Holly,<BR>I was reading some posts and saw your replies. You sound very much like my w and I sound like your h.<P>There ws nothing on your bio. Are you working on your marriage ?<P>How was your husband able to meet your needs for communication and affection if he was poor at it before(like me).<P>Look forward to your reply!

I am working on my marriage...although we are not attending counseling or anything.<P>I don't know if my husband is meeting my needs for communication and affection any more than he used to. The thing is that my needs for communication and affection (especially affection) were so hightened after I had my affair. I wanted the affection that the OM gave me from my husband...but, that wasn't realistic. I guess it sounds like I'm accepting the fact that I will never get that affection from my husband...in a way I am.<P>I suppose the reason the OM gave me so much affection was because I gave it unconditionally to him as well. That's something I haven't done for my husband in a long time...you get what you give.<P>It's so hard for me to give affection after years of love-busting and hurful words...it just doesn't come as naturally anymore.<P>I guess the key is (in my situation anyway) to stop love-busting and the affection will come authentically. My husband and I tend to be very verbally abusive to one another at the drop of a hat.<P>So, even though the communication and affection needs aren't being totally met I have hope for the future because we're learning not to love-bust as much. It shows each other that we care...that's what I really want.

Holly,<P>I am glad to hear that things are getting better for you. I hope that you can get to the point where giving is something you can do. As I said, in the post to Maya, I do think that you will be amazed at the response you feel in yourself. <P>Getting rid of the LB's is a really good first step. Are you the only one working on this or is your H also working at this? <P>God Bless You

Just Learning--<P>I think my husband is trying to avoid the lovebusters as well. We actually had a really great weekend...I even had feelings for him at one point....WOW! We were on a plane and he put his head on my shoulder...I actually felt loved!