Wow! Hard to believe I have been on the MB Forums since 2002! Well, now it is 2010, and I have decided to end my marriage with my wife of 13 years. I am looking for advice and/or experiences that may help me. I have already hired an attorney.

I have decided it is in my best interest and that of my daughter for me to pursue a divorce. My household situation is untenable. My wife and I fight almost all the time, and she is verbally and physically abusive towards me. Added to that, she has engaged in three affairs (one of which I discovered last week).

My interest is in pursuing a divorce process that is hopefully low conflict and whose outcome is in the best interest my daughter, me and my wife. A few questions:

1. What is the best way to break the news to my wife that I really do want a divorce? I have already accepted a job in another city that will allow me to move out.

2. A year ago, I learned she had two affairs when she go careless with her e-mail. Recently, she started behaving in a way that indicated to me that she was carrying on a secret relationship. I checked her text messages, and there it all was. Should I even raise this with her?

3. Should I hire a private investigator to see what she is doing and with whom?

Thanks for your advice.

Me Age 43
WW Age 36
DD Age 11
WW's first 2 affairs discovered last summer, third and most recent discovered last week!

I would document the abuse and file for divorce, not to mention securing a judges order that either has her removed from the home, or allows you to take your DD with you.

If your WW is really abusive, then you need to protect your daughter from her.

Document, document, document, and seek professional help in protecting your DD and yourself.

Find out if you live in a fault state and if the adultery will make a difference in your divorce settlement. If it does, make sure you have hard evidence before you approach her with the news, otherwise any evidence will disappear. Speak to a lawyer and make sure you know for sure what your local laws are.

Other than that, the sooner you say something to her, the better.

And yes, document, document, document - even after you've told her. Document everything from what she says/does, to possessions you have in the house and the balance in your joint accounts and credit cards. Divorces are never pretty and you don't know what information you will need in the future. I just won a small claims suit against my WXH and my evidence included bank statements from over 2 years ago - the finaly year we were married.

Get an attorney, go for everything. She's unstable at best, she could drain your finances and keep you from taking your D if you don't do this right! Remember that.

This job in another city - you are taking your D with you, right? Your wife could stop this very easily if she saw an advantage to it. You need an attorney.

Don't say a WORD until you've retained counsel. Don't tip your hand, don't explain... She can claim abuse and you'd be up a creek... Line up your DUCKS, first!

Be smart, and QUIET. I cant see how she deserves any concessions from you. Do you?

You're fighting for your and your DD's future. Don't tell the opponent what you're planning. Good luck!

Find the thread Men don't leave the house, as everyone mention above, document everything and contact a lawyer too, about the abuse because more than likely she will have you kicked out or moved from the house claiming abuse and take out an R.O. against you.