As I have painfully learned (again, I guess), "hindsight is 20/20."

You're doing GREAT, Fred....all things considered.

So what are your plans for the future? What're you cooking for dinner tonight? (It's all about the food)

Sorry for the long delay in replying KR. Dinner out tonight. It's Monday wings night. My sponsee and I (and anyone who wants to join us) go to a Buffalo Wings Factory restaurant after a meeting. It's $.49 wing night!

But no more Monday Night Football.

Fred,

Wow, what a story, what an experience you've had. ((((((Fred)))))

A night of wings (and bowling) with a brew, it just helps make the world go 'round!!!

I think you're such a good person!!! You're doing really well too IMO.

I'm glad you have been following my story--quality people at a quality turning point in our lives--coming together....WOW *goosebumps* I know it's cliche but doesn't everything happen for a reason and while its happening we don't see clearly "why??" it happened.... I have got to beleive God brought me to ya'll for a reason, granted the pain is unbearable but still....

(((((((FRED))))))

Thanks, Plexle. You know, I admire people like you and mfoss and others too numerous to name. You are the true "marriage warriors." What happened to me was in large part my fault, in that I didn't "connect the dots" until the picture had already been drawn.

People like you arrive early enough to "get it." The awesome people here jump to aid newcomers like us, put us the MB track, and then cajole, cheerlead, hug and comfort us during this most horrendous time. I got only the latter part, as too many decisions had been made (and I don't regret getting the Settlement Agreement early one bit!) before I got here. And, as I came to realize, the object of my affection was a leopard, who can never change her spots.

I do agree that God has a reason for everything. Do you want to know how to make God laugh? Tell him YOUR plans!

One thing that really amazes me is how people such as you can read another's story and just go, "you're such a good person!" All we know about each other is in the tale we tell. And because of its highly emotional nature, we get to know each other quicker than many IRL. It's nice to have people I've never met think I'm a good person. I have tried to be a good person. To a fault, at times. Leopards prey upon people like us.

Everyone here deserves a hug, Plexle. I say this is the worst club in the world that has some of the best people in it. Nobody deserves to be here, yet those who come are extraordinary people, one and all. I'm proud to consider like you my friends.

And YOU GO, GIRL!!! YOU'RE DOING WELL AND MAKING US PROUD OF YOU!

You're a doll!!! I mean that sincerely, and I am like *buddhist chanting* Zen-ism with you, every word, you've said above and blushing, of course at you go girl and thanks a million.
*cabbage patch dance*

Don't be so hard on yourself Fred. It's more important that the lesson is learned than how long it took you to learn it.

These disordered MFs are so adept at putting on the mask. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fred. Now you are wiser.

And older...

Well, what is the alternative? Like a fine wine, eh?

Fred, I am 56(almost). I am having the best time of my life. Health is good. Finances are getting better without disordered spouse screwing things up)My credit score when I married her was 800 plus. It wnet to about 500 due to her spending. It has risen 200 points in the three years since divorce.)

This is a very nice time of life. Job is stable. Kids are all doing okay. I can travel and play golf. Enjoy this and don't rush inot any relationships.

Zelmo, I had a biometric screening yesterday (reduces the cost of my health insurance $30/month). Every test taken resulted in me being in the prime state of health. Blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, BMI, glucose, etc.

My credit rating is 805. I have money in the bank. My retirement plan is gaining (as a result of having to face retirement alone, I've gotten more involved).

RealAge lists me as being 44!

I have moments of doubt and feelings of insecurity, but they pass. I went to Iceland and had a terrific time! I'm now planning on going to the annual benefit dinner for the Salvador Dal� Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida (I'm a paid member). It's a gala, black-tie event, with food created by one of the top chefs in the area, dining in the gallery surrounded by some of the artist's masterpieces. I took The Leopard once, but I've attended a number of times. I'm researching flights and hotels as I type this.

And I submitted a photo for the "rogue's gallery." We'll have to see about that one...

Fred, now you can live life without that nutbag bringinh you down.
I really cannot stand my XW. She is a miserable , [censored].

You're right, Zelmo. I find I'm happiest when I don't let her rent space in my head.

OK, folks. I have a question that needs some observant and savvy folks looking at, because truthfully, I'm still in no condition to think sanely and logically. Here's the sitch:

I received a message via Facebook today from another woman. I know this woman through the rooms. She has dated several guys but no one currently. I admit to finding her attractive, but since I've been a married man have given her no more than a friendly greeting whenever we've happened to meet. She is not a Facebook "friend" (which adds to the curiosity). Here's the message:

OK, I don't know what to make of this. Part of wants to read into this: "hey, she's interested in you -- maybe she's heard that you and The Leopard have split and thinks now she can express her interest." Another part of me says this is strictly innocent and coincidental.

I don't have a good sense for this. For the record, I am still married, even though the path is leading to the Big D a few months hence. So I don't want to do anything that would be rash and/or risky. On the other hand, I don't want to react as a gunshy BH.

Here's the reply I wrote:

Did I screw up? I'm inclined to just let this go, but I'm wondering what the good folks here think of this? Out of the blue just doesn't seem to work with me these days. Or am I just reading more into something completely random?

Seems fine to me. You are out of that marriage, IMO. But, go slow as heck.

I think you did fine. And I think you should go slow.

And I am SO jealous of your Iceland trip! I've always wanted to go there... AND I used to own 2 Icelandic horses. They are cute, fuzzy, and like riding a miniature rocket! Seriously powerful little horses.

Thanks, Z and Wolf. What's your opinion on her message? Is it just coincidental, or is she "testing the waters?"

As for slow -- you better believe it! I remember very clearly my lawyer telling me, "no girl friends for the next six months!"

Or, as my daughter told me (yes, I asked her, too), "Dad, talking isn't dating."

Ok, here's my take on it. My hunch says she's testing the waters.

It's not a date unless you two are doing something alone, just the two of you. If she came over with a bunch of friends and played cards, it's not a date.

This is a touchy issue for me, personally, because I probably have more guy friends than gal friends, and a good portion of them are single. None of them are guys I'd date, but they are good friends and I trust them. I'd even consider sharing a house with a couple of them. But it wouldn't be a "date" because of my "just one of the guys" status. I suppose I'm a wierdo.

For example, I spent this evening hanging out with some of my guy friends. One is gay, one is seriously dating someone, and the other two are single. We were going to play D&D but one of the other guys couldn't come, so we watched old movies. They gave me no endless amount of cr@p because I'd never seen "Tron" before. LOL

If you like her, spend some time with her and some of your other friends. See if she passes muster. That's how I'd do it.

Fred,

You haven't been on the market in a while. Play it safe. Contact her with no expectations and then see where it goes. She may be testing the waters (likely). She may not be.