Hi everyone,

We are about to walk down the aisle shortly. It�s the second time for me. I seem to have forgotten how stressful a period this can be on people ;-)

We are just 4 weeks out and it appears I have developed a talent for offending my fianc� with jokes / comments that she would previously either laugh at or ignore. Problem is that when I upset her, she won't tell me, but basically switches off / goes quite, which makes me feel very uncomfortable and makes me either pester her or go quite myself. When I ask what is bothering her, she denies that she is upset, but it�s pretty obvious as she is normally very happy go lucky.

Now don�t get me wrong, I am not blaming my fianc� as I am obviously the one being ignorant / insensitive to her feelings, but it has got me wondering how we will manage once we have kids and financial pressures like most families / people. Is this a normal concern / thought process for me?
Do any of you (especially the ladies) remember this period and have any advice before I get myself neuter�d?

Cheers RM

How long have you known your fiancee? Have you seen any prior experiences with this conflict-avoiding behavior? It is a bad pattern to get into, so I'd try to have a heart to heart chat about it with her, and see how she responds.

AGG

I wouldn't be too concerned about the joking thing in particular, but the fact that behavior seems to be changing once you're moving out of the dating stage.

It's natural for her to be ok with something while dating, then feel differnet when it's her husband she refering to. Natural, but not fair to you. That said, things will change and you both need to be prepared to adjust.

I think you actually have a great oppurtunity to impliment the Policy of Joint Agreement here. I think that would go a long way towards letting her know that she can share these kind of things with you and no one has to make a sacrafice.

Hi again, I haven't been able to get online for a few days and respond, but thanks for the advice. I have known her for about 5 years. She is the same, hard working, 100mph and always putting me / us first.

I am the one that is changing a little, that is, I am mellowing / slowing down a little and have lost a little of my self confidence, probably as a result of the D and the fact that I don't know what to do with my career.

Since my last post, I forced an argument to get her to tell me what was bothering her ;-(. While this was not my preferred strategy as asking her did not get her to open up, the argument did.

We both apologised and she agreed that if I upset her in future, she won't clam up on me. Similarly, I should be a little more sensative in my jokes / wise cracks. We had a big laugh as he told me that she had her bridezilla moment;-) Hopefully this will conversation / agreement will go a long way towards helping us deal with the any future challenges;-)

Keep you posted

Why don't you set up a Sunday night discussion hour? One hour a week, you sit down without distraction and discuss how you each feel things are going. Everything is on the table, you both promise not to get offended or feel like you have to defend yourself, you just listen to each other. Maybe come up with some decisions on improving things. The rest of the week, you don't bring up stuff; it's very freeing. And helpful.