Well, this is all new territory for me, so I have no idea what to expect. Seems logical, but then, of course, there is no logic with waywards. If they're miserable with STBxWW, well, then they are always welcome with me.

Just my two cents, though, happiness does seem extraordinarily unlikely for at least the following reasons:

1. Income for WW *with* OM will be half what I made, so *major* drop in standard of living
2. OM kids will likely stay in UT, so he will be doing a lot of flying, out of town on weekends, etc. You can see the problems there.
3. Adapting to "blended" family (I *loathe* that term).
4. OM going from 2 kids to 7 kids at the flip of a switch (hahaha...that alone should do it. when i went from 3 to 4 kids i went nuts)
5. Stress on OM dealing with xW

I could go on, but that seems to be a sufficient list. Yeah, the cards are stacked. Doesn't look good. But like I said, their brains are mush, so they may simply stay together cuz there's nothing left...

Kids + relationship built on quicksand + more money paid out = big flippin' mess.

It won't be pretty, let me tell you.

Is your WW still at home?

If she is, the reality of trying to live off OM's income (minus what he has to pay in CS, of course) probably hasn't hit her yet.

Oh, and you left off your list the fact that she's marrying a cheating liar. If he cheated on his 1st wife, what's to say he won't cheat on her? Of course, the same could be said for your WW.

ID - You know the details of the doctrine and faith your wife is leaving behind.

Read the parable of the lost sheep some time and let it give you comfort. Because your WW is NOT going to be comfortable.

"Wickedness never was happiness" - remember that one?

"Bring up a child in the way he shall go and when he is old he will not depart from it." - she was taught correct principles. Her wickedness will torment her as she is brought back to the faith of her fathers.

You bear the burden solely now for your children's spiritual welfare. Your wife has chosen to become a tool of their enemy.

Pray that the faith of her childhood would [censored] her conscience daily and nightly. As she goes to have the first priesthood ordinance done on her child - when her adultery partner no longer holds the priesthood and cannot perform this ordinance, and she turns to her father for a blessing? Her conscience will feel it acutely.

Baptism? Again, she will feel it. This child will not be sealed to ANYONE without YOUR blessing and release. You will have a chance to give voice to her confusing her children of your marriage; she will have to endure a church court or at least a bishop's court.

As she lives the life of being "less" than a queen, she will feel it.

There will be many more opportunities for your wife to feel the weight of her sin than most here on Marriagebuilders. There will be reminders of her loss everywhere she turns. And once the thrill and fantasy wear cold on that affair, and he becomes ordinary, that's when the pain of her loss will hurt her the most.

That's what she will have to overcome to keep this next marriage going.

I don't think she will make it in the affairage. I think her conscience will eat her alive at every ordinance her COM go through - priesthood ordinations, missions, temple marriages... and contrast that with what she's deprived this OC of in the gospel.

It will hurt. Brutally. Deservedly so. It will be the only way her soul can be saved. She has to suffer.

Well, I don't believe it's true. She's supposed to be "happy" now but it doesn't look like she's treating the kid's too good now then does it?



I think this is the biggest bomb that will nuke the whole thing to kingdom come. What a zoo it will be trying to manage an instant family of kids. Gives me a headache just thinking about it.

KA: It's funny cuz I'm the convert - WW brought me into the Church ten years ago. She was the only one of her 9 siblings to be sealed - her mom was thrilled (dad is around, but non-existent, definitely won't bless the baby). Now she is the only sibling to be out of the church. Few of them still attend but their names are still on record...all except for hers.

Yes, it will be painful. God willing, there will be suffering. There has to be. Without it, her future is very dark.

I've never understood how two people can get married after cheating together on their spouse. I mean how could you ever even trust that person out of your sight. You have to be thinking to yourself everyday "wow, if he/she cheated on their spouse with me, then there is a good chance they would do the same to me. Either way, you reap what you sow.

Karma and others,

And you see #3 not happening as good for the kids or indarkness???? I sure don't. I did not say it would happen, I said it would be the best outcome especially coupled with #1 and #2.

The odds of the WW and the OM having a successful marriage is very small. But, I am thinking of the present children of this family and even indarkness. She can and probably will make life He$$ for him when the money runs out and she needs more. She can and probably will make life He$$ for him when the reality of what she has done to him and her children comes into focus. She can and probably make life H3$$ for him although the expected baby is not his and the baby does NOT have what indarkness can give to the other children.

Indarkness' life would be much better if items #1 through #3 happen. It is not likely that #3 will happen but I suspect she will stay married to OM for the OC's sake. At least for a decade or so.

I told indarkness what I though ought to happen, but then I realized I should tell him what the best outcome should be, and so far no one has offered any discussion as to why #1 through #3 would not be the best outcome.

JL

Karma you forgot about me. If this statement is true; let me wake Snow White to kiss her prince; Sleeping Beauty is just starting to yawn (why are they always sleeping); and pinch Pinochio because now he is a real boy.

It is all fantasy. Blended, chopped, puree -- all jumbled together for one big happy family. As long as their A is happy all is right with the world.

Shock, the kids hate the OP, kids throw up, get sick, plans cancelled and reality numbs the brain.

The A become work and guess what when the going gets tough the tough cheat.. oops get going.

Just my nickel

Being nice to the WS to try and make #3 possible will not work either. You cannot be nice enough to WSs; they will want more and more--#3 is not possible.

WHo said be "nice" to the WS??? Not me. I said the best outcome is where the kids are NOT in the middle of a fire fight between ID and his soon to be exW. The reality is they will be, but if exWW is happy in her life, there less likely to get collatoral damage.

#3 is possible and it does happen but not often and surely not often enough to put any money on. I've seen it happen.

JL

I apologize--I was reading two boards at once. Gotta stop doing that.

The problem is that often the WS will PUT the kids in the middle of a firefight just to create drama--so that their affair can last much longer. Because drama fuels that fire...

1 through 3 may be the best outcome, I do agree with that; but it is an EXTREMELY unlikely outcome. Even if the marriage survives 5 years, it'll most likely be a miserable one, and ID's STBxWW will take that misery out on ID and their kids.

There is an alternate outcome-when STBxWW feels the sting of her faith while taking their kids through the various rituals of their faith, or even at the PROSPECT of those rituals, she may decide to try to blunt the pain by walking away from it all. Let ID have full custody of their kids, give up her faith altogether, and "cleave" to OM with their OC. Essentially she'd abandon her old life completely, leave behind all its trappings.

Painful? Certainly, but it may be less painful than confronting the reality of her sins-remember waywards tend to fight to preserve the fantasy of their A as long as possible, and they're liable to do ANYTHING they think will keep the fantasy going. ID's STBxWW wouldn't be the first wayward to abandon their family for the OP, and won't be the last.

***edit***

Moderator's Note: This site is for the building of marriages, not for the promotion of adultery.

So, bingo, does the above edit mean that you finally admit that you have an affairage and not a marriage?

***edit***

Moderator's Note : If you have a question or concern with a moderator action, please email the mods.

Please tell me you exposed to his superiors/FBI H.R.

Your chip on your shoulder about religion is apparent, but this web site is not moderated as you say it is, and you have not been edited because of your hedonistic attitude.

The fact of the matter is that you haven't survived just yet as your wife is wayward so don't count yourself in the 3% just yet.

Maybe you will be one of the 3% or maybe you will be one of the affairages that dont last past five years....JMHO but I dont think you have anything to offer on "the surviving an affair" forum that is helpful to anyone yet...come back over when you have been married past five years and let us know how you are doin in your affairage. You have only been married 9 mos.

Yeah, I still want clarification of this FBI thing. OM works for the FBI?

JL, if we're talking best-case-scenarios here, then I think the best thing ID's WW could do would be to pull her head out of her butt, realize what she's doing to her kids, herself, her H, and her family, and put an end to all of this insanity. Break it off with the OM, go crawling back to ID and beg for his forgiveness, and spend the rest of her life doing what she certainly (somewhere in her foggy brain) knows is right. Keep the OM out of the picture by going completely NC, raise the OC along with her COM's in an intact family, and walk the long road of repentance. Hey, we all know that's what she should do. That's what would be best for everyone.

Is it going to happen? It seems pretty unlikely at this point. Probably just about as likely as scenarios 1-3. The likely outcome of all this isn't pretty, and that's fairly easy to see from an outsider's perspective. I have the distinct impression that ID's STBxWW will eventually come to this realization as well, but by then, it will be far too late.