That's right don't send that text. Do not plead, accommodate or beg her. Remember that a WW is not ready to make sense of what you are trying to say. Keep it simple - look strong.

Deep conversations may be counterproductive at this point so stay away from heavy stuff. Just walk in there like you normally do. In my case, I used to act like a friendly neighbor. Your action of going back to your home will speak louder.

Don't wait. Pack your things and GO BACK HOME NOW.

--ElCamino72

NO!
Do not warn her.
Go home at, or as close to your normal time as possible.



Yes

why NO!
we keep a gun at the house and she scares very easily, thats why I am only giving her 10 mins. I'm not going to tell her I am moving back in, just I will be home in 10 mins, I come in to tuck the kids in at night sometimes anyway.

and what exactly am I going to say when she asks,
"what are you doing? Why are you bringing all your stuff back in?" just simply say "I'm moving back in?" and then she will say "we both talked about this and you said you would move in gradually over our 6 month trial period" I am afraid I am going to push her further away and she won't even consider the trial period after this.

She is home right now and will be all day.

Just tell her this is your home and go about your unpacking, make some dinner, take a shower...whatever.

Becouse it is not something you would normally have done before the affair.
Don't sneak in, just walk in like normal.

What I must to save our marriage.

Becouse this is where my stuff belongs.

Have you ate yet?

Trust us.

In the months I've been here, I've never seen good advice about wayward spouses go wrong yet.

Trust us.

I will trust you all 100% though I don't understand some of these things, you all know whats best and I am in no way thinking straight. I will keep you all updated. feel free to read the entire post again and offer any more suggestions or advice. Thank you all so much!

Your WW wants to leave you because she's in love w/ OM. Guess what? If OM drops her for his wife and stops contacting you, she'll stay with you. The only reason she would leave you is for OM and that isn't happening. Start acting like you are married, and eventually she will. If you stay away, you are just inviting some other OM to start meeting her needs, and this OM might be available or have no problems leaving his wife.

You don't want to go back because your are trying to avoid conflict. Conflict is inevitable. Learn how to deal with it. Be Teflon. Just let all her crap bounce off you.

If she asks you why you are moving back in you say, "because we are married and I should be home where my children and wife are."

When she asks why you moved out in the first place you say, "I was going through a lot of pain and I made a mistake. I'm here to stay now."

Avoid relationship talk.

You want to know how to do plan A. Go print out the emotional needs and love busters questionnaires and try to fill them out the way you think your wife would. Then you follow what you filled out. Don't push things, just try and meet the needs she lets you. If she complained about you doing nothing around the house, start cleaning up things on your own, cook for her and the kids, etc. If she complains that you never talk to her, subtly try and engage her in conversation. If that doesn't work, just respond to her when she eventually says something to you. If she goes to the salon, tell her that her new haircut looks nice.

one more thing. When is the right time to ask her to stop all communications with the OM? like I said she makes excuses like "I just want to know what we had is real" and "I need closure on what he wants" I already told her before to stop all communications or I would instantly file for divorce, but I know now that this was probably the wrong thing to do.

Also she is talking to his best friend for advice on what she should do, of course she will tell him I'm a bad person etc...just so she can hear someone say "you should be with the Om instead of your husband" because her friends her family and her entire group of co-wokers (including the OM's spouse, which works on same team as my wife) wants her to work things out with me.

How can I put a stop to her talking to these people? they work together and she works with the OM she is in love with. I know after reading the only way to repairing our marriage is for her to stop ALL communications with the OM but with her job this is not possible.

When I first came here, this is exactly how I felt. Everything seemed so out of sync with my instincts and then I thought about the fact that my instincts got me to where I was. I started reading and rereading what people wrote to me and if it seemed counter-intuitive I knew it must be right.

Feel free to come on here and ask whatever questions you need answers too and if you need to, come on here to vent about some of the weird fog-babble and alien talk coming out of her mouth. We have heard it all before and the vets have seen this play out many many times. Affairs tend to happen according to a script.

Oh and one more thing, the more you learn about this place the more you will want to share it with your WW. DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT THIS FORUM. If the time comes for recovery, then you can let her know about this place. The advice you get here will be invaluable.

Jonpen,

Your WW is going through a very tough withdrawal. How should you act around a drug addict that cannot get a fix or an alcoholic that is going through the DTs? Think of it that way.

She is terrified, miserable, and heartbroken because she is realizing her "soul mate" was just in it for the "ride"

You should leave her be if she wants to be left alone. Maybe not try to start any kind of conversation. Focus on the kids and playing with them, which may remind her of FAMILY. Be pleasant but keep your distance like you would from a drunk going through the DTs. NO RELATIONSHIP TALK!!

You just have to hunker down and let her get through withdrawal. Another call to the OM's wife might be wise, just to get the total lay of the land. Maybe compare notes. My guess is the OM is cringing at the thought of your WW getting in touch with him.

But do move back now. She must not have the upper hand directing your actions. And do not let her BLAME YOU for her adulterous affair. That is total bullpoop.

imho

kirk

OM's wife works with your WW? That is a good thing. I'd call her back to get an idea of what is going on. One thing at at time. Get back into your house. What have WW's family had to say to you?

Jonpen,

""Also she is talking to his best friend for advice on what she should do""

What is stopping you from giving the best friend a call and getting a dialogue going. Not blasting into him, but a calm and logical discussion on what is going on and how can we make this go away.

Why would the best friend give your WW advice on how to get the OM back. The best friend would want the best for the OM which would be staying in his marriage!!

Your WW's body has been invaded by an Alien. She is so totally in the FOG that she is make very irrational calls and reaching out to anyone. But I don't think anyone is going to tell her what she wants to hear.

imho

kirk

They said they want us to work things out and they can see how hard I am trying. They know this OM isn't right for her even if we weren't together, but they also said they will respect her decision no matter what it is.

"I will move back in and start staying there again in a few days."

No, no, no, no, no, no, etc.......

Move back in today. You are married, she can not force you out of the home or bed. She is the one cheating. If she wants to be separate that bad she can move out without the kids.