Unbelievable. Any activity that is hidden from a spouse because its knowledge would hurt is deceit. Deceit is the twin of cheating.

I need ot let ya'll know that steve and I spent a LOT of time on the chracter flaw the absolute inability to understand why I'm upset. But, he did say my conditions for safety are irrelevent because of the fact that myhusband doesn't UNDERSTAND what he's done wring.

5 conditions:

Wear wedding ring
No contact letter with OW
Open everything to me on pager
Get a different job (transfer in the interim)
speak with respect--mad you're mad go smoke

Clearly the fact he keeps saying demands helps me know I would have lost him. I WILL lose him if he doesn't UNDERSTAND/EMpathize with my pain... That only occurs with a belief systems change and a "EURKA! moment of "OMG I messed up SO BAD!!"

I dunno if OW is scared, but she'd better be!!!! I'm a STUBBORN AS H*LL-SOUTHERN BELLE

Hi Plexie,

Correction - you won't lose him. HE will lose you.

TM

Absolutely correct! I have an affirmation posted on my wall right in front of my computer. It was written by one of the many wonderful people here in a post. I wonder if some people know how sometimes their words can be life-changers?

*microphone feedback*

Testing, 1,2,3, Err, I just wanted to say that I stand corrected before my friends here in SAA.

He would lose me.

*bows*

Plexie, when is your next session with Steve? I am very alarmed that your H is still contacting the OW. You can handle about 3 weeks of that before you start to crumble. That is abuse of the worst kind.

I was also wondering if you could email Steve to let him know this is going on and they are planning to meet, maybe forward him the messages? I find it hard to believe that Steve didn't tell your WH that he can't pursue a relationship with OW. Or maybe Steve doesn't realize there is not NC in place?

Maybe something got lost in the translation with the interpreter.

I already did forward everything as I posted to ya'll last night (same time). Including the chat I found--from D-day. (which Susie and Fainne have both read) I asked Doc H for next steps, as I told him we will only see him, I want to know when our next appt should be and offered 2 possibilities, Friday and Monday... So, right now, Doc H has all of the evidence, the d-day chat, the convo from last night, from beginning to end everything H said.

I am waiting to hear back.

You're SO RIGHT Melody I can't maintain being abused. I am reluctant to get anti-depressants because I am on Birth Control pills and afraid I will not be 'myself'... Perhaps I should re-evaluate that decision??? I also asked Doc H about it... ML, Susie, should I get the anti-depressants?

Looking back on the 2 fwd's I sent you Susie, Fainne, I can see more clearly why he doesn't think he is wrong and and she is innocent...

The goal is for him to SEE my perspective and FEEL my pain.

In the interim, Basic Concepts, support from all of you, spiffing myself up, becoming engaging and attractive to talk to, giving him nothing to negate me with OW (sparked the whole relationship because OW first spoke with H about HER marriage issues so he replied in kind).


BIG QUESTION for the day: SHOULD I SUCK IT UP AND APOLOGIZE TO OW? I may not mean it but should probably arrange for H to witness it...and try to be sincere. It will give them less negative ammunition to speak of me as his wife...and our marriage shouldn't have issues... They will run out of 'ammunition' to fling at me. Their relationship would go thru a serious dynamic shift, I will begin to be the person he talks with more and there will be nothing to report to her negatively.

I know I shouldn't apologize too soon or he will suspect I have spied on him somehow. So I was THINKING I should start just dialoguing with him about "how wrong it was to think OW is a bad girl." And pose the question to H "what should I do about that?" And go from there... Maybe he will suggest apologizing, to test me, then I agree to do it, it should IMPRESS HIM that I'm thinking of apologizing or feeling like I did something wrong to her, and in essence, decrease the 'fodder' between them, as people always grow closer when they're negating someone else.

Uh. No. You don't owe OW anything. (Am I missing something?)

For what?

Yay I found the emoticons!!

TY

That�s the kind of pop-psychology babble-thinking that can really screw things up. Follow the plan given you from Harley. Don't start drawing up plays in the sand.




No.

You want OW out of your lives for good as soon as possible.

Yeah I agree . Wait for a response from Dr H and I am really amazed in how callous WH was in letters.

BTW get ahold of Flexispy and see if they can fix the incoming mails thing. If not call sprint and when Sprint comes thru for you get your $ back from Flex. Make sure Sprint comes thru tho first k?

Apologize for the exposure she did last Wednesday night... Plexle and I were discussing this, because this is the one negative thing about Plexle that OW seems to be bringing up constantly with WH, and he keeps agreeing with OW that Plexle was in the wrong because he actually believes that she is and that he and OW have done nothing wrong.

So if Plexle apologized so to speak (though she would not mean it, of course), and OW keeps carping on it, Plexle would look better and OW would look worse in WH's eyes.

We were discussing that Plexle should do a plan A of sorts, so to speak - look attractive, have the house shining, etc. so to draw WH closer to her and further away from OW.

The plan that Harley gave her was to spend time with WH and have fun with WH. Should Plexle just completely forget about apologizing to OW and Plan A? She is still waiting to hear from Harley...

Thanks, Fainne. I wasn't clear with my post about not meaning the apologize, just to lessen the negative talk about me/marriage so they relationship between them would change...

Now that I have a moment of downtime, I'm really starting to wonder about Doc H and Melody.

What do you mean by this?

This strikes me as circular logic. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. In short, I'm reading OW and WH are disagreeing on things that Plexle is and does.

WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT OW AND WH THINK??? OW is sub-human and WH is an alien in H's body. The only thing that is important right now is PLAN A. Be the best "giver" to WH while all the time knocking the sh*t out of the A. That's ALL that matters at this point.

I could not apologize to OW even if my M depended on it.

Do you all understand that this is not your standard affair?

We all KNOW THIS IS AN AFFAIR.

But her H DOES NOT THINK IT IS.

So you cannot really go by the book on this...

Hello?