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Joined: Dec 2006
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rwinger Offline OP
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"my sons (22 and 16 yr old) beat me to it and paid a visit to the OM."

Can you share this part of your story in detail?

My Wife and I had been married 25 yrs in 2005 and have 2 DS (22&16 or 17 at the time) & 1DD. Most of our M she has been a SAHM with occasional PT jobs. We are same age. I am 6'2" - 185-200lbs and she is 5'2" - 105-115lbs. She has always looked 10 yrs younger with natural blonde hair and frequently tied up or in a pony tail.

Her personality is such that she never meets a stranger and can socialize with anyone - this can be interpreted as flirty by men unfortunately.

Since 2001, she has been working part time as a bartender during the day. I used to travel quite a bit during the work week, but always made a point to be home for the weekend. This as we know now - can be a recipe for disaster.

During 2004 her behavior changed - binge drinking (drinking is still an issue btw), staying out late -even overnight at friends, hanging out with a different crowd including exotic dancers, etc. This didnt happen overnight but a very slow change in which I didnt notice at the time. The OM worked slow and in no hurry - my guess he had several women on the side.

As I look back, she was going thru pre-menopause, her mother passed away few yrs earlier, boys were getting older and moving away to college. Add the recipe above with her work environment, a long term marriage where we were becoming complacent and life events and you get the makings for a perfect storm.

So her A starts around 2004 - the closeness of our relationship went down hill and the family can tell as well. I tell them its because of all the changes and losing her mother and she will bounce back - give her time.

Our family trips and adventures continued but she decided to stay home for some of them. She started to disengage from the family events. We use to make time to go out almost every Friday evening to night clubs and music bars but those were getting tough to schedule. She became a real jerk. You know that feeling where you feel perhaps not wanted or needed - that was the place I was in.

So in my effort to get the spark going again - we took a 2 week trip on the Ruta Maya in 2005 with backpacks for our 25th anniversary. We had a ball. Flew to Cancun, stayed in Tulum for a week in a $35 per night cabana on the beach - just step out on the beach from mosquito netted bed and take a dip sans clothes anytime. We took "chicken buses" to Belize, Guatemala and Honduras while visiting Tikal and Copan and all the culture sites. She did not want to leave paradise - best time for both.

We get back - the bad attitude returned as well. I also came down with Hep A and was bedridden for cpl of months. Apparently the HepA shots didnt take and I ate some bad local food. Since the liver swelled to the size of a basketball, my cardo was being stressed by the compression.

So during that time she went out and didnt come home till after midnight - she got off work around 6pm. The next day I checked the cell. Noticed the same number being called and amt of minutes. Checked records back to previous year and a light bulb lits up. Knew this was the smoking gun because I can compare it with her attitude and time away. Everything started to make sense. Did some background on the number(s)and found out the OM is oil and gas executive.

I confronted with her on it once and she mentioned a good friend and other numbers were friends of his. All in the same industry. Did a property lookup and he has several properties in the rich end of town including one condo $800k - interesting she had mentioned that one time after work went to a restaurant not far from that address.

As you can see - I am just getting my head wrapped around this and if I was in better health (this a gift from GOD perhaps)I would have confronted the OM and depending upon his response may have kicked his rear end from one end of the county to the next.

The boys are also noticing this change of behaviour, so apparently the oldest does some research and comes to the same conclusion. My boys are athletic and good size. The younger one is big blond - quiet and reserved but has gotten himself in a few fights while growing up. He is nicknamed "Sven".

So they took the old pick up and drove down to visit with the OM. From what I can ascertain - they chatted with OM and basically asked him what his intentions with their mother was. I come to find out after hearing them discuss it among themselves and while they confronted their mother.

See - I was bedridden on couch but I can hear the talking in the other room, basically they told her if dad finds out - he will hunt the OM down and that will not be good. They told her that this is going to stop before anyone gets hurt. They could not understand what she saw in the ferret face. Actually I didnt know what I was going to do - I was starting to get in the typical BH panic mode at the time. Self-esteem, health and energy was at a all-time low.

Anyway I got better, we returned to our jobs All of a sudden the calls to the number stopped. Within a week, my W went into a depression that lasted 5 weeks until Nov 2005. She never went to work and barely got out of bed during this time. I since now know that she may have been going through withdrawls.

My guess is that he dropped her because of my sons, or the affair ran its course (~18 mos)or he got his notch and eventually dropped her. She figured it was not worth losing the family over him. Who knows.

Five yrs later - all seems well. It was really good in 2007 / 2008 when the M and SF was all time high. Since last spring - seeing some re-runs. There are new set of life stresses but managebable - actually in good shape but she gets easily stressed out.There has been no independent behaviour and so not concerned at this time.

That's the best I can recall.

Will make a comment on family exposure. Kids especially teenagers and older need to know the truth. They have as much right to know the current status and future of the only family they will know. A family is made up of all the members and so each must do his part and protect the family unit.

Last edited by rwinger; 01/16/10 04:21 PM.
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The boys are also noticing this change of behaviour, so apparently the oldest does some research and comes to the same conclusion. My boys are athletic and good size. The younger one is big blond - quiet and reserved but has gotten himself in a few fights while growing up. He is nicknamed "Sven".

So they took the old pick up and drove down to visit with the OM. From what I can ascertain - they chatted with OM and basically asked him what his intentions with their mother was. I come to find out after hearing them discuss it among themselves and while they confronted their mother.
hurray


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You have to fine young men for sons. Thanks.

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rwinger Offline OP
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Was thinking back on it and recall the chaotic nature of that summer. Its been awhile since I crawled back into those memories. At the time - wasnt aware of the site and didnt have a support group. In reality my sons had picked up on it around the same timeline.

The wayward scripting that we often see here was brand new to me - was thinking what was wrong with her - did she lose her mind. Just could not comprehend it.

Being married to each other our entire adult life and over half of our lives, you would not think there was a secret life going on that you were not aware of.

After reading Pep's Anatomy of a affair. It occurred to me how slow it had manifested and how clueless I was at the time. It was in progress for months or a year before I put the pieces together.

Anyway just some thoughts randomly put out there as a post mortem to those days.


Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl

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