.

So, that's it. She had three hours more today she could have used and didn't. She has eight hours tomorrows. She's left stuff lying around and asked me not to put it in the garage. I told her I didn't want it lying around and that I would probably move it. She asked that I not make it hard for her to find and I simply told her I wasn't trying to hide anything from her, that I wanted it gone.

My friends could tell I had some bottled anger in me. I probably didn't execute my "indifferent" attitude to perfection, but I think overall it went well, and having people to distract me and keep me company certainly helped.

Another day tomorrow. And that should be the last I see of her. She told me she'll return my Jeep to me at the end of March, as specified. Meaning she has no intention of keeping it (but will eat the cake I've provided). When she contacts my IM I am simply going to have her park the Jeep out front and leave the key on my doorstep.

That's all for now.

How's Bingo?

I'm going out to buy a new wall plate and matching bathroom items.

I'll check back in a while.

Thanks, everyone.

Why does she get to use your jeep for three months? She cheated, right? This makes no sense to me.