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Its not a prediction. I wish you all the best, but your story is not yet written. I hope your husband's best friend doesn't have a bachelor party at a sports bar or he is gonna be real embarrased w/ Mrs Shackles shooting pool w/ all the boys. Does he take you to his fantasy football drafts as well? That is totally CRAZY and not any marriage MOST people would want, I'm sorry. I know you screwed up and have done marvelous studying/recovering, but that is INSANE to not let your spouse have some time alone. CRAZY SHEET! DUDE Unlikely, we are 40 and 42...Drunken, stripper-infested, bachelor/bachelorette parties are a thing of the past! [THANK GOD!] The last one he went to though, was after our daughter was born [and pre-affair as a matter of fact] - he came home feeling VERY CREEPY as he couldn't shake knowing that those strippers were someone's little girls... He doesn't do fantasy football...*shrug* There is no "letting your spouse", Dude...Neither of us are the other's parent! We both make choices that support and serve our marriage, and we dig it... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Give Dude a few more years of MB under his belt and he may GET it... or not.  P.S. Dude, have you even read Dr. Harley's books?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Its great to do things as a couple, but most healthy mariages can allow for some independent time. I think that is wonderful and that is healthy. You can read on here in about five minutes of all the BS on here who have resentment. I can't beleive you think I'm "inferring" it. Thats wayward talk if I ever heard it. DUDE I have never since the day i got married thought that my M should allow for independent behavior....... Football games, golfing, car wash, best friends bachelor party, barber shop? Wow, you must have a lot of time on your hands??! WTF That ain't a marriage. That is SHACKLES...DUDE We go to football and baseball games together, we are each other's best friend so i don't imagine either of us is having a bachelor party, he has gone golfing a few times by himself (which is not a big deal, i go shopping by myself), we go to the grocery store together and the car wash and the bank and just about everywhere we go we go together and it is by CHOICE, we both WANT to be with the other one while doing our recreation. And we all (including our kids) LOVE to camp and hike and fish and do anything outdoors, but we do it together......
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Mrs. W., I think for a newly betrayed BS, or one who is still in the process of dissolving their marriage and lifestyle as Fred is, they don't really care if the adulterer is repentent or not. The adulterer is simply disgusting. I felt like this for a long time. Now I don't care so much because I realize they can't hurt me at all and there are too many to avoid altogether. There is no way I would put myself in a position where a known adulterer, repentant or otherwise, could hurt me again. I work with them, ride the bus with them and probably pay them to service my car or fix my house. But I won't form a relationship with one - not even a friendship. They aren't my enemies or anything, I just won't allow them to get close enough to me. It's a self defense mechanism, not a religious principal. That is certainly your choice, Tabby. It seems an odd one for a recovering alcoholic to make though [which is why I asked Fred] - an active alcoholic is a raging wayward after all - affair or not... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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So you would refrain from being friends w/ MRS W the MB posterchild if you met her in person and she told you she committed adultery? DUDE I'm not saying I would be disrespectful or unfriendly with her. In fact, I do respect her for many reasons. But she and I will never chat on the phone exchanging recipes, giving each other fashion tips or sharing personal feelings. I mean no offense at all, Mrs. W., it has just become something very important to me among people I feel close to. I dropped a friend who was a known adulterer. It wasn't ugly or anything - she was likely as uncomfortable with me as I was with her and we drifted apart. We still wind up at the same baby showers and other events and are cordial but the "intimate" part of our relationship is gone.
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Regardlees of the guy's repentance, at this stage of Fred's recovery, I think it is not a bad idea to avoid former cheaters. There is an urge to launch into them.
My housemate is a decent guy who cheated on his wife and kids and paid the divorce price. Initially, it was hard not to argue with him about what he had done. He is in denial and sees it as no big deal. Tell him that when she Divorced him it was not big deal...DUDE Probably not a good idea. He was the US kickboxing champ for about 5 years. He is pretty hobbled , though, and I am sure I can outrun him.
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Regardlees of the guy's repentance, at this stage of Fred's recovery, I think it is not a bad idea to avoid former cheaters. There is an urge to launch into them.
My housemate is a decent guy who cheated on his wife and kids and paid the divorce price. Initially, it was hard not to argue with him about what he had done. He is in denial and sees it as no big deal. Well yeah, Zelmo, that pretty much screams NOT REPENTANT, yanno? There is a VAST difference between a truly repentant FWS and a WS - it sounds to me like your housemate is still WAYWARD - regardless if he is having an affair or not...Wayward is a mindset... A repentant FWS wouldn't give you a reason to want to "launch into them"...They will AGREE with you about how terrible they were...They are more acutely aware of how bad they were than anyone else... Mrs. W Yeah, he is. He just returned from a vacation where he cheated on his current girlfriend. It is depressing. She is a really nice woman. I am moving out in a couple months.
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So you would refrain from being friends w/ MRS W the MB posterchild if you met her in person and she told you she committed adultery? DUDE I'm not saying I would be disrespectful or unfriendly with her. In fact, I do respect her for many reasons. But she and I will never chat on the phone exchanging recipes, giving each other fashion tips or sharing personal feelings. I mean no offense at all, Mrs. W., it has just become something very important to me among people I feel close to. I dropped a friend who was a known adulterer. It wasn't ugly or anything - she was likely as uncomfortable with me as I was with her and we drifted apart. We still wind up at the same baby showers and other events and are cordial but the "intimate" part of our relationship is gone. So this would just be another consequence of being a (f)WS. YUK! DUDE
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Give Dude a few more years of MB under his belt and he may GET it... or not. P.S. Dude, have you even read Dr. Harley's books? Yeah, I guess I got lazy and skipped the YOUR LIFE IS OVER CUZ YOUR MARRIED W/ TO A PRE-DISPOSED ADULTERER AND YOU NEED TO TAKE EVERY STEP W/ THEM CHAPTER! I'm out on that..DUDE
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Regardlees of the guy's repentance, at this stage of Fred's recovery, I think it is not a bad idea to avoid former cheaters. There is an urge to launch into them.
My housemate is a decent guy who cheated on his wife and kids and paid the divorce price. Initially, it was hard not to argue with him about what he had done. He is in denial and sees it as no big deal. Well yeah, Zelmo, that pretty much screams NOT REPENTANT, yanno? There is a VAST difference between a truly repentant FWS and a WS - it sounds to me like your housemate is still WAYWARD - regardless if he is having an affair or not...Wayward is a mindset... A repentant FWS wouldn't give you a reason to want to "launch into them"...They will AGREE with you about how terrible they were...They are more acutely aware of how bad they were than anyone else... Mrs. W Yeah, he is. He just returned from a vacation where he cheated on his current girlfriend. It is depressing. She is a really nice woman. I am moving out in a couple months. Ugh Zelmo! That has to be a terribly hard environment for you to live in! I am sorry, and I am very glad that you will be moving and will get relief! Mrs. W P.S. No worries, Tabby...As I said, that is certainly your choice...
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Do you consider yourself a (F) WS, Dude?
Or just an ordinary WS?
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Lexxxy has had some great questions to you on this thread, Dude...Your answers would be interesting...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Do you consider yourself a (F) WS, Dude?
Or just an ordinary WS? This question is coming from someone w/ XXX in their screen name? And she is asking me if I'm a skanky wayward? DUDE
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Do you consider yourself a (F) WS, Dude?
Or just an ordinary WS? This question is coming from someone w/ XXX in their screen name? And she is asking me if I'm a skanky wayward? DUDE Says the poster with the moniker "Dude007"...*snicker* Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Do you consider yourself a (F) WS, Dude?
Or just an ordinary WS? This question is coming from someone w/ XXX in their screen name? And she is asking me if I'm a skanky wayward? DUDE Says the poster with the moniker "Dude007"...*snicker* Mrs. W How bout I get fwxw and you get hubby and we all got the MB weekend the same time? Drinks are on me...DUDE
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I'm not saying I would be disrespectful or unfriendly with her. In fact, I do respect her for many reasons. But she and I will never chat on the phone exchanging recipes, giving each other fashion tips or sharing personal feelings. I mean no offense at all, Mrs. W., it has just become something very important to me among people I feel close to. I dropped a friend who was a known adulterer. Tabby, there is a world of difference between a cheater and a repentant FORMER cheater. I agree I wouldn't have a cheater for a friend and even dumped a girlfriend for that very reason. But MrsW is a FORMER cheater. And she is my FRIEND. She has more integrity and character than most people I know. She is aware of her weaknesses and shortcomings and has diligently taken steps to close that gap. Do you avoid anyone who is not PERFECT? Because we all have our shortcomings. There is no such thing as a perfect person. It isn't perfection that qualifies a persons character, but how they HANDLE that imperfection. And MRsW is a TOP NOTCH character that I am PROUD to know and count as my friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How bout I get fwxw and you get hubby and we all got the MB weekend the same time? Drinks are on me...DUDE She and her H already WENT with me and my husband!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Presumably, you have forgotten Zelmo, Mel.
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Presumably, you have forgotten Zelmo, Mel. shaddup, Zelmo! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not saying I would be disrespectful or unfriendly with her. In fact, I do respect her for many reasons. But she and I will never chat on the phone exchanging recipes, giving each other fashion tips or sharing personal feelings. I mean no offense at all, Mrs. W., it has just become something very important to me among people I feel close to. I dropped a friend who was a known adulterer. Tabby, there is a world of difference between a cheater and a repentant FORMER cheater. I agree I wouldn't have a cheater for a friend and even dumped a girlfriend for that very reason. But MrsW is a FORMER cheater. And she is my FRIEND. She has more integrity and character than most people I know. She is aware of her weaknesses and shortcomings and has diligently taken steps to close that gap. Do you avoid anyone who is not PERFECT? Because we all have our shortcomings. There is no such thing as a perfect person. It isn't perfection that qualifies a persons character, but how they HANDLE that imperfection. And MRsW is a TOP NOTCH character that I am PROUD to know and count as my friend.  Thank you, Mel...I can't tell you what that means to me... I'm very lucky to count you as a dear friend! Mrs. W P.S. Dude, it'd be fun, but we've already been to the MB weekend...In all seriousness, if you plan to continue seeing your ex-wife going to an MB weekend is an EXCELLENT thing to do...Consider it a gift to your children...
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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