SexyMamaBear.

I put it in the Notables thread.

Of course! Thanks, Pep. I was just getting ready to go over there to see if it was posted.

Anyone on this board who maintains that they have never shared or discussed common interests with a member of the opposite sex is lying. You are here, on this board, sharing and discussing a common interest (surviving an affair) with member of both sexes - including those that are opposite to whatever you are!!!!

The whole bit in quotes, eg. "We just had so much in common, it was uncanny." those are wayward justifications. They are given after the affair when they are looking back at the beginning - which this stage represents. This stage is happens ALL THE TIME whether you try to avoid it or not! Simple small talk at the check out counter can identify common interests!!!! Normal people just smile and carry on with what they were going to do next. Waywards continue down through these stages.

My first gut reaction to this thread - as a FWW - was nausea. Waaaay too familiar (sounded just like me four years ago). Gross.

As far as the common interest thing, I often ponder this. I mean, I remember working with males AT CHURCH in Vacatioin Bible School, etc. We talked about the VBS stuff of course. But one guy was also a teacher. Never had even a glimmer of interest AT ALL in him. But I wonder looking back, was it wrong? Should I not have worked with him and discussed our love of teaching and Monty Python? I don't really share a common interest with the PE teacher here, except the common interest in getting a kid to behave in class! But the 3rd grade teacher and I are from the same area, so we chat about it. Of course, he is gay, so I guess that is different. I just err on the side of caution now. Better safe than sorry.

Casting Crowns - a Christian music group, recorded a song Called "Slow Fade." I think the refrain is appropriate:

It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when block and white is turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid when you give yourself away
Peopl never crumble in a day.
It's a slow fade.

How do you walk from light to darkness? One step at a time

Okay, I am lying. I am a participant here, so I have taken step 1.

I think that when you broaden the original concept so widely as to include discussing common interests, and when you broaden that so widely that you include publicly-observed discussion such as on a discussion board, you lose the value of the original article.

The original article did not say "discussing" common interests - at least not the past that Pep quoted. It said "sharing" common interests. What did "sharing" mean to that writer?

The quotes that supported the example showed that a degree of conversational intimacy had been reached between the parties. It seemed to me more than saying to somebody at work that you were going to California for your holidays, and having them say that they had gone there too. That's nice; you'll love California. Make sure you visit San Diego Zoo - the kids will love it. You have a good time in France too. Bye.

If having had this level of conversation is what is meant by step 1, then I have taken step 1.

Step 1 seems to be a consequence of living in a a non gender-segregated society. My Muslim women friends do not have the slightest of conversations with men without other parties present, ever. Even when doing their professional work, they are never alone with a man. This means never closing the office door and as a GP, always having a nurse or the patient's friend (or husband or parent) present, or only treating same-sex patients.

I don't live like that, so yes, I have taken step 1.

Maybe it�s the word �breeched� that is offering the different perspectives.

noun
1. the act or a result of breaking; break or rupture.
2. an infraction or violation, as of a law, trust, faith, or promise.
3. a gap made in a wall, fortification, line of soldiers, etc.; rift; fissure.
4. a severance of friendly relations.
5. the leap of a whale above the surface of the water.



It�s one thing to stand outside the Castle Opposite Sex talking to those on the parapets (or flinging insults and cows) and another to bring up the cannons, blow open a breech and lead the assault. The British called the first wave of soldiers into the breech the �forlorn hope�. There�s a nice analogy to adultery.

Oh, and if the occupants of Castle Opposite Sex lower the draw bridge and lift the Portcullis it�s likely a trap.

When I first read these steps at our MC about ten days after D-day I was gob-smacked. I couldn't believe that those steps, exactly what happened with me, were so ordinary and non-unique. I'd always thought my A (before MB) was the result of some fate driven force and "out of my control".

You may call steps 1, 2 and 3 wayward excuses but, hindsight is 20/20. When you're naive, have never known anyone who's had an A, you just don't see the steps accruing. I know that sounds stupid and unbelievable (like, how on earth didn't you know what you were doing was wrong) it's how it happens.

For those who say they've never been near step 1, well, as pointed out, just being on this board is step 1. Why do you think there is no PM feature on MB? I also belonged to a board that has a PM feature and was told by MANY of the members that the PM's that went back and forth between BS's would make your hair curl. People are MORE vulnerable on a board such as this.

Oh, good grief.

Or perhaps, this nonsense highlights an important issue.

Not one of you knows who I really am. Not one of you knows what I look like. I've revealed that I live in the south of England, which narrows it down to about 20 million people. Not one of you has ever met me. I have never posted my photograph. I reveal as little as possible that would identify me. I have never met up with another MBer, and I have no intention of ever doing so, unless I could guarantee I would meet only members of the same sex. (And you can't be sure what sex I REALLY am.)


Do you think this is by accident?

Or do you think maybe I've been careful?


Which can do no damage to those MBers or to you unless you have real contact with the real people involved.

This is perhaps a good time to raise the issue of those get-togethers that MBers have in the US. Why, why, WHY do you take this risk, of having mixed-sex meetings of people with a dynamite issue in common?

Why do some of you post your photographs? Why do you contact each other off-board, where opposite sexes are involved?

Perhaps my extreme caution in not doing any of this, tells me something about why I never got to step #1.

TA

Ok, we believe you TA.

Interesting though that something you said to me once has stayed with me always (I think you're a she BTW). So you have made an impact whether you like it or not.

BTW you said my charm was my biggest flaw or something like that. It pulled me up really sharp. The fact that you'd seen right through me (yes, even on this totally anon message board) really made me take a look at myself.

random t/j

It�s one thing to stand outside the Castle Opposite Sex talking to those on the parapets (or flinging insults and cows)

What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


OK, back on track....
How do you walk from darkness to light?
On your knees, with humility, honesty, and a lifetime of loving the spouse who pulled you back in with open arms

Listen to your conscience? I guess that's assuming that you have one.......

TB

Now there's an idea for a thread. How much do you know about a named MBer?

TA, I know where you originate. I know what part of the South you live in now. I have a vague idea what jobs you have held. I know your family structure. I know that of your FOO. I think I know what your H does. I know your hair colour. I know your real hair colour!

Okay, I couldn't find you on Google, but does that freak you out enough?!

BTW, who are you calling weird?

This statement and your entire post are full of such truth, SC.

Thank you for reminding us that seemingly innocuous conversation with the opposite sex, even if it isn't "intimate" conversation about common interests - anything more than two minutes of chit-chat - is dangerous and in most cases improper.

When I suggested this on a thread last week, I was crucified by many (including you, unless my memory is wrong) as radical and extreme. It may ruin your reputation, and you may find a way to reword your post to distance yourself from me, but I'm glad to see you agree with me.

ottert, there is no need to rely on your memory. Please look up the thread (or use the "view posts" feature after clicking on my name) to check whether I said this. I have already done so, and I cannot find words by me that say anything about your suggestion being radical or extreme.

Please don't say that I said this unless you can prove it. It's not hard to check.