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Originally Posted by jcb
I'm going to go home...I've been waiting for this POS for 45 minutes now....

Spoke to wife again, she seems to be calming down a little..said we're going to have a "serious talk" when I get home...I agreed (haha)

GF wants to meet at a local restaurant/bar tonight at 10pm...haven't told WW about that yet, I think I may go..

Tell your wife where you are going and why.
Tell your wife she can come too, if her intention is to make a sincere apology to GF.



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Originally Posted by jcb
I'm going to go home...I've been waiting for this POS for 45 minutes now....

Spoke to wife again, she seems to be calming down a little..said we're going to have a "serious talk" when I get home...I agreed (haha)

GF wants to meet at a local restaurant/bar tonight at 10pm...haven't told WW about that yet, I think I may go..

Originally Posted by Pepperband
Tell your wife where you are going and why.
Tell your wife she can come too, if her intention is to make a sincere apology to GF.


Ooooh, I likeeee.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Originally Posted by jcb
GF wants to meet at a local restaurant/bar tonight at 10pm...haven't told WW about that yet, I think I may go..

Why so late, jcb?? I don't know that I would agree to meet someone so late. That really bothers me.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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ML I know they work together but unless he talks to her about work she should walk away from him if he tries to talk to her, he will soon get the hint not to talk to her, after all colleagues now aware of A due to GF turning up and screaming at them so really no reason to talk to OM.


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

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BH, please read the thread.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Now, JCB, do you get what I was saying when I said you have all the power?

Who cares what OM has to say? Who cares what OM GF has to say? I would explain to her what you KNOW. If she has something constructive to stopping the affair to add, listen, otherwise, you really have nothing to gain. Do you really think she can give you better advice than what you are getting here? I'd bet my $5 no way. I think you can see by the responses here, and predictions... that affairs are quite textbook, and reactions to them are as well.

Inform her, as she is just now in the discovery phase. You are past that, but can help her move forwards also... and honestly, this may sound bad, but, there is no way I would encourage forgiveness of something like this in the dating phase. I'd tell her to cash out and move on. (and maybe use the experience to realize how she can protect herself in the future... (his needs her needs type reading)...

Oh, and OM show up? ROFL. I still fear the day that the Lord thinks I have the strength to deal with that encounter. It's actually one of my prayers, that I don't have to face that. (Along of reminding Him that I left my vengeance up to Him.) wink

Hang in there.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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ML I have read up
"She works for a large retail chain. He is just another worker like her."

He isnt her boss he is just another worker, she is leaving the job so why does she talk to him at work??

Remember my WS worked with OW for a full year in a DIY retail chain but has avoided talking to her at all times. Once A exposed to colleagues they encouraged NC and helped NC. There is no good reason why she allowed him to talk to her at work!! if he approached her she should have walked away or calmly told him unless it was business related she was not willing to talk to him! I know she is still in Wayward mode but its a point JCB could bring up in later discussion that they agreed WW should not have contact with OM. Today she had contact with him when discussing GF discovery etc! If she had just kept away from him she would not have been worried about his "suicidal" state as she wouldnt know about it!


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

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BH, I have no idea why you are obsessed with this. It matters not a whit if the OM talked to her; if they work together they are in contact ANYWAY. It makes NO difference if he talked to her. Today is her last day anyway.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I don't think any experience MB really thought it was over till she left work.


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Originally Posted by Brutallyhonest28
There is no good reason why she allowed him to talk to her at work!! if he approached her she should have walked away or calmly told him unless it was business related she was not willing to talk to him!

There is absolutely no reason for her to walk away from the OM if they are already working together. Contact is contact. It doesn't matter if the contact is through the spoken word, email, smoke signals, a visual sighting, spotting the OP's car in the parking lot, etc. Contact is contact. "Business" contact is contact. It is ALL THE SAME.

If I am an alcoholic, can I sober up by changing the name of my drinks to "business" drinks? Of course I can't.

So, it doesn't matter if she speaks to him at work on her last day. They were working together anyway, and therefore, IN CONTACT.



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by RookKev
I don't think any experience MB really thought it was over till she left work.

Agree. WE all knew the affair was still on and would be until she quit the job.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I actually could care less about what she does --- she's the alien, remember --- what I was impressed by was JCB's apparent backbone that developed really quickly.

I'm not intimate with how he has handled himself over the recent past, but it does appear he is responding fairly quickly to advice here. He weighs it shortly, but tends to act fairly promptly. I suggest we take that into consideration as we spout advice...sometimes we speak from pain, rather than solid advice, and that can cause real problems for him --- a real person experiencing this.

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jcb is my HERO. He has stepped up to plate and done the hard stuff at every turn. Just go read the start of this thread and see how far he has come. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"GF wants to meet at a local restaurant/bar tonight at 10pm...haven't told WW about that yet, I think I may go"

Go, don't tell WW she may warn OM.

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Well done JCB. How does having that spine feel?

I hope last night you acted with honor and did not get drunk with the POSOM's GF.

I had some reservations about meeting the GF and the possibility of a revenge affair.

Keep us posted.


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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Checking in...

What are you guys, fortune tellers? (haha)

Went home last night, WW had calmed down a lot, kept going on about the "embarrassment", I asked her she thought I felt...
Said the affair had been over for awhile and what I did wasn't necessary...I said since it was over, you shouldn't care...She was fine this morning when I got up....she did go to work, however, for her last day...

About last night...
I met the GF at Applebees, we got a booth (I know you said no booths)ordered a drink and started talking. What she has are mostly feelings...no evidence..I showed her some of my evidence (not all) and told her my timeline of how I thought the affair progresses. Come to find out, they had been dating since August....during the affair! I always assumed they started going out closer to the Oct. 9 email, supposedly ending the affair because of the OM's relationship with her. Here's where you guys were right...while she was crying she slid over into my side of the booth and started sobbing on my shoulder...I said OK, I think we're all set here...she actually said "don't you think they deserve to be paid back, I got up, left money for the drinks, and said No, I'm not a cheater, and you don't want to be either and left. (I also recorded the whole thing on my blackberry) I told my WW the whole story and she wanted to know what she told me, but was more interested in saying "isn't she ugly?" .....which she really wasn't.

All in all, it was weird , but I think I kept my dignity...

ps...the OM never showed up last night

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Well its almost like deja vu when a new BH shows up. Same WW script.. same stuff said..

the revenge affair offer at applebees, its not uncommon,the betrayed GF needed to feel like she was wanted, and you seemed like a good target to get even with om.

The ONLY thing that suprises me on MB these days is the level the WS stoops to in their sense of entitlement.

Now its the weekend, do you have a roadtrip planned to go spend time with no "R" talk?

or anything else planned?


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
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D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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Another expose well done.

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Continuing update..

Wife called, says GF is harassing her by phone, calling her names (wh*** seems to be the favorite) she left work (last day) and says she needs time to think, it's just too much for her to handle....she is so ashamed...

GF left me a message on my cell, saying she wanted to meet again, had more to tell me....don't really see how that one ends well...

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Originally Posted by jcb
Continuing update..

Wife called, says GF is harassing her by phone, calling her names (wh*** seems to be the favorite) she left work (last day) and says she needs time to think, it's just too much for her to handle....she is so ashamed...

What does that mean EXACTLY? "needs time to think?" Where did she go? Can you verify her whereabouts because if you don't know where she went, that is a problem. Is she coming home?

Quote
GF left me a message on my cell, saying she wanted to meet again, had more to tell me....don't really see how that one ends well...

Yeah right. She can just tell you on the phone.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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