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Piling on with cruel words that will forever haunt someone is adding insult to injury. Why will it forever haunt you? I understand that it stings at first, but upon any reasonable reflection, it's obvious that it's BS. Consider the source of the words. Consider the source's objective.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Well, I hope the Wookie cleaned up his act and did not try to blame his crap on something like "the fog" or whatever little crapola concept some waywards come up with to explain their abuse. The Wookie is a man of honor and worthy of honor now. There is no fog - only contrition and shame at harming the ones he holds dearest in the world.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Yes, Mrs W. But, I beleive that some people just have those Ep's in place naturally, by virtue of their own innate sense of right and wrong. This is where I view alcoholics and waywards as being different.
Most of us feel the same euphoria and relaxation associated with drinking. Most of us have the same amount of attraction to good looking memebers of the opposite sex(substitute whatever qualitie are your turn-on).
But, those who refrain have something else within them that stops them from acting on their desires. Those that allow themselves to act on them are different, at that point in their lives.
My dad was a mean drunk. He chose to be that way everyday for a long time. He was different than a normal person, IMO.
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Well, I hope the Wookie cleaned up his act and did not try to blame his crap on something like "the fog" or whatever little crapola concept some waywards come up with to explain their abuse. The Wookie is a man of honor and worthy of honor now. There is no fog - only contrition and shame at harming the ones he holds dearest in the world. Good. Keep your eyes open, however. That pathway has been opened for him.
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Piling on with cruel words that will forever haunt someone is adding insult to injury. Why will it forever haunt you? I understand that it stings at first, but upon any reasonable reflection, it's obvious that it's BS. Consider the source of the words. Consider the source's objective. How do we know it is BS? People blurt out their true thoughts when they are pissed.
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>People blurt out their true thoughts when they are pissed.
Respectfully, Zel, but bullchit.
People blurt out things that they THINK will hurt the most when pissed.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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>People blurt out their true thoughts when they are pissed.
Respectfully, Zel, but bullchit.
People blurt out things that they THINK will hurt the most when pissed. Is absolutly true!
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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>People blurt out their true thoughts when they are pissed.
Respectfully, Zel, but bullchit.
People blurt out things that they THINK will hurt the most when pissed. Once the filter is off by way of anger or drink, their true thoughts come out, IMO. Often, they want to retract their stuff once faced with the fallout. This was my expierience with my drunken, litigator dad. He would say what he felt to be true about me, reducing a child to tears almost every night for years. It was such a mismatch, the Harvard Lawyer against a 10 year old. Thank God I punched his lights out when I got older. Then, one gets to hear their attempts to distance themselves from reponsibility for their words. It was the alcohol, or the fog or whatever. I'd prefer they just be honest. Then, at least, you would know where you stand.
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Well, I hope the Wookie cleaned up his act and did not try to blame his crap on something like "the fog" or whatever little crapola concept some waywards come up with to explain their abuse. The Wookie is a man of honor and worthy of honor now. There is no fog - only contrition and shame at harming the ones he holds dearest in the world. Good. Keep your eyes open, however. That pathway has been opened for him. Are you kidding? The only things I do blindly anymore have to do with pinning tails on donkeys, sharks vs. minnows and marco polo.
Last edited by Dealan-de; 01/21/10 01:31 PM.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Well, I hope the Wookie cleaned up his act and did not try to blame his crap on something like "the fog" or whatever little crapola concept some waywards come up with to explain their abuse. The Wookie is a man of honor and worthy of honor now. There is no fog - only contrition and shame at harming the ones he holds dearest in the world. Good. Keep your eyes open, however. That pathway has been opened for him. Are you kidding? The only things I do blindly anymore have to do with pinning tails on donkeys, sharks vs. minnows and marco polo. Well, isn't that relaxing? Guess you should thank him for keeping you ever-vigilant. Wonder how he'd like that for himself?
Last edited by Zelmo; 01/21/10 01:34 PM.
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But it IS the best darn sex ever.
As Harley states on page 22 of His Needs Her Needs
"What really turns you on, however, is not your new partner, but the fantasy. As you and your lover plan where and when to meet for passionate sessions of lovemaking you leave the realities of living behind."
Yeah.
I asked.
A few days after D-day.
Yeah.
H said "Yes, it was."
If he'd said, "No.", I would have known he was lying.
Why?
Because he risked everything for it.
About a week later, I asked, "Why was it the best ever?"
He said, "She'd do anything I asked her to."
After that, I donned my cowgirl outfit and became a rodeo star.
It was rough.
It was terrible/awful/fantastic/tearful/screaming/angry/grateful .... AKA, hysterical bonding.
I obliterated her memory, pronto.
H was a messed up person at the time.
Having said that, he had just taken his first few steps towards openness and honesty.
Today?
It doesn't even hurt to write this.
Why?
Because we're working our MB marriage.
It works if you work it.
And, we're worth it. 
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Almost no WS is diagnosable with a mental illness. Just like , IMO, alcoholism as a disease is simply the result of a strong lobby in Congress. These folks make active, concious choices to do and say the things they do. Those choices show us their underlying character. They can change if they want to. Many do not. Often, they expect those damaged by their harmful choices to underwrite their "recovery". It is BS. At this point in time, waywardism is not listed among mental illnesses, by I and a few others here agree that given the distinct characteristic symptoms displayed by waywards, it is certainly more definable than currently recognized mental illnesses like depression. That is not to say that there aren't waywards who are, by nature, of poor character or have some major flaw that makes them that way. For example, one characteristic of sociopaths is that they frequently cheat on their partners. Alcoholism most certainly is a mental illness and it's treatable. Congress has nothing to do with it. It may have begun with a conscious choice to have a drink, but look how many of us have had a drink and did not become alcoholics?
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Well, I hope the Wookie cleaned up his act and did not try to blame his crap on something like "the fog" or whatever little crapola concept some waywards come up with to explain their abuse. Zelmo, "the fog" doesn't EXCUSE the behavior...It is merely an EXPLANATION of the behavior... Hmmmm...let me give you an example of not placing yourself in temptation's way, and how once you do, the battle is already lost... Okay, say you have two young people that are engaged...they are both committed to not having premarital sex...They both hold their virginity in high regard... In which scenario are they likely to maintain their standards? They repeatedly choose to place themselves in situations where they are totally alone, behind closed doors and engage in heavy petting. Maintaining that their high moral standards will protect them from violating their commitment to wait until marriage for sex. OR They commit to never being completely alone behind closed doors. Would it be wise for them to say, shower together? Hey maybe they could control themselves and do everything BUT intercourse, relying on will power alone to keep them safe...What if they do that do that 9 times and are able to control themselves! Yippee, they are SAFE! Until...the 10th time when things get REALLY hot and heavy...One says to the other..."It's only a month until we get married you know...We ARE getting married and we know we already belong to only each other...no one will know..." [justification & rationalization]...And like that, BLAM it's over...The morals that they held so dear their entire lives are suddenly steam rolled over in an instant of passion... They could have protected all that was sacred to them if only they had made the commitment to not place themselves in temptation's way...Had they have maintained extraordinary precautions because they recognized that human will power is NOT reliable they would not be in the predictament of compromising their values... Recognizing our weaknesses and protecting them is what it takes not to become wayward... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Well, isn't that relaxing? Guess you should thank him for keeping you ever-vigilant. Wonder how he'd like that for himself? Why are you insulting people Zelmo? You do see you are mocking BSs too, don't you?. Not all WSs are unrepenant like your exWW.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Once the filter is off by way of anger or drink, their true thoughts come out, This can be true. But it is also true that many say things that are not true because they know it will hurt. And since they hurt at that moment, they want everyone to hurt. I'v done it, not proud of it, and I have tried to face it and learn from it to keep it from happening again. Same for almost every other human being I have ever met, atleast once in there life.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I'm quite relaxed, thanks.
Know why?
Because my husband and I have the TOOLS necessary to cope with just about anything now.
Never underestimate the value of a good set of tools.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Yes, Mrs W. But, I beleive that some people just have those Ep's in place naturally, by virtue of their own innate sense of right and wrong. This is where I view alcoholics and waywards as being different.
Most of us feel the same euphoria and relaxation associated with drinking. Most of us have the same amount of attraction to good looking memebers of the opposite sex(substitute whatever qualitie are your turn-on).
But, those who refrain have something else within them that stops them from acting on their desires. Those that allow themselves to act on them are different, at that point in their lives.
My dad was a mean drunk. He chose to be that way everyday for a long time. He was different than a normal person, IMO. So you are saying that you could place yourself into tempting circumstances and your will power would protect you? You are super-human? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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***edit***
Last edited by McLovin; 01/21/10 04:33 PM. Reason: Multiple User Names for Deceptive Purposes
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Good Grief!
EVERY wayward is FURIOUS and SPITEFUL after exposure.
It causes the waywards FANTASY to crash.
Dude, (and Zelmo too) stop acting like Chicken Little everytime you hear the whacked out things that waywards say and do.
The sky is falling, the sky is falling ..... Run, Run, Run!
The things I did and said, pale in comparison to what Patriots wife has said or done. I was pure evil and completely consumed.
My wife fought for our marriage and for me!
With God's help, She succeeded!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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What makes sex "the best ever"?
Enthusiasm.
Not size.
Not positions.
It's enthusiasm.
And being in the moment.
And being honest.
If you want to read more about this ... I suggest Passionate Marriage
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