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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4 |
Hi all. Newbie here. Very complicated situation, but need help ASAP.
Does anyone have any experience with an OW who has tried to "replace" the BS, especially in the role of "mommy", and how have you dealt with this situation?
I seriously had visions of pushing her down the stairs tonight when she dropped off my DD for visitation.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
How old is DD? Children aren't dumb. Even youngsters have an instinctive knowledge of who "mommy" is and who isn't.
I'm not the one to give advice, as this wasn't part of my experience, but until someone responds, I can only say this:
1) Talk to DD. Nicely, but sincerely tell her that married people don't have girlfriends and that OW is not mommy.
2) If OW is a menace, get a court to issue a restraining order.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928 |
Is your DD living with you or your WH and how old is she? Are you divorced? If you're not divorced, your DD should not be anywhere near OW.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4 |
She's 4.
Does the OP tend to become more controlling as they start losing control? I cannot understand this situation. I have no idea why she would want to put herself in the middle of this. Who wants to deal with the BS all the time?
I'm trying to assert boundaries. Yet, I cannot control what my WH allows.
Meanwhile, DD is telling me some pretty concerning things - all of which I'm being accused of fabricating (as is she).
The partners our WS choose! What are they thinking?
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Better not to push her down the stairs - you could end up in jail.
But your OW is behaving like they typically do, worming her way in to replace you.
There is probably little you can do if this problem hasn't been addressed in your visitation agreement.
But take heart, sooner or later the OW will most likely be out of the picture, and that is without you taking any action at all.
I know it must really hurt, and it just shows how NASTY the OW is, that she has no sense of shame.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4 |
My DD was living with me. WH left a long time ago. He has been living with OW since the night they met.
WH filed a PFA against me and was granted emergency custody. DD was withheld by both WH and OW for over a year. Judge ruled against WH and I now have primary custody.
Unfortunately, bond was severed and we are doing a transition. Since transition began, OW has been involved 100% and WH is MIA.
Divorce will be final in the next few months. Never did a Plan A or Plan B. Found MB way too late. Think WH is in way over his head. Waiting patiently for reality to sink in on their happy little fantasy, especially since WH was not able to create the instant family scenario he and OW had been fighting for.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928 |
Wow! That just plain ol' sucks! I'm so sorry that they've done this to you! I wish I knew what to tell you.
Is your DD in counselling?
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
(((HUGS))) ereike!!!
I'm so sorry for your situation. That really sucks.
To answer your first question, my WXH's OW tried to be "mommy" to our grown, living on his own, 19 year old DS! He was married shortly before his 20th birthday and OW asked if she could light the unity candle instead of me!!!! So yes, OWs do this.
The only advise I can give you that might help is inform your WH that OW is not welcome on your property and then inforce it. You likely can't keep her away from your DD during WH's visitation - this is generally only possible when it's demanded immediately before it ever happens. BUT you have a say as to who steps on your property.
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