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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16 |
Hello All!
Interesting situation I got myself into and I thought I would post to see what others can offer for support.
Quick backgroung: H left me and the kids for another woman he met on an online dating site. She moved in with him a few months later and they are still together today.
I did everything that was offered on this site..plan A, plan B, no contact letter, exposure, etc... When I outed their affair, one of the people I told was her ex-husband, hoping I would get some support. He responded immediately and told me that his divorce from her was nasty. He took the time to talk to me about her but eventually, I realized that he had no influence over her and that he would not be much help in saving my marriage.
The girlfriend found out that I had contacted her ex-H and freaked. Both her and my H sent me nasty text messages and emails, accusing me of some terrible things. However, she also contacted her ex-H and freaked out on him as well.
My problem is, I feel horrible for the ex-H!! He was dragged into something that he didn't deserve to be. I have no idea what she said to him but when I tried to contact him to apoligize, he wouldn't take my calls or text messages.
Ugh!! I feel so bad about what I did to him. What to do?
Me: 40
WS: 45
DS: 14
DS: 10
DDay: April 7, 2009
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Joined: Jul 2008
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4MB,
You didn't lie about anything to him, you had every right to contact him. Gads all you did was TALK to her ex. OW is WITH your H.
OW on the other hand has likely lied out the wazzo to your H about being the honorable one in her divorce. Now the maggot is squirming in the bright light of truth. Just wait until she cheats on your H.
NJ
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
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Send him a letter apologizing for her going off on him but that you wanted to save your M!
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
how in the hell do you apologise for something someone else did? 
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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I'm with the "Do Nothing" contingent.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
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Add me to the "do nothing" contingent.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
4myboys, its not your fault the OW is a wackjob and a skank. You can't apologize for that!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
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Posts: 2,888 |
4myboys, one thing I've learned in the short time I've been here is that people + affairs = very strange results.
When I confirmed the identity of my WW's OM, I located his wife and sent her a letter. Very proper, I said her husband and my wife were having an affair. The problems with their marriage wasn't my business, I just wanted to end the affair.
I heard nothing from her. Then, I received a letter from her attorney. I was asked if I would be willing to share my evidence, and that OMW did not want to be contacted directly because she did not want to "involve the kids."
Twice I replied to the attorney, and even shared some of my evidential proof. To this day, I have not received a reply from either OMW or OMW's attorney. My WW's affair continues to this day. She moved everything out of our house this past weekend and is setting up her "waiting nest" in anticipation of having OM join her when his divorce is final.
He's been "getting divorced" for over three years now. And has been doing a lot of "cattin' around" since even before he and OMW separated.
Do you think I feel I owe an apology to anyone?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
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how in the hell do you apologise for something someone else did? "I apologize that she went off on you because we talked, BUT I'M DESPERATELY TRYING TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE" For starters, but hey, I only have NINE initials after my name WTF do I know, FAT FISH!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16 |
Hmmmm...everyone is right. I don't need to apologize. I did nothing wrong. But is still fell kinda crummy about it...
But I think there is some logic to the comment that she freaked because she is worried that the truth will come out. Her ex-H told me that he suspects that she cheated on him (he's impotent but she managed to get pregnant...twice...during their marriage). My H did not know about this little tidbit of information. But of course, she managed to convince my H that she didn't cheat and he believed her. The fog is really thick around him these days....
Me: 40
WS: 45
DS: 14
DS: 10
DDay: April 7, 2009
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
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I have a feeling he's not responding to you anymore not because of you, but because of her. He doesn't want to be involved with her anymore. You did nothing wrong by contacting him. Don't take it personally.....just let it go. She is the offender, not you.
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