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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 43
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And I found that she is talking to OM and perfessing her love and desire for him. I was destroyed. I wanted to believe her that she ended it with him. Well needless to say she has been exposed and I sent an email to him. I dont know who his family is however he lives in New York and I live in Virginia.
I confronted her with the emails and she just cries. She states she wants to be with me but cares for him. I told her it ends now and I want to see the email to him ending it. She is hesitant about writing me a letter concerning the kids if she has any more contact with him or ever does this again.
Now what? I feel so much hatred inside me right now I can't even sleep or eat
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
WT, I would ask her to write a letter patterned after the one in Surviving an Affair. It should be approved by you and sent together.
Secondly, what will you be doing to change the environment that enabled the affair? If this is an internet affair, then she should not be on the computer AT ALL unless you are there. IM and facebook and everything else should be removed. Her email should be closed down and you should SHARE an email account from now on.
Is this guy married? Have you notified his wife? I would find that out and notify her if not.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
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Have you told her family yet? She is hesitant about writing me a letter concerning the kids if she has any more contact with him or ever does this again. Can you elaborate on this? Are you talking about a postnuptial agreement waiving custody if she does this again? Given that she's a serial cheater this is an excellent idea. She should have a phone number for this joker. Get it from her (don't let on what for), and either punch it into Intellius or get a PI. You should be able to find out where this guy lives in short order. Then you expose to his wife if he has one. Have you been tested for STD's? Consider requiring her to take a polygraph test as well.
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
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Next time you have evidence of ongoing contact, just say you know she's in contact. Don't say how, because she'll just find another way. Like now she might open a gmail or hotmail account and only mail him from the post office.
You said "Well needless to say she has been exposed..." -- to whom?
Can you hire a PI to see if they can find out more about this guy? If you could expose to his spouse that'd be fantastic.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 43
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I dont have money for a PI. From what I can gather he is not married.
As for being exposed I told my Mom and her parents.
And yes I was referring to a postnuptial agreement concerning the kids. She does not know I installed a keylogger program. When she asked I simply said I cracked it.
AS for how she stayed in contact with him. I told her facebook and her email was to be deleted and I will be watching her while she does it and any future reopenings will result in her violating the postnuptial. My problem is she works at night as a nurse and she checks her email account and I have no way of tracking it if she opens another unless she scres up and uses our home comps. She has his number but will not give it to me. This worries me most.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 43
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I did and she wont, she said the house is in both our names and I can't make her leave as she has no where to go.
Last edited by whitetail37; 01/11/10 02:39 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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That's what legal separation papers are for.
Look, you have ONE CHANCE only to scare the carp out of her. Either you man up and give her one chance only to commit to you, or you ditch her - and YOU keep the kids. Because you will take her AND the OM and place them both on the witness stand in court.
Or she can give you his number.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
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I did and she wont, she said the house is in both our names and I can't make her leave as she has no where to go. She should have thought of that before she started the A. As long as she is withholding OM's number she is protecting him.  You're right to be concerned.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My problem is she works at night as a nurse and she checks her email account and I have no way of tracking it if she opens another unless she scres up and uses our home comps. She has his number but will not give it to me. This worries me most. Can you get his number from your phone bill? Do you know his name? If you can get his name and town you can get his # from directory assistance and call him house and speak to his wife. She plans on continuing this affair. That is evidenced by her refusal to give you his #. I would also expand your exposure to her side of the family and friends.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2010
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She never uses our phone I already pulled phone records. I know his name I'll give directory assistance a whirl.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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She never uses our phone I already pulled phone records. I know his name I'll give directory assistance a whirl. WT, also check intelius.com and peoplesearch.com to see if a womans name comes up. If you can find him in directory assistance call his house and ask for his wife. When you call disguise your # using *67 so it doesn't come up on caller ID.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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