Well, it's been one month. I can't believe that a month has passed already. This is going to be a hectic week but it is going to be good because keeping myself busy and the kids busy makes it easier. Wednesday evening, DS9 was invited to a friend's birthday party and then Thursday is DS6's birthday. Ds6 has his party on Friday. He is going to have a lot of fun. I am sure he will miss WH not being there, but I will try to make up for it. Life continues, it's my choice where it takes me

Its funny how ppl will stumble in life and have to much pride to admit they made a mistake. Waywards will rewrite history and run away from the very thing that would bless them if they opened thier minds.

You are an awesome example of how to handle this Scot.

Are the days getting better for you? and the nights?

It is funny that you ask about the nights. They are fine for me. I wake up a few times at night because I have many many dreams about WH. Usually they are that we are trying to recover, then I wake up and I am a little saddened because reality is he isn't here. 6 months ago I was a person who COULD NOT sleep without my WH in bed with me. I am not kidding. My friends used to make fun of me because of it. They also used to make fun of me when I told them that I would have a DREAM that a man was hitting on me and I would actually say "I can't I am married." then I would wake up and say to myself, "It was just a dream." I can't even cheat in a dream.

So some MAJOR fog from WH today. He called DS9 and was talking to him. WH mentioned Ds6 birthday. He thought it was tomorrow. How did he forget his own son's birthday is on the 21st not the 19th? I know that DS9's birthday is on the 19th but not of January. Wow. Some things really amaze me.

When your brain is so full of oozing green alien fog that it drifts out your ears in odd moments, there just isn't any room left for trifling little things like birthdays.

Someday all the fog will be swept away, and his head will be empty except for a few grains of the life he used to have. It'll be a great place to start.

Just hit me with the little padded 2x4 for this one. I know that WH is no longer attending his pool league on Monday nights. No I am not stalking him or checking up on him, I realized it last week when he emailed the boys at 8pm. He should have been no where near a computer. Then yesterday when he called, it was when he should have been at the bar. Pool is his LIFE. He has been playing since he was a kid and he has become quite good. Pool was such a BIG part of our life that both of our children were in Pool Halls when they were weeks old and had ques in their hands as soon as they could stand on a stool to reach the side of the table. He is changing everything that is real about him. Our children were his WORLD too. Many people commented about that when I told them about the A. They couldn't believe it because he loved me and the kids so much.

WH sister, who herself is living with the OM in her M(they have 2 kids together now too), actually asked me if WH was doing drugs because he wasn't acting like himself. It is funny because that's what we asked her when her A started too. I told her that he isn't on any drug except the drug from the affair itself.

My Mom was here today, the boys and I weren't feeling good so she came to help clean up a bit. She was telling me that she is really torn right now. She really wants to go back to my Dad but she doesn't think she can. She knows that he would most likely take her back she is just scared. She said it was funny because one of the reasons she felt so unattached from him before her A started was because he told her that he hated her. Now he tells her he loves her all of the time. She said that she is confused. I had told my Dad that he should go into a Plan B like state, but he can't. He still gets ENs met by her. They have always been kind of "dating". It is just confusing to me and VERY strange.

Anyways, I have been reading a lot of stuff and I have been making myself a better human being After this week, I am going to hunker down and getting a clue as to what I want to do with my career.

The pain of not recognizing who he is or what he's become will add to all the other pains he tries to ignore as he sells his soul for a cheap garden implement.

Over time, the pains stack up into something too big to ignore.

To MY DS7

Family Party at my sister's tonight. DS9 baked the cake all by himself. He will decorate it when he comes home from school. Tomorrow is the kid's party, also at my sister's and it is going to be AWESOME.

Having okay days. That is a good thing.

Indeed !

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Here are the pics I promised I would post. The one is of my house a couple of years ago. The others are some recent ones a friend took. This is 15 blocks away from my house, how could I NOT LOVE IT?

(((((Scotty))))),

Those pictures are just BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I thought of you today as I knew it was your son's BDAY!!!!...and yes..... to DEAR SON

One month in....I am proud of you. You are sticking to your guns. Very brave of you.....you are learning to thrive and survive the worst that life can throw you. It will serve you well through the years.....

Have a happy celebration with DS and give him a big MB hug from me.....

not2fun

So, I have a little funny story to tell. My best friend's birthday was yesterday. She works with me as well. She has the same name as POSOW but I don't hold that against her(hahahahaha I told you the universe is mean to me hahahahaha).

Anyways, my best friend didn't want anyone to know it was her birthday. I told her "what are best friends for if not to tell the whole world that it is your birthday?" I was working in a job that left me with a lot of free time. I made a multi-colour poster for her for her birthday. My supervisor told me I should get everyone to sign it. So I proceeded to tell everyone who was working to sign it.

A Police Officer came in to speak to a manager and while he was waiting, I told another employee about my friend's birthday. The police officer said, "Oh really, where is she? I think I will stop by and tell her Happy Birthday too." Well, he didn't just tell her "Happy Birthday" he dragged it out for a few minutes and actually said "BF, You are in a lot of trouble you know." After a few minutes he smiled and said "Happy birthday." and then shook her hand. She thought I sent him. Another employee told me that she would be sure to tell me when it is her birthday so I could send a police officer to her as well.

Just thought I would share. My bestfriend said that she will never forget that birthday.

Millstone? Insightful? Drawing a blank here - do you remember anything else?

Beautiful pics and beautiful snow...just glad the snow was there and not here!

Just think...in 2001, I was only 15 blocks from your house! LOL!

Scripture uses millstone a lot but I allways remember this one

Matthew 18:6--Mark 9:42--Luke 17:2

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

My understanding of this is those who offend mislead the children of God. Like the gaslighters in the world who sell snakeoil. People who attempt to treat us like mushrooms..IE.."feed us crap and keep us in the dark".
The opposite of that is to trust the truth and stand up for that.


I would love to see Neaks insight on it tho.

I miss the brutal beauty of nature that is in the north, Have allways loved the snow for that reason. Warm house, hot chocolate, the reality of how fragile we are compared to nature.

Then I remember watching the most fragile of people serve others self-lessly. Its redeeming to see.

That's what I was wondering.

I love your house. I want green shutters now.

awesome pics.... the snow with the falls is BEAUTIFUL.... glad to hear how strong you are holding up.... hope you have a great time tonight with youer dsx2 and the added kiddies at the party!!