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Fred in VA,
1) She moved about half an hour away, to another state.
My concern with doing my own detective work is that if she found out, she would file a stalking claim against me. A justified concern in your view?
2) I have met the OM twice and know a lot about him, much of it from wife. Yes, they work together.
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My concern with doing my own detective work is that if she found out, she would file a stalking claim against me. A justified concern in your view? I would not be concerned about a stalking claim in the least! You have much bigger problems! Stop short-circuiting yourself with worry about unlikely consequences, and TAKE ACTION! You can do it.
_________________________
BH=36(me), WW=36
DDay: Dec 4 2009
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Michael,
My FWW started taking pills without consulting me during her A.
Listen those people here, as you see from the number of their posts here they are very experienced.
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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MJ - can you speak with OM'sW?
That will cost you nothing and you don't have to have evidence to do that.
Last edited by bigkahuna; 01/14/10 12:08 AM.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Fred in VA,
1) She moved about half an hour away, to another state.
My concern with doing my own detective work is that if she found out, she would file a stalking claim against me. A justified concern in your view?
2) I have met the OM twice and know a lot about him, much of it from wife. Yes, they work together. Here's a tip: People having an affair love the secrecy. The likelihood of them going to a court or a lawyer is slim or none. Slim is walking out the door... I can see it now: "Your Honor, I wish to file a stalking claim against my lover's husband because he's interfering in our affair." If you were a judge, what would you do? My WW threatened me if I continued "harassing her" and her OM. I told her nothing I'd done was illegal and that I'd spoken with my attorney about it. She replied that she'd also talked with an attorney. At that point I told her (and instructed my attorney) that she was no longer permitted to speak with my attorney directly. That she would have to have her attorney contact mine. "I don't have an attorney," was her answer. And so I took another pawn of hers off the table.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Big Kahuna - I can and will speak with OMW. My concern is that she'll tell her husband right away, who'll tell my WW, who'll tell her parents. I want to expose all at once, so as to prevent her and her boyfriend from spinning this thing.
Last edited by MichaelJan2010; 01/14/10 12:14 AM.
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Well the cat's out of the bag if the OM'sW knows about it already.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I don't know if OM'sW does know.
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Typically, do IL's want proof from the BS that their son or daughter is having an affair?
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Well you 2 can compare notes. She will know something is amiss.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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My IL's seem to be enablers, although they are good people. I don't know if they want to know the truth; they just want to protect their own (even if it's hurting their grandkids).
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Quoted from MJ's 1st post "In the fall of 2008, she sent a coworker emails expressing her love for him and saying that she enjoyed hugging and kissing him."
You still have these emails yes?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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RMX - Nope. I was dumb.
Last edited by MichaelJan2010; 01/14/10 12:36 AM.
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What's the situation with your kids? This is a big deal. If she took the kids, then you need to secure your rights as a father ASAP and get a court order to have them returned to the marital home.
If you have them, then you can file for abandonment and hold all the cards in your hands. Throw in proof of adultery and you can site marital misconduct as well.
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Helpthelostdads,
Dr. Harley doesn't recommend divorce or threatening your spouse with divorce, as it moves the two of you to D. This makes sense to me. The same logic would seem to apply to going to court to file marital separation.
I have our kids 2.5 days a week. Not having them is painful, but not getting my wife and them is more so.
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UPDATE: I hired the PI yesterday (Friday). He's doing his work this week.
------
Me: BS, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 kids
Never lived together; married 5 years
EA fall '08, move out fall '09
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Quick question: Is it common for a WW to see her paramour in her apartment while two young kids are sleeping in their room? This question occurred to me tonight after my wife picked up her kids. She looked good. She wore sweet-smelling perfume, had her hair pulled back.
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How much proof is needed? Isn't emails enough? Do you need to get a PI or go get a tracker and a good camera?
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Quick question: Is it common for a WW to see her paramour in her apartment while two young kids are sleeping in their room? This question occurred to me tonight after my wife picked up her kids. She looked good. She wore sweet-smelling perfume, had her hair pulled back. Very common.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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It can mean the WW was just done seeing the OM.
Can you hide a digital VAR in the apartment?
Also place one in her car.
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