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One, I'm about ready to text her the following:
"That's just being selfish." Better get a check on those Love Busters. They'll ruin your Plan A. Yeah, I had a couple smokes and didn't reply with that.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Did you reply already? I am late to the boards and giving my input.
In plan A (and yes you can plan A while separated until you decide for plan B)....
I would reply
I love you so much. 100% of your love and committment is TOO good for words. That is what I want for us.
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"However, the reality is that almost every single WS in the world does choose their OP over their spouse for a time."
Exactly. WS has chosen the OP. That's why their knocking boots with the OP.
The BS has to get the WS to realize that the better deal is going back to the BS.
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"However, the reality is that almost every single WS in the world does choose their OP over their spouse for a time."
Exactly. WS has chosen the OP. That's why their knocking boots with the OP.
The BS has to get the WS to realize that the better deal is going back to the BS. Well they're not knocking boots yet. So far this has been EA. Though I guess if you call cybersex and phone sex knocking boots...then yeah they're knocking boots.
D - Day: 11/7/2009
Ended it with OM: 11/7/2009
Broke NC: 11/9/2009
D - Day 2: ~ 12/10/2009
Started Plan A: 1/8/2010
Found MB: 1/13/2010
Ended it with OM: 1/22/2010 ???
Filed for Divorce: 4/9/2010
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Well they're not knocking boots yet. So far this has been EA. Though I guess if you call cybersex and phone sex knocking boots...then yeah they're knocking boots. A less-derogatory term is "she's not allowing you to exclusively meet her need for sexual fulfillment". Dr. Harley's plan includes exclusive need-meeting for intimate conversation, sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, and affection. And yeah, men, if you're following that, that means no more "taking care of your needs" without your wife, for the rest of your life. You even find ways to share THAT: a sexually exclusive lifestyle.
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Well they're not knocking boots yet. So far this has been EA. Though I guess if you call cybersex and phone sex knocking boots...then yeah they're knocking boots. A less-derogatory term is "she's not allowing you to exclusively meet her need for sexual fulfillment". Dr. Harley's plan includes exclusive need-meeting for intimate conversation, sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, and affection. And yeah, men, if you're following that, that means no more "taking care of your needs" without your wife, for the rest of your life. You even find ways to share THAT: a sexually exclusive lifestyle. Is this true? Harley says this? Seems like a double standard if women are not included in the prohibition.
Last edited by Zelmo; 01/20/10 06:21 PM.
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And yeah, men, if you're following that, that means no more "taking care of your needs" without your wife, for the rest of your life. You even find ways to share THAT: a sexually exclusive lifestyle. Whoa, whoa whoa. DoNoMo, before you start laying things like that down right next to other, true MB principles, care to tell us exactly where Dr. Harley ever says that? Or is that a BarnBoy addition?
Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.
Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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Page 252,253 in Love Busters.
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Wife just sent me a text asking "What scares you most about my feelings for OM?"
How the hell do I answer that?
See thread "I don't know what to do anymore..." Look up on the threads on reverse fog babble where you turn the question back onto the OM. eg: XH: I trusted you to do this me: Yes and I trusted you WW: what scares you the most about my feelings for OM You?? It scares me that you will lose a potential great M any suggestions?
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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"Wife just sent me a text asking "What scares you most about my feelings for OM?"
How the hell do I answer that?"
You don't answer that. BS's mistakenly feel they must engage the WS with affair talk. Don't it is a lose lose deal. WS's will not be taught what is right or wrong.
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"Wife just sent me a text asking "What scares you most about my feelings for OM?"
How the hell do I answer that?"
You don't answer that. BS's mistakenly feel they must engage the WS with affair talk. Don't it is a lose lose deal. WS's will not be taught what is right or wrong.
Change the subject if/when you text her back:
"You have the most incredible (color) eyes. I miss looking into them."
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/21/10 05:01 PM.
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And yeah, men, if you're following that, that means no more "taking care of your needs" without your wife, for the rest of your life. You even find ways to share THAT: a sexually exclusive lifestyle. Whoa, whoa whoa. DoNoMo, before you start laying things like that down right next to other, true MB principles, care to tell us exactly where Dr. Harley ever says that? Or is that a BarnBoy addition? Private counseling with Jennifer Harley Chalmers. "Sexual Exclusivity" means sharing EVERY sexual experience with your spouse... even that one. Here's her exact quote from our session... "All your sexual experiences need to be with her... What is our program about? It's about loving one. It's about rules guaranteeing you love only one person. That's 'why' [the affair happened], you guys weren't following those rules. You might have been meeting her needs, but you both were allowing others to meet your needs.
"And Sexual Fulfillment? You guys weren't living sexual exclusivity there either.
"...See, we talk about that with sexual fulfillment. If you're into pornography, there's a contrast effect because it's never going to be the same as marital sex.
"You have this habit on your own that's a guaranteed one-hundred-percent pleasure. The comparison gets more difficult, particularly as you get older.
"So the answer to your question 'why' is that you didn't have exclusive need-meeting, so love units were deposited by someone else, and you got a contrast effect."I don't want to go into more details -- once again, I'm trying to shed the "prurient" image -- but try coming to an enthusiastic agreement with your spouse about your sexual behaviors without her. You might be surprised at what she's willing to try to ensure you aren't taking care of your own sexual need in secret...
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I don't want to go into more details -- once again, I'm trying to shed the "prurient" image -- but try coming to an enthusiastic agreement with your spouse about your sexual behaviors without her. You might be surprised at what she's willing to try to ensure you aren't taking care of your own sexual need in secret... Interesting! Thanks for sharing your source, DoMo!
Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.
Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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