My situation has gotten really uncomfortable and I'm considering filing for D myself, sooner rather than later. My WH is an alcoholic, and due to my health issues is living in our marital home, and taking care of our horses. I would rather be there, but I can't handle it by myself. He's not sleeping there, I discovered, and he's taken over $500 from our joint accounts in ATM withdrawls that it looks like he tried to hide and be sneaky about.
I'm not bringing in hardly any money, and I applied for SSD about 14 months ago and am still awaiting a hearing. I used to be our primary wage earner for most of the 17 years of our marriage!
I'm living in my grandparent's basement, mooching off them, because I don't hardly have a penny in my pocket... just nursing along my last account for the commission and living off that... if you can call it living.
Looks to me like he's piddled away more money in the last 3 weeks than I'm LIVING on, and I'm angry and frustrated.
WH is the one that ended the relationship, after a nasty EA that got "kinda physical"... not sure how physical because of his "trickle truth." He's waffled for the last year, and this is his 3rd abandonment. He's unwilling to work on the M, or get any kind of treatment.

I think I just gotta file. I talked to a lawyer today that said since we have no kids I could file myself... the fees are under $250 and get the ball rolling. Getting an order for support and to make him aware he HAS to take care of the bills, etc.

How do you know what to ask for? I don't want to scr*w him over, but he's piddling away everything I worked for (when I was healthy enough to work for it!) and I'm desperately trying to get healthy enough to get back to work, but this is CONSUMING me. My disability hearing probably won't happen for another year.

Our counselor... started out as a joint counselor, but has moved to IC... has told me WH has reverted back to the mental age of a 14 year old, and is obsessed with his new nightclubbing hobby and trying to get some skanky action. WH left because he "underestimated his need for freedom" etc etc and is still DEEP in the fog.

I need to protect myself. What should I do?

I could not tell you exactly what to ask for in your circumstances. It depends on what property (house, land, cars) is owned, and was it acquired before marriage or after. It depends on what bills and expenses are present (mortgage, insurance), and it also depends on who has the most income.

At the very least, even before you manage to locate a lawyer, you could close down any joint bank accounts and credit cards. This would help prevent your husband from frittering all of the money away instead of using it for bill payments, etc.

Check with your local Family Court office; you may be able to get an attorney through a legal fund for low income persons.

Alimony is one thing definitely to consider. You sure as heck don't want to wind up paying HIM alimony! Hopefully, since you've been the main wager earner, but now you have lost that income, a lawyer may be able to get alimony for you. Even if your husband is not working now, that does not protect him from having a judgment to pay alimony, with the expectation that he will get a job so as to comply with this judgment, or face contempt of court.

Please do try to see if you can get the services of a lawyer. It may save you a lot of pain in the long run. Good luck!

Can you close/divide up the accounts now? Yes, it looks like you should file in order to prevent any more losses. I am sorry.

He's an unrepentant WS... Ask for everything. Maybe he'll feel guilty (sorry, not very familiar with your story), and want to get out quickly?

What specifically are you worried about? What he thinks? Making him mad/madder? Public opinion?


I'm worried that you're worried about this.
Arent you mad, yet?

It sounds like you will NEED the financial support. ASK for everything you need! And since he's the unrepentant WS, I'd ask for everything I wanted, too. ASK, meaning, request in the divorce documents, not him.

If he's acting like a bully, get a male relative to help you.
Do you have someone that can help you evaluate the assets?

This is hard, dont let him steal your future.