<BR>Hi Lostva -<P>Checking on you to see how you are and am waiting to hear about the talk with your H and his mom - was supposed to be on Tuesday, right?<P>Did they talk? Update, please...<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited October 22, 1999).]

Hi, Sheba! AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!<P>Ok, I feel better now. What a stupid mess I've got here. Yes he went to mom's Tues. First of all, Sweetie refused to go to the doctor. Says she is NOT pg (even though she said last week maybe 3-4 weeks) and she will not go. H says IF she is (like everyone thinks) there is no way possible it is his. They were both adamant about it Tues. He's still getting angry a lot and packed his clothes Festival night to leave. Not the first time, he told mom. <P>Finally agreed to take the washer/dryer mom's been offering him for a couple of months (he's been washing @ mom's) 'cause she said she was getting rid of it no matter what. He took them only under the condition that WHEN he left Sweetie's she could keep it. Said he hadn't taken it before 'cause he wasn't gonna need one when he left. (Huh?)<P>BIL told him he wanted to take me to a costume party he's invited to. (Now, do we remember H's going nuts over a simple dinner w/ his brother?) After he went upstairs, H told mom it wasn't a good idea, after all i was "everything any man would ever want" (oh, puleez!) and BIL would get hurt if he saw too much of me and fell for me 'cause I was in love with h and no one else.<P>BIL #2 (8 kids, okay) came by and told him about a cute little house for sale at a steal, asked if he was interested. "No - why should I be, I have a nice home in _____." So......I ask Why is he not here???<P>Yet, he lives w/ Sweetie. He hasn't called since our anniversary. The card he said he had for me has never arrived. Sweetie is going out a lot lately at night. Her wee one calls him "daddy" (loud AAUUGGHHH, here) and he picks her up at the baby sitter's in the afternoon so Sweetie doesn't have to.<P>I don't know what I am. I wrote and invited him to Homecoming at D's school tonite (she's singing again AND has her first sorta date - insert scream of panic here) but he has not called and let me know. D bought him a ticket anyway. He hadn't gottent the letter yesterday, so mom was calling him last night. Can't reach her today.<P>Guys at work are riding him pretty hard about the "trash" he's hanging with and he's become Mr. Hyde around there. No one speaks to him anymore.<P>So, aren't you sorry you asked. That's my life this week. No changes, just more crap. And I'm so nuts now (how DO you guys do this for so long and maintain even a semblance of sanity) I don't know a good sign from a bad sign. Feel like I'm in a soap opera! I'm just going through the motions any more. <P>Supposed to hear next week about the last day for my job. Kinda looking forward to it. Once I have that bit of bad news behind me, I can concentrate on looking for one and selling the house, 'cause then I can figure out where I want to live. (See Lori's eyes rolling round and round in her head!!)<P>Are you feeling better? I asked on your thread, but forgot to read for an answer.<P>OK, your turn. Words of wisdom and all that stuff you're so good at!!! I'm a-waiting!!<P>Lori<P>

Hey! Mini-update. The letter just arrived at Mom's yesterday, so he didn't get it in time. Mom TRIED to call him 3 times Thurs nite, but Sweetie said he was out. They had been getting ready to go over to Mom's, but he got aggravated (she said at the wee one) and he said "Forget it, I'm going back to work!" and left. At 11:00 he still wasn't back (long night, hubby?) and Mom asked Sweetie to leave him a note to stop by her house for coffee in the am. As of last night, she hadn't heard from him. Obviously all's NOT well in paradise. <P> BTW, you'll enjoy this. Mom's a corker! Since she had the opportunity to speak w/ Sweetie alone on the phone, SHE asked about her being pg! She said you can just tell me it's none of my business, but I'll just say that interfering in my son's marriage was none of YOUR business! Sweetie said "you really don't like me, do you?" Mom said, "I don't know you and I won't get to know you, but I really hate what you've done." Sweetie told her it was obvious she would never be accepted,but she wasn't pg. Told mom she knew H would leave. "I ask him all the time what he's thinking about. He won't answer. Then I say 'You're thinking about Lori and K, aren't you?' He won't answer." Mom told her of course he's thinking about them. He may have been going through a hard time, but if you hadn't tried to get him to help you, he never would have left and they would have fixed these little things in no time. He loves his family, Sweetie. And it's you that's keeping him away.<P>Homecoming was great, but I'm a bit upset w/ D. This whole mess is affecting her personality and her friends are noticing, too. We had a long talk last night and I was a little hard on her. (I NEVER have to say anything to her, she's such a doll. I almost feel guilty when I have to!)<P>That's it. Long, drawn-out and boring. How are you doing?<P>Lori

Lori--<P>What a report!! Hang in there. Sweetie's lovebusting left and right.<P>No time right now, but just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.<P><waving at Sheba><P>Laura

Thanks, Lucks. Hey, a bonus - you AND Sheba on the same thread! Keep your fingers crossed that MY lovebusting doesn't start bubbling to the surface!!!<P>Lori

Now, Sheba, if you don't write back soon, I'm gonna think you don't like me anymore!!! (Or that maybe I should shorten my posts and make them fewer and farther between!!! That would be a good idea!)<P>BIL stopped by last night. Called his mom from here. H was there, supposed to do some repairs for her, but spent 3 hours talking w/ his dad. Guess I'll find out about that this week. <P>Here's the weird thing. Got an "anonymous" letter in the mail yesterday. The writing on the envelope looked a lot like H's, but the inside wasn't quite as close. Showed it to BIL, he didn't recognize the writing either. Scanned a copy to send to mom to see if she recognizes it. Addressed to Mrs. H, not my first name. Writing's weird, no periods, apostrophes', nothing. Hard to read. Here's what it says:<P>Mrs H<P>Im sorry to write you when you dont know me but I thought you should know that its not his fault That silly b**** did it all and he didnt know what she was doing to him he got tricked good<P>If I was you I would find a way to get her claws out of him I know she really doesnt care He got meaner and nobody likes him anymore Its bad what he did but he didnt know what she was doing and she is real good at tricking people.<P>Thats all.<P>H's Friend<P>As if I didn't have ENOUGH to think about!!!!<P>What do you make of that? No news yet, no calls. He went to a family Halloween party Friday night.<P>I'm nuts enough w/out someone trying to HELP!<P>Lori

Hi Lostva-<P>I finally made it!!!<P>I tried to get to this twice yesterday and got interupted both times!!!<P>I'm sorry....please forgive me!!!!<P>I Like You!!!! LOL!!!<P>Well, look at all this....<P>First of all - this Sweetie is real Stupie!!!! Imagine playing games with what is probably a growing life inside of herself!!! Risking an innocent for this BS!!! GRRRRR - there is no excuse and it makes me sick!!! She better get to a DR.....I'll just say that if she is pregnant - I hope she loses custody of both of her children....there's enough messed up kids in this world!!<P>Anyway, now that that's vented out of me.....<P>Yeah, sounds like the typical "Mr Hyde" fantasy life going on....although yours is much more grounded in Dr Jekyll than mine is!!! He's just messed up and will come around soon....hang on!!<P>I still can't figure out for the life of me HOW this can occur in a brain!! I really can't!! I mean, could you fathom doing any of what these husbands of ours have? It just boggles my mind!! Why would you want your "fantasy" life to be so riddled with BS? Why stay in something that is causing nothing but pain? Will we ever understand this?<P>Sorry, just full of disbelief over the ridiculousness of it all!!! I sometimes think that I am living one of those Jerry Springer-like shows!!! I can't believe that this is my life!!! I KNOW that you know exactly what I mean!!!<P>Do you sometimes step back from it all and just say "HUH?"...? I do it quite a bit....if it wasn't happening to me - I think I would be on the floor laughing at my H!!! My H says that he wants no responsibilities and pressures and here he goes and creates this whole big mess that just brought in more people to be responsible to and pressured from!! Is it me or is that REALLY stupid?<P>Boy, I'm going on and on now, aren't I? You know what I mean though, right? It's got to be some bad Twilight Zone Episode!!! LOL!!<P>Are you really going to sell the house? I didn't realize that you were planning that!! What about that house your BIL talked about? Why would your H say that you two have a house if he knows it's to be sold? Elaborate on that one....is he just not looking at the reality of it?<P>I really like your MIL!!! I could definitely use her here when your life is back on track!! Tell her that I'll treat her to a CT vacation and she can practice for her new career as "counseling Mom who will smack 'em in the head" with my H!!! Good for her for talking to Sweetie!!<P>I'm sorry that this is effecting your Daughter so much....I suppose it was bound to come out in some way with her. Glad you seem to have a handle on it..that's what is needed and all you can do is reassure her. God, the destruction all this causes.<P>You know what - I decided that if H ever wakes up from this fantasy coma...he is going to have to make all the decisions for a very long time!!! I am going to give my brain a very long - and well deserved - VACATION!!! LOL!!!<P>Let us know when you find out about H and his Dad's 3 Hour talk....sounds interesting!!!<P>I've gotten the "anonymous letters" before also....they can make you nuts!! <BR>Yours sounds pretty good, though - so don't dwell on it too much....it will all come out soon!! I know it will!!<P>You have done all you can...I know that you will continue. Let the other family members work on him awhile!! They will be able to do the most with him at this point...you just keep A'ing and being you!!!!<P>Anything on the "lawyer" thing yet? For some reason, I am very anxious about that!! Think it's just about her D?<P>What did he say to his family about missing D's Homecoming? Anything?<P>Did he go to the family Halloween thing alone?<P>Your posts are not too long....heck, look at this one I'm writing and I'm not even saying much!!! LOL!!<P>HUGS and Strength,<P>Sheba<BR>

Lori,<P>I'm sure this has occured to you... but maybe Sweetie is just a big [censored]??<P>Just a thought... maybe she's packing on the poundage just to make it LOOK like she's preggers....?????<P>Either way - BLACH, BLECH, AND ALL THAT JAZZ<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi, Sheba! Hi Sheryl!<P>Finally!!! Well, I went to bed at 10:00 and I'm up again. Man I hate this!!! It's after 1:00 and I have to get up for work at 4:45!!!<P>Not only is the dingdong not going to the doctor, but she's SlimFasting it too. H told me she's gained 25#! She's very tall and skinny (or WAS) and has always been from what I hear. I don't know, maybe NB is right, she's just porkin' up!<P>I'm constantly amazed at the stuff going on here. It just doesn't seem to stop. I say "huh?" all the time. I can't decide if I'm crazy or he is, but one of us is certainly certifiable!<P>About the house, well, right now, I'm not making the bills each month. I can't afford this mortgage on my own. Could probably put it off for a few months more, but my company's re-structuring and it looks like I'm gonna be a casualty. Hopefully I'll at least get a package which will take me through 2-3 months, but that's a big maybe at this point. I've been looking for jobs, but the average salary's running substantially less and I'm not making it now! So, yeah, the house will have to go. I don't know what that adled H of mine is thinking. Told his mom I needed to sell the house and move over there near him. (Insert another HUH? here!). D can't stand to be here anyway, but she doesn't want to leave this area. I just want a break!<P>The letter's weird, but at least it's not threatening or anything. Wonder who wrote it though. I'm tired of mysteries these days.<P>Isn't MIL a hoot! Never say die. She's 70 and slam full of herself! Poor Sweetie never has a chance when she gets her alone. H took both of them to the Halloween party (he didn't get my letter until he got there). Our niece invited all of them 'cause she's never met Sweetie and wanted to check out the PG situation. They're about the same age (Sheryl - put one of your BLECH's in here!!!) H dressed up like some green monster and she dressed up like Dorothy (Wizard of OZ). <P>Oh, the money. Still waiting for her criminal record, but she has filed suit for full custody of D. Attorney's retainer was pretty big. Also found out that H set her up in the new house she's rented, deposit, utilities deposits, first month's rent, etc. At 700/mo, that's a pretty good chunk right there. I think she had some old bills that he paid off too. She sold her car to pay for some of them. Couldn't dig up anything on him at all, so it looks like he's pretty clean. H's paying most of the rent, I think and no telling what else. <P>She did tell Mom on the phone that if he left, she would cry, but she wouldn't try to get him back. Funny she didn't think of that BEFORE she messed w/ a married man! (Sorry, a few sour grapes coming out here.)<P>Pop never talks much, but he adores me, so I wonder what he may have said to H, if he got a chance to talk at all. When H gets wound up these days, it's like a volcano erupting and you can't get a word in edgewise. BIL says he can't even stand to be around him. "He's changed so much since your dad died, Lori. I don't know him anymore."<P>OH, I need to SLEEP!!! Why can't I sleep at all anymore. I thought I had gotten past this. Just got this chilling feeling inside that something is up. Had it for a week or so now. (No, it's not paranoia! I've learned that I can trust these feelings, but sometimes I do hate them!!!)<P>Thanks for writing back. I'm on to try to ease my brain tonight. Maybe a little conversation will help. Ever feel like you need to just sit down w/ someone and talk for hours, just to get it all out of your system for a while??? <P>Thanks for writing in, guys. I'll keep plan a-ing whenever I get a stupid chance to again!!!<P>Hey, Sheba - think a baseball bat to their heads would do any good??<P>Sheryl - you ok? Don't worry, you know what you're doing. Either way, I'm pulling for you.<P>Lori

Yeah, Lori, I'm okay, but just barely.<P>You go to sleep. I'll check in on you tomorrow. You say a prayer for me, okay?<P>Also, so cool that you trust your instincts so much. Usually right on the money, huh????<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi Lostva -<P>I'm sorry that you can't sleep!! I go through bouts of that too!!<P>Whatever is going on that is giving you that "feeling" will reveal itself soon enough...don't stew on it.<P>Is H giving you any money? That's not acceptable if he isn't!! Expain please!!<P>I DO feel like talking with someone (preferably in the same situation) for hours!!! You know, some day we have to meet....you are pretty close to me.<P>Who knows maybe someday we could both put our brains on vacation and meet in Florida or the Bahamas and let our brains be on vacation on a nice warm sun-drenched beach!!!! <P>What do ya think!!!! Sounds great to me!!!<P>Hugs and try to sleep....you need it!!<P>Sheba

Sheryl - don't worry, you're always in my prayers. Man, do I WANT to go to sleep. I'm gonna try again in a little while. <P>You could use a little rest, too. Hard weekend for you. Thanks for checking up on me.<P>Lori

Oops, Sheba, we were posting at the same time. I'd LOVE a vacation. And it's chilly now, so a beach sounds mighty fine. Won't take much to shut this pea-brain down. It's already like scrambled eggs!<P>Nope, no money in this direction. Been saying he was gonna, but it never has arrived. Like I said, keeps borrowing from his mom for gas money. She must be pretty high maintenance!!<P>I'm gonna try to go back to bed in just a little while. If not, tomorrow's gonna be a REALLY long day.<P>Lori

Lori and Sheba,<P>Palm Springs is beautiful this time of year. Be careful of moonlit walks though - <BR>(a reference to my post about the "D" word - sorry, couldn't resist).<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

You are TOO funny. I'd love to visit Palm Springs!!! Oh, just occurred to me that you may not have meant to be funny. Long day. Didn't sleep last night either.<P>Lori

Hey Lori,<P>Yeah, it was my feeble attempt at humor. Palm Springs was absolutely beautiful. It's just that I had that incident during the moonlit walk... <P>It's late and I'm pretty tired too <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Try to sleep, you two!!!<P>Prayers are said for both of you and things will be OK!!!<P>Rest.........<P>We'll plan vacations tomorrow...er, later!!!<P>HUGS to you both,<P>Sheba

Hey guys I'm back! Computer was down for over a week. Just keep hanging in there Lori. She's losing ground fast. Her saying she is pregnant is just a weak attempt at keeping your H with her. You are so lucky to have a MIL that is that great. <BR> ALOT has happened here this week. H found out that everything that OW had told him from the begining of the internet affair until now has been a lie and he confronted her on it. Of course she denied it but he has proof. He had broken things off with her 4 weeks ago but she kept calling and harrassing him so we decided to do some investigation work. What we found out was really shocking. H feels so foolish, as he should to have been taken in by a woman like her. I'm just really glad that I had just let things run their course and that he found out on his own what kind of a woman she really was. The law is after her big time right now so I'm not going to be surprised if she doesn't just disappear. She skipped out of NY owing ALOT of money. <BR>I'll be here if you guys want to talk.<P>Jill

Whoa, Jill - skipped town? Police? Hey, and I thought MY life was crazy. Is Heather still living w/ you guys? <P>I'm glad he found out on his own, too. And really glad you guys are doing good. Wish I could say the same. H needs a bat beside the head over this one. I don't think it's Sweetie keeping him now, I think it's his stupid pride. "Once I make a decision, I stick w/ it!" (Helloo - what about MARRIAGE???)<P>Got any good advice for the weary?? And give me some details. E-mail me if you want, or tell it here. <P>S0OOOOOOO glad to hear from you.<P>Lori