ok so my divorce is final and all now and my DD was a month old when WxH moved out and into his OW appartment. She has never known us to be together as a family unit but she knows and loves me and well her father as well. The other day when i picked her up from the babysitter i told her that i had a surprise for her at home.... she is potty training so i bough big girl princess undies for her.... at any rate there was a little boy there as well and he is four and he said " i know i know it's her Daddy." I looked at the little boy and said no hunny he doesn't live with us. My daughter then asked me... "yea mommy why doesn't daddy come to your house and stay with us?"

I know this is going to come up again i was thinking more when she was like 4 or 5 maybe...but not two. I don't know how to answer that to her in an age appropriate way without confusing her. Any suggestions.

My explanation would be truthful. Children understand much better than we think they do.

"I love you very much. To help us love each other, you and I have rules we live by. And if we break the rules, we say we're sorry and promise never to break the rule again, right?

"When Daddy and I married, we made a rule so that we could live together. We decided that we would only snuggle and cuddle each other and our children for the rest of our lives. Daddy decided to cuddle and snuggle with someone else. He broke the rule.

"Daddy wouldn't say he's sorry and promise not to do it again. I gave him a lot of chances, but after those chances, he decided it would be easier to not live the rule anymore by moving out of the house."

A bit complicated, but the two-year-old will nod knowingly, pick up the part about having rules, and ask questions later. That kind of explanation, of course, is going to raise questions. My rule with my kids is simple: I'm happy to explain "Why" and "How" questions, but if they ask "What if" questions, I invite them to use their own imagination to formulate an answer.

Kids are truly small adults. They may not fully grasp subtleties yet, but in time those kinds of things will percolate down.

Doormat thanks for the suggestion there... i really like how you phrased it. I always want to tell her the truth about things i just wasn't sure how to approach this with a 2 y/o. I didn't really have any IRL people who would argee with that OR their choice words are not appropriate for my child because even though he is wayward and all it is her father and i don't believe in bashing him to my child. She can make her own opinions about him as she gets older. Thanks again... much apprecaited