Abusers do the same too, they give you just enough love to confuse you and make you think they have a good side to them. Hope you stop being a victim and do something soon, this kind of relationship can turn a person into a very needy person. You don't need that, you need a woman that loves you every moment of every day. Good luck.

Hi Anna,

I thought about your words and I realize to some extent that you are right. She is playing the game, 'fishing' as they call it, reeling the catch in and then letting the line out again.

Guess I always saw it as our relationship moving forward a step, but all that was happening was that the hook was getting sunk in deeper...

I know that ending the 'friends with benefits' relationship is the first step I must make, in order to salvage what is left of my self-pride and self-worth. Never knew I had sunk so deep when all I can think about is wanting to be with her, and all she is now is disinterested

So what is stopping you?

You said earlier that you have "nothing to lose" in playing this game with her; it seems now that you have lost quite a bit. Why do you want to continue banging your head against the wall?

Lose her sorry a$$, have a pity party, and move on. Too many good women out there to be stuck with some self centered psycho slut.

AGG

Hi AGG,

Thanks, I needed that I guess.

Well, one way or another, we have parted ways. Got into a huge argument the other day, the reasons are not important I suppose. Even though I asked her to calm down and talk about it, she wouldn't and said no more talking, she wasn't interested in talking. So we've not spoken to each other the last day or 2 days now.

I'm trying to move on, knowing that its the best move for me and knowing that she doesn't care one iota about it. Probably to her, I'm just another chump, and I have been one.

Will try to live through the week without contacting her and just leave it be. I know there are better women out there who, like me, want a normal relationship without any manipulative games.

Well, that says a lot about her and how compatible she would have been with you, doesn't it.

I know breakups hurt, but trust me, you dodged a major bullet here. Heal a bit, and then go out there and find a good relationship material prospect .

AGG

Hi AGG

Well, she's not spoken to me, nor responded to my olive branch since Tuesday, so I guess its off. I know her very well, she will never initiate a reconcilliation, and neither will I in this case.

Have been trying to keep my evenings busy, so I don't think of her, but its still hard considering I see her at work every day of the working week. Will try to chill out and have fun with friends this weekend, cheers. You guys have a good weekend too!

Just be prepared that she may very well come back at some point and try to reel you back in. Don't fall for it. Stay strong and don't let her know how much you're hurting. You'll meet a good woman at some point, and will look back at this one and thank your lucky stars that she did not reel you into a more permanent arrangement.

Have a good weekend.

AGG

I don't know about the "come back" part.. she's a very proud person, either that, or she really doesn't gives a damn. Kinda like when you're at a buffet, you won't really be bothered when one dish out of 10 is taken away, there's 9 more! lol

Pathetic as it may sound, my mind often wonders what she's up to, who's she's with. When I don't see her online (and we haven't chatted online since the argument), I assume she's out with some guy, or with her ex-BF which she looks to be in the process of getting back together with. Now, rationally, I know that who she's with, and chooses to be with is her choice -we're not a couple, and I'm not even sure we're even friends! But something still compels me to look at her online status, try as I may not to do it... I feel stupid doing it, yet I still do it.

I'm wondering how long it takes before I can forget about her, before that feeling of being stabbed in the heart goes away everytime I see her in the office. It has taken a lot of effort (and strongly worded comments from my friends) to stop me from talking or contacting her this week, let's hope I can last for another week.

Sorry, just needed to rant.. hope everyone is having a better weekend than me

Mr_Confused,
Is this at all possible...the reason you are so attracted to her is because she is openly into men and that attracts you very much because of what happened to you with your WW. You may still have fears lingering...you want extreme confirmation that a woman is into men...just a thought.


Gg

Hi Gg

I don't think that is the case at all. I was attracted to her initially because of her looks (yes superficial, I know), but she's also intelligent and independent. I guess that independence now translates to 'don't give a damn' LOL

We've been friends for over two years, and I guess I'm still kinda surprised she's making such a big fuss over that argument. I mean, it wasn't that bad an argument, not to this extent. Perhaps it was just a convenient excuse to get rid of a 'friend with benefits' who got too needy and close. Oh well..

OK an update:

She contacted me on chat just now to tell me she had removed two plants she had put at my office window. Then I made some small talk and asked her if she was still angry, to which she replied that she wasn't. From the conversation that ensued, her entire tone was confrontational, and she asked me if I was trying to pick another argument with her.

I replied that I wasn't, but that I found it hard to believe that after all we've been through together, she was willing to throw everything away. She replied that it was just a game, and that I was a poor player. She said she had warned me against falling in love with her from the start and that I was a bad player so she was not going to waste time by spending it on a "bad player". She said her biggest mistake was to start with me.

This was very similar to my XW, forgetting all the good times, becoming a whole different person.. I saw the same signs, so I knew that it was pointless arguing with her anymore. I think this is the end of the friendship as well, however little that was worth.

I'm still angry, but also calm at the same time. Because now there's no more wondering if there is a chance we can get back together, no more wondering at what could have been. She is indeed, a first class [censored].

Toss it up to "Live and Learn". Now don't make the same mistake pursuing someone like her.

I would suggest try something new - learn something new - find a class, take up a hobby - something like that. Challenge yourself.

Gg

Yeah.. I need to move on. Hard cos I see her at work every day, and do occasionally need to deal with her too, which I do on a professional capacity. No small talk, all business.

I wake up in the early mornings and can't get back to sleep cos I think about her. No matter what I do, I still toss and turn, unable to get back to sleep. Its crazy, how does one deal with this? =(

Very normal. Nothing you can do but give it time. But look at the bright side, you are now healing with every day that goes by, instead of constatly picking at the scab. Unless you start interacting with her again, then the scab will come right back off again .

AGG

It took me years to learn how to be a man again after a heinous divorce... that victim syndrome sucks. AGG spent eight years working on it. I'm on my third year. And I have no idea when ure XW left but it sounds like you still got a LONG time to go.

Your manhood will return again someday, believe me!

Haha.. thanks.. XY left 3 years ago. You're absolutely right, and it sucks being so 'weak'. "[censored]-whipped" my friends call it

I dunno though. I do see that I've allowed her to do and say things to me that have severely pissed me off, but I've swallowed my anger so as not to antagonize her and to lose her in the past. If I were to say the same to her, she would immediately tell me, "if you don't like it, then too bad, you're free to leave anytime". And 9 times out of 10, I would just keep quiet about it. That was the losing my manhood part, definitely.

I guess after my divorce I was lonely, didn't find it easy to get dates. Along comes this beautiful woman, and I guess I was just about ready to do anything to keep/retain her.

Pathetic? You bet.

Don't be so hard on yourself, many of us have been there. Many a night, alone, I wished to be with a nice woman.

Just remember: it's better to be alone than to wish you were alone while trying to get your arm out during post-coital snuggle with a woman like you described!

I dated a woman like yours recently. She was dating multiple guys, had no interest in marriage, and basically would let me take her out, basically would take everything and never give. I always felt like a member of her harem.

It's not exactly like your situation but the point is she wasn't what I wanted in a partner... so I just stopped talking to her. She contacts me sometimes and I just kinda blow her off, ya know? It's empowering, try it.

Hi charliethree

Yup, I think the sadest part for me is that I'm learning to play these 'games'. She has been trying (as AGG predicted) to get back in touch in very subtle ways, and I've been giving her indifferent answers.

Yup, very predictable indeed . People like her like to have the control, and if they sense they lost it, they try to make some overtures or even try "what are you all upset about? Why are you blowing it out of proportion?". The minute you get hooked again, you'll get the cold shoulder.

Remember, it takes two to play the game, but only one to stop it .

AGG

What you are going thorugh his so hard, but if you detox from this horrible woman, in the end I think you'll find the reward of a beautiful, loving woman, whom you are very attracted to but vice versa as well. This woman doesn't deserve your love...

Also, I would like to point out to you something, you probably know this but sometimes it is good to see it from someone else. When you siad this, "I replied that I wasn't, but that I found it hard to believe that after all we've been through together, she was willing to throw everything away." That is almost word for word what my friend told me a guy told her once, and she said this to me, "What the guy doesn't understand and won't let go of is that while he may be throwing away a lot, I, on the other hand, am not throwing anything away because I wasn't in love...I didn't share the same feelings he did and even though he may think I did because it was a nice time for me and lots of passion, etc, more and more time goes by, the feelings weren't there." She broke it off with him because once she saw what she was doing, she didn't want to hurt him, and she wanted him to move on, because she said, "He deserves to have someone love him like he loves me."

This woman though, she's different, she wants control like AGG says, and every time she thinks you are getting away from her, she'll reel you back in if she needs too...A very selfish person.