I think you are right that it is probably intended as a way to get the BS to love/respect themselves more. Many times it is said by people who are telling you that you don't deserve to be treated this way and that you shouldn't forgive the betrayal. You should move on and if you loved yourself more than you wouldn't let someone treat you like this.

Many BS that are willing to work it out tend to be looked down on in the real world. Many people think that if you want to work on your M and R after an A that you must be WEAK. There are a VERY few people who listen to what I say about MB concepts and principles and then they say that I am really STRONG. We all know here that R after an A is one of the hardest things someone would ever have to go through in their entire life. It isn't a sign of weakness. I HOPE I get my chance.

Another one that I love is the "His/Her loss." when the people don't even know me. I mean, how do they know I am not a crazy psycho and maybe WH IS better off. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Frankly, that statement makes me cringe. It is something that waywards tell themselves to justify their affair. It is also something I heard from my enablers during my affair.

Do I deserve romantic love?? I don't know. I do deserve respect and peace in my home. At least I think I do as long as I am willing to do my part to maintain peace and to be respectable.

But romantic love? To everything there is a season, I think it is not my season to have romantic love.

I didn't expect my wayward spouse to feel romantic love for me during his affair. I did think I deserved some respect and peace.

JMO

I DESERVE vindication.

Love is meaningless to me.

I just looked up "deserve" and it says "to be worthy of".

Yes, I am worthy of romantic love because I am loveable . The word deserve just sounds like a three year old.

Interesting. Yes, it is ww-speak, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.

DESERVE to be loved? That kind of infers that it's a right. "Gosh darn it, I am decent person so where's MY love?"

Sorry but I just don't roll that way. To be loved is a privilige. An honor. A gift. We don't do x, and y, and then z, and then say, "Okay, I've EARNED love."

I ASPIRE to be loved. Do I "deserve better"? Does it really matter? If I feel like I deserve better, then it's my responsibility to make things better FOR ME. It is my choice to seek "better" or to settle for whatever crumbs I'm being given.

I choose not to settle. I choose to decide what I "deserve" and then take action to reach it. To obtain it.

Hope that makes sense. Sometimes I go too stream-of-consciousness......

TB

I deserve a break today...

So go to McDonald's!

You deserve to be happy...

You deserve to be loved...

As opposed to:

You don't deserve this crap you've been dealt.

Momma loves you just the way you are... (maybe)

God loves you just like you are...

But He loves you too much to let you stay just like you are.

Considering that the word love around here implies a feeling of romantic & passionate love for someone, We don't even earn that. It is provided for us by the one we love. But if we meet ENs, avoid Love Busters and still aren't loved then maybe we aren't going to be loved by that person.

I find that many don't always get what they deserve. In most cases they should be thankful...

Was that cynical or what?

Mark

I think it's a WS's way of presenting themselves to their BS as inferior goods, therefore the spouse shouldn't want them, since the spouse is "superior" to the WS. When a WS says that, I think what they really mean to say is something like this:

"I'm going to pretend I'm not good enough for you, therefore you should not feel sorry or be upset when I leave. If you're sorry or upset, I'll feel bad, and I don't like to feel bad, so let's avoid that by all means, shall we? Of course we know that I'm MORE than good enough - I'm so wonderful that most mates would pale in comparison to me. That's what my OP says ALL the time, and she/he should know! But let's pretend that my betrayal of you and our M and my departure to be with the OP is simply my acknowledgement of your right to have a more superior person in your life. Aren't I just so self-sacrificing and understanding? What do you mean, you don't agree? You HAVE to agree that I'm inferior! I'll feel guilty if you don't, and it's all about ME, here!..."

I prefer the Rolling Stones take:

"You can't always get what you want..but if you try, sometimes, you just might find...you get what you need."

When I hear people say that I DESERVE the happiness I have now, I always wonder if what isn't being said is..."because you've endured so much from your false recoveries and failed marital recovery with the Z".

I don't agree. It actually makes me cringe a little when I hear people say "you deserve...(fill in the blanks)".

I believe in putting forth the effort required to get what I need and want. I have no idea if I DESERVE whatever IT is.

Am I worthy of love. Sure, I believe I am, mostly because I GIVE it.

Ooohhh....that! My bad. Okay, I'll swing again...

I think it's a simple shout-out of encouragement to a hurting person you're sort of considering 'familia.' We don't know each other in person, of course. Maybe if we did we wouldn't be so quick to support some of the people on here. But with our limited knowledge of each other, we DO know when someone is hurting and we're inclined to be in their corner, since they're here with us in ours.

Oooooooh....der dee der

I agree with maritalbliss. I believe my amigos are just trying to show that they understand what I am going thru.

Thanks to a merciful God, we don't all get what we deserve.

Well, I guess, I won't be using that particular phrase anymore.......


When I say it, I am only intending encouragement. Most BS self-esteem hits the tank after d-day and other processes in the divorce or personal recovery and they think they DESERVE to be treated like garbage to be left behind - or controlling - or manipulative - or all the other things the waywards decide we are.

My intent is to remind them that they ARE IMPORTANT, too, and that no matter what a wayward throws at them, it is NOT because they were such horrible spouses, people, parents, etc, etc........

Sometimes you get beat down - and you need to be reminded that you did not EARN this treatment!

I think we blow little things like this way out of proportion - I'm not God, I don't KNOW what people TRULY DESERVE.

I'm simply telling them that they are okay and important, too.

I guess I'll have to watch my words more carefully so that I am not deemed ENTITLED or have WAYWARD thinking....