SBE, just take whatever action you need to protect your family financially because if it is up to the waywards they would do as little as possible.

If you don't want the D just take action on the finances and then be silent and wait. I told my atty I was standing for my M and she did every delay tactic possible.

Now what was the cost of the lazer face?? Wondering if I could fit it into my budget.

Okay lets see if I can answer everything.
Yes I filed for legal seperation the day he left so anything he does after that date is not my responsibily financially.
I have filed for divorce and am kinda in a holding pattern because I still love him with all my heart and his kids need him to man up and be a dad with or without the marriage, but I am hoping with.
At this point in time he has signed the house over to me completly and is giving me twice the amount the courts say he has to plus paying auto insurance and cell phones.
The lazer was about $1800 and I would say worth it totally.

Financially you are in a strong position. I wouldn't rock the boat, so to speak, if I didn't have to. My WH got furious at the first meeting with attorneys, cut me off the credit cards, cut me off the cell phone bill, cut me and the kids off the auto insurance policy, and turned very, very mean. He hadn't complained about paying for everything until that point.

Oh -- and OW is still very in the picture since he lives with her. Her influence has corrupted him.

If you are still holding out for him and still love him then keep doing what you are doing ESPECIALLY if there is no OW whispering in his ear.

My WH stays away from the kids, too, and away from his own family and mutual friends. He's got big issues.

I remember reading here that you have the rest of your life to get divorced. Why push it unless you have to or want to.

So, if you are not pushing for D and already have a legal seperation in place, what is the reason/need for subpoena and collection of his records/computer?

WEll I am very unsure what to do at this point and am praying the holidays will have some affect on one of us. Either I will be so mad that he sat at home alone drinking that I throw in the towel or he desides to get off his butt and talks to me.
I did sent him a plan b letter, it was musher than it should have been but basically I told him all the right things.
Now about the lawyer thing... When we went to court in the summer with my expensive stupid worthless lawyer who is still trying to get money out of me for things she didn't do, I was very upset and I called my dads friend who is an excelent lawyer represents stars and such and I could never afford him, but I wanted to know if I should get a new lawyer, hang with the one I have and how bad this was going to be for me.
He called the next day and said" BE you are my family and I loved your dad so much, you know he walked my wife down the isle at our wedding and gave her to me, I have missed him and I want you and your mon to come to my house and visit with the wife ad kids andI will take your case for free.
Mom and I went to his house and they treated us like family, he looked at all my papers and said you will be fine, but you have to let me handle this and never take him back.
Months went by and nothing happened and now I get a copy of the suppena they sent to my wh for Jan 8th.

SBE, does this holding pattern have a date in your heart? If not, that's ok, because mine didn't for a VERY LONG time. And even when the date was in my mind, it was FAR OUT THERE.

Are you prepared to honor this?

In my sitch, it seemed like my lawyer was the one pushing to finalize things and I just stayed hidden and didn't respond. I didn't want my D, and I didn't want people to push me into it, but I didn't have the courage to tell them that either.

It seems that many people who have not experienced the grief and pain caused by one's spouse having an A automatically jump into the "dump the !%$*#" mode. They don't seem to believe or understand that the BS might still love the WS.

My daughter, who has been my rock during this time, is one of them. She has issues with WS anyway, but she is so against a possible R that she's told me I haven't seen anger yet, if I take back WW.

This causes a lot of internal conflict, and is perhaps one reason I have such a short fuse for making the "D"ecision.

Later today, after I've finished my holiday decorating, I think I'll sit down and create a "Tee" chart. I do this for every major decision in my life: change jobs, move, buy a new home, etc.

A tee chart is just two columns: Pros and Cons. As non-judgmental as I can, I just list them out. The result usually shows more in one column than the other. I find it very helpful.

Perhaps I'll post the results in my own thread.

I'm a fan of pro/con charts.

Me too....

Well yesterday was my day off and I was supposed to have luch with a girlfriend and she wasn't answering her phone, so I had a little time on my hands and for some reason I looked up the women my husband was having his ea with, the one who lives in washington and he says is just a friend.
She is living at the same address as hi, hmmmm oh well that was it I give.
I have been in a good plan b for 6 months and thats probably about when she got here.
You know I don't get it, I understand fog and all that, but to lie to someone you were married to for 25 years, to not give me any resect at all and to live with someone before the d is even started. Put a fork in me I am done.
I have for a year, tommorrow is a year, stood up for my marriage, believing in true love and that he will miss his family and become the man I once knew to me and his boys, and now she can have him,

brown i do not know your story but i am sorry for your pain.....

I'm sorry, but I'm glad you found out. You need that so you can move on and find someone who WILL cherish you, instead of use you.

SBE--We have been telling you this for a year now. This MAY sound callous, but, do what you say--let her have him now. You have seen that he can not/will not be honest with you.

Proceed with the D and find someone who does appreciate/respect you.
He is NEVER going to be honest with you...I'm sorry